Bridesmaid (sister in Law) is ignoring me 😞

Continue to include her in everything. If the day comes and she doesn't have her dress then make the decision to have her walk her daughter down the aisle. Try not to stress about it. All you can do is reach out. It's her responsibility to respond.

View Quoted Comment I like that idea, like I said it’s not that she’s a bad person or mean or anything, she’s just very very busy for wedding planning adventures. I had another bridesmaid back out due to finances and I guess I was too hopeful to get the same amount of transparent honesty.

Etiquette does not dictate who should and shouldn't be in your bridal party--it's really best to choose people in your life to whom you're already the closest to. Picking people as a method to get closer to them can work out, but in my time in the wedding industry, I've seen it backfire more often than not.

Your bridesmaids aren't obligated in any way to help you plan (color picking, venues, etc.) but they can offer if they'd like. It sounds like you're more worried about the bridesmaid dress. You'll definitely have to make a decision if she doesn't get the dress in time, but if your wedding is actually in September of this year, she should have some time now. There's a possibility she's run into financial issues and doesn't feel comfortable letting you know. She may be trying to figure out the money or she's dragging it out and hoping you'll do the work (aka, ask her to be a guest or say the dress doesn't matter, wear whatever you'd like) for her.

If she doesn't get the dress, you'll have to weigh the consequences. Would family be overly upset if she'd not included (and would their feelings be toward you or SIL?) Would they be miffed at her for not getting the dress in time? Is it even that big of a deal to have her in the same dress (especially if she walks her daughter down the aisle and then stands up with y'all?) or would you feel most comfortable, overall, having her walk down the aisle with her daughter and then sitting with her in the first row? If her daughter is too young to walk by herself, I'd imagine she's too young to stand still at the alter during the ceremony--maybe you could ask if SIL might sit with her at the end?

Hey
Sorry for all thr trouble. Try touching base with and call her to check in before the dress fitting. Once you touch basics with her you will know to move on or..her still being able to be in your wedding. Her helping her daugther down the aisle doesn't sound like a bad idea at all.

I can relate to what you are going through. For me, it is not my FH's sister, it's my brother's wife. I would say try to continue to include her in every aspect that you can. If she chooses not to be apart of it, that's on her not you. I would say, just don't do what I did. I let it upset me to the point that I went into an panic attack over it. If she wants to be involved, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. Since your dress deadline is coming up, I'd say sit down with her, or have your FH sit down with her and ask her if she wants to be involved at all. If she says no, don't take it personally. I let that happen to me with my brother's wife until late last month where I finally said f-it. If she doesn't want to put in any effort, why should I?

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for the advice, I am really trying and my mom is telling me the same. I have two other women who have been incredibly supportive and I should focus on that since it’s supposed to be a happy time! I am almost done planning and the amount of things to stress me out is getting slimmer 😅

Bridesmaids with no other responsibilities often do not stay interested, until the last 4-5 months. Unless you are having special designer BM gowns, $500 plus, most bridesmaids gowns come in 2 weeks to 8 weeks after ordering, occasionally 10. Dress shops scare people into ordering earlier, to spread sales for the shop. You do not need to order dresses until May for a September wedding, and some not til June. Post the kind of dress you have, salon or designer, and people will tell you how long that BM dress takes to come in. Most BM who have been in a wedding before, know that It is better to order very close to the wedding, like 4 months out. This way, BM is less likely to change weight. Aside from hemming, no one wants to order a $100-259 dress, then pay $250 in addition for alterations, because they ordered 7-10 months out, then changed by 20 pounds ( 2 sizes) or got pregnant. She may just figure you are worrying needlessly, because she has been here before. And no matter what you say, will order at the necessary time, not way early like now, so she does not pay alterations. No one is required to have their own sisters, or fiancé's sisters, ir people's girlfriends, in their wedding party. It is a very bad idea, I think, unless the bride and FSIL or whoever were very close friends to begin with. People not close have little commitment until just before the wedding. Then they get the dress, arrange grooming, and stand up. But if you expect them to act like your best friend, in participation and excitement, unless they are very young, you are likely to be disappointed. Talk to her personally, not through FI. Make sure she will order the dress in time, at 4 months out, or when people tell you that make dress will come in with a month to spare for hemming. Then leave her be.
If she is giving you too much anxiety, maybe she should stand up for her brother. Her dress will then not need to match any of yours. Just not clash with GM, or BM. But it might just be, she knows you have been pushing buying the dress far too soon. But she does not want to oppose you. So she shrugs, and says, I will do it in time. Fine. She is responsible for a child, and got herself married. A real adult. Talk, have her order in May. And relax.

