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Just Said Yes July 2020

Bridesmaid Trouble

Christy, on June 9, 2019 at 7:15 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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I have unofficially asked some friends and family to be part of my bridal party (planning on doing a cute BM/ MoH proposal in the fall our wedding isn’t until july next year)
Part of that group that I had asked was my cousin who I asked after my FH proposed in Feb ‘18
This was before she 1. Married an abusive man (not abusive to her but him and his friends beat a man and she makes excuses for it)
and 2. Excluded my sister who is my MoH from her wedding even though they are closer than we are because my sister is overweight and instead asked me because I am skinnier. (I denied her proposal because of that and didn’t attend the wedding at all due to a work conflict)
3. Ignored my family at her wedding including my grandmother who paid for the wedding

The dilemma comes in that my mom just called me and said she bumped into her and that my cousin is really excited to be my bridesmaid. I don’t know how to break it to her that she isn’t part of the bridal party without creating drama, do I just not send her a proposal? My FH even told me that I better not include her because he is mad about the way she did my sister

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5 Comments

Latest activity by CDickman, on June 9, 2019 at 10:28 PM

Super May 2019
Victoria · on June 9, 2019 at 7:30 PM
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I just wouldn’t send her a box and she’ll get the idea. It sounds like it will unfortunately start drama any way you do it though!
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on June 9, 2019 at 7:31 PM
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Your cousin has a lot of nerve to just assume she's a bridesmaid! That's really rude of her to do. Given the reasons you listed, it's definitely okay to not have her in your BP! I wouldn't say anything to her, though. If she has the gall to ask you, be honest and tell her, unfortunately, she won't be in the BP. Hope this doesn't escalate into drama - I'm sorry you're having to go through this!
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on June 9, 2019 at 8:14 PM
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What do you mean by you “unofficially asked”. You either asked her to be in your wedding or you didn’t. If you didn’t, just don’t send her a proposal box and ignore her attempts at reaching out. If you did ask her and you no longer want her to be a part of your wedding you need to tell her that. There isn’t really a way to do that without potential drama though.
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Devoted November 2021
Stephanie · on June 9, 2019 at 8:34 PM
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This. If she thinks she is going to be a bridesmaid because you "unofficially asked her" then you need to let her know that plans have changed for you. Unfortunately, I do not see a way to avoid drama if she already thinks she is a part of your bridal party.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on June 9, 2019 at 10:28 PM
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What does unofficialy asked mean. You don’t need to do a whole proposal for it to be official. If an Any way you said Will you be my bridesmaid then you asked her.

That being said I understand why you no longer want her in the wedding. I would just not talk about it. If you feel safe telling her the reasons why to her face then you can.
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