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Just Said Yes October 2021

Bridesmaid trouble help !

Steph, on March 28, 2021 at 2:21 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 14

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Hi wedding family.

I am currently having trouble with 1 of my 6 bridesmaids. When i selected my bridesmaids dresses i originally wanted to use 1 dress for all of them so they would all look the same. When i let my bridesmaids know everyone was happy except this 1 bridesmaid. Ill call her jess for the sake of this story. She jumped up and down and told me it was hideous and refused to buy it even though it wasn't to expensive (USD 56). So because jess was upset i decided that i wanted her as well as all my other bridesmaids to be happy because i love them all and want this to be as less stressfull for them as it was for me. I decided to use a online store for the dresses and to let them all choose a dress of their own choice with the only requirements being that it was all the same color, was long in length and didnt have straps that would match mine so the dresses didnt look exactly like my dress (im the bride) the only thing is these dresses are slightly more expensive (USD 100). All my bridesmaids including jess agreed that this was much better as it gave them the opportunity to pick something they all loved and the price was still reasonable. The wedding was suppose to be last year but because of covid we decided to postpone and now we are having it this year in oct 21. I have sent out lots of messages to remind my bridesmaids about ordering the dresses so that they will arrive between april and end of june. I just recently requested for my bridesmaids to send through the picture of the dress they chose so i can start planning more around the bridesmaids looks for hair shoes etc but jess has been consistently either ignoring me when i ask for a picture and then when she does reply complains about the price of everything that she will need to pay for and that she is to busy to send me a picture. I have constantly reassured her that i have tried to keep prices right down for them all. I have even set shoes now to all being black so that they dont have to buy them coz i know they all have at least 1 pair of black shoes ( no preference on heels or flats either) i have told her that she doesnt need to pay for hair to be done or make up or anything else if she doesnt want to because i know shes capable of doing her own make up and im not fussed about the hairstyles being perfect. Also im planning on getting my family friend to do the hair so no need to pay. Am i being to hard on my bridesmaid and expecting to much or is she being unnecessarily difficult. I just want them all to be happy, but i also want to have the wedding that i dreamed of.
Further info on jess...She has a stable job, with a partner in a stable jobShe has a lavish lifestyle She has been my friend since we were 25years

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Yana, on March 29, 2021 at 6:13 PM