PS. Lots of people have their own ideas. But nothing in etiquette dictates who you choose as wedding party. Only, bride chooses her attendants, and groom chooses his own people. And, they are chosen from close friends or family. No other etiquette rules.

I’m in the same boat! Although i am somewhat close to his sister she’s been off the closer we get the wedding. She also scheduled a major surgery two weeks before sent this emoji when she told me 🤷🏼‍♀️ and is acting like she won’t even be able to walk down the aisle. At this point there is nothing i can do about it and I’m leaving it in her hands to be involved or not. It’s very hurtful and sucks because this is someone who will be in your life forever now not just a friend you may never see or speak to again.

Why are you so worried about her getting a dress for your wedding that is 7 months away? She has more than enough time. She's also an adult. Just make sure that she has the dress information and trust her to get the dress on her own time schedule. She just needs to have it by the time your wedding gets here, which again gives her plenty of time to order and get alterations if needed. Don't try to micromanage her.

She also doesn't seem to be interested and/or have time to attend pre-wedding things like shopping trips with you. Don't get offended that she doesn't come; she's not required to.

Corie,

So sorry you're in this situation. I tried to put myself in your shoes in order to give you sound advice. I wouldn't't exactly worry just yet as you do have some time before your wedding day. She isn't necessarily required to be involved in the planing process, however I sense that this is something you want to experience with everyone included. Based on what you have mentioned about her position, single mom and all, it may very well be that she just doesn't have the time to be apart like you would want her. May wedding is this April and my bridal party did not order dresses until this past January with one bridesmaid ordering literally a week ago. In my case, the dresses I chose needed to be made and shipped in time for my wedding. Unless you run into a situation where her dress is not available in stock and needs to me made you should be ok. Ultimately, if she is present for your big day thats all that really matters and I hope you two will build a great relationship.

View Quoted Comment We were told to order the BM dresses by the end of March due to the color being on back order. I’m not putting the pressure on, it’s just the complete lack response to anything that stresses me out.

Where are y'all ordering dresses from? If your wedding is correct on your profile, she still has some time. We chose Davids Bridal and it literally took less than a month for one of my bridesmaids to get her dress in. Your FSIL is an adult and should be able to get the dress in time. If she doesn't, that will be on her. I wouldn't worry about it!

View Quoted Comment Really? That’s who we’re going through and we’re getting the cinnamon color. I’m gonna try calling our other local David’s and see if they tell me a different story. I guess in the hype of everything I didn’t think they’d be duping me into trying to buy them sooner. I’m just going to focus on the happy things and getting this order by day confirmed. Thank you everyone for the advice.

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I think they tell you it will take 4 months? One of my bridesmaids ordered on 1/4 and it was here by 1/26. I'm sure it varies but I'd count on it taking two months tops

View Quoted Comment Very good to know! I’m sure they’ll be stoked to hear that. Thank you 😊

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Oh yes! They're notorious for pushing that because they are salespeople and they have to make sales. I recently went to exchange my wedding dress because I realized I'd made a mistake and chosen the wrong one. I tried on one I loved and wanted to exchange it, but the lady helping me told me that I shouldn't wait the extra day because the new dress wasn't going to arrive until the day before my wedding and I shouldn't risk it. I'm so glad I didn't listen to her! I went online that night and saw that if I ordered it myself it would come in less than 2 weeks. I waited and went back the next day with my old dress, exchanged it for the new one, and the new one arrived after about a week and a half (a whole month before the wedding, and just within the time frame the website foretold!). Don't let them scare you.

You could go online, find one of the dresses, put it in your cart and see how long they estimate it will arrive. That will be more accurate than what the sales associate tells you at DB.

View Quoted Comment That is so funny! I ended up doing the same thing with my wedding dress and so so happy I did. It was at that appointment that they were saying it was a special order. On the site it says that it will arrive between mid May and mid June. Now at least the alterations lady said there that it takes a while to get the BM dresses back from that for some reason. I know one of my girls has to add cup liners since it needs the structure but I really don’t know on average how long realistically that’ll take for them. I know my dress they said a few weeks so it doesn’t make sense that the BM dresses would be longer.

View Quoted Comment By a while I mean they said that it’s arrive a week or two before the wedding 😟 so DB is telling me roughly 2.5-3 mo to get the BM dresses back from alterations

I would just continue to include her in bridesmaids group texts, invite her to things, etc. and assume she won't respond. If she doesn't get her dress, she won't be a bridesmaid. If she does, she will. Simple as that. Most my bridesmaids weren't involved in much besides buying their dress & showing up for the wedding.