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Just Said Yes March 2020

Bridesmaid selection

Claire, on May 27, 2019 at 9:56 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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I am struggling to chose my 4th and final bridesmaid. At the moment I am tossing up between two friends and I am finding it difficult