Beginner June 2023
Crystal · on March 28, 2021 at 2:56 AM
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In my opinion you’ve been more than lenient, patient and considerate of your girls. I would try to talk to her and figure out why she’s making things so difficult for you for such an important day to you. I hope things work them self out for you and wish you the best of luck!
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Steph · on March 28, 2021 at 2:58 AM
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Sorry i meant we have been friends for 25years since we were 3.
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Steph · on March 28, 2021 at 3:17 AM
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Hi. Thanks for your imput. Its just very frustrating and ive never been to a wedding for my friends before. Im the first one to be getting married. So all these things and planning is new to me. I really love them all. And i have even asked her if she doesnt want to be a bridesmaid coz its to stressful that she doesn't have to and it wont make me sad. I said i really just want to know so im not stressing out closer to the time. She then asked about the dress style again and why it had to be within those few requirments even tho she has definitely seen my dress. Its like no matter what i do i cant make her happy. I even sent through to all my girls so she didnt feel targeted a detailed description of when they could buy and the pricing differences depending on when they buy as a earlier purchase she can get a discount on it. Her latest messages have been talking about her own future wedding and how her boyfriend picked out a celebrant for them and how her boyfriend is saving for her dream ring and they arent even engaged yet. I dont like to jump to conclusions bout my friends especially my closest ones but i feel she might be jealous and want it to all be about her 😔
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Beginner June 2023
Crystal · on March 28, 2021 at 3:41 AM
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It truthfully sounds like jealousy to me and that’s really said for a 25 year friendship, but it does happen. I have family that I’ve encountered similar experiences with when I shared my happiness with them. I totally get where you’re coming from as I’m completely new to all of this as well and I am the first one to be married also. If I were you and she doesn’t work with you I would honestly let her go. It sounds like she will only make things more stressful for you and planning is stressful enough. Your bridesmaids should be easing things for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
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Super December 2020
Anais · on March 28, 2021 at 10:32 AM
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You have been very lenient with them and tried to help them which is nice.
My only question is why are you needing the dresses to arrive by June? That’s still months from your wedding.
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Beginner March 2022
Victoria · on March 28, 2021 at 12:20 PM
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It sounds like you have been more than accommodating to HER wants specifically. I think you need to do what you want for YOUR wedding day. I'm sorry she is causing so much stress when planning a wedding is stressful enough. Maybe give her the option to not be a bridesmaid? It doesn't seem like she's into making sure you are happy.
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Savvy April 2022
Sheila · on March 28, 2021 at 2:46 PM
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I had this very same problem. They ended up eventually leaving the bridal party thankfully but I wish I had asked them to sooner. It's just not worth it. You are being more than considerate and she is being a bridesmaidzilla.
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Steph · on March 28, 2021 at 4:55 PM
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The reason i want the dresses to be here by june is because the shipping times can sometimes be delayed since its an online shop. Also i wanted them early so if anything goes wrong or they didnt like the dress there is more time to swap and change things. And lastly because you get extra discounts for ordering things earlier which is why im encouraging her to get it sooner to keep the cost as low as possible. Basically its all to try and make things as stressfree as possible. My stress levels arent to high atm which is why im not going full on bridezilla and my goal isnt to be like that at all which is why im tryna make things as easy and cheap as possible for her. Its just hurtful. She doesnt even have time to look at the dresses and just send me a picture of what she likes because she said she is just to busy.
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Steph · on March 28, 2021 at 4:59 PM
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I honestly thought i was doing everything right. I just wanted all my fav girls to be happy so i could be happy. I feel like ive done everything i can without giving up everything i want and its just still not good enough. Ive already asked her if she wants to step down as a bridesmaid but she said no she does want to be. Ive kind of decided if she hasnt got her dress by the date ive specified then i will have to kick her out whether she likes it or not. Do you think thats to harsh??
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Dedicated August 2021
Elizabeth · on March 28, 2021 at 8:15 PM
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I had a similar situation. A very close childhood friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid was being extremely negative and causing problems at every turn. I realized that it was causing major stress and was becoming very toxic, so after much advice from others and many sleepless nights of thinking what to do, I came to the decision that I couldn't have her in the bridal party anymore. That was the best thing I could have possibly done! You don't need any stress and negativity surrounding your wedding. With her gone, I've felt my stress level majorly decrease and my bridal party is meshing much better! I know it's a big decision, but if you're having doubts, I'd seriously consider it.
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Beginner June 2023
Crystal · on March 28, 2021 at 8:27 PM
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Not harsh at all, you’ve provided her with accommodation already if she doesn’t follow through that’s on her not you.
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Beginner March 2022
Victoria · on March 28, 2021 at 9:55 PM
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I think it’s fair. You don’t deserve to chase her around when you have a million other things going on and anything else in your life outside of wedding planning. You’ve given her enough slack
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on March 29, 2021 at 2:56 PM
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I agree with the others, you've made it all about her and she stills isn't giving the respect to tell you what is going on. I would maybe remind her of the deadline one more time, then if she doesn't have it by the deadline, she can attend as a guest.
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Beginner January 2021
Yana · on March 29, 2021 at 6:13 PM
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You can make the wedding party with all of your girls dressing them into pajama sets and capture this day on camera by arranging a photo shoot in identical pajamas, which will have the inscription "bridesmaid" on the back. And at the wedding itself, they could be in their own dresses

Here are some examples of pajama party before the wedding
Here is my favorite store where I ordered pajamas and mask for my girls

https://bellesdesignshop.com/collections/plain-satin-long-pajamas?page=1
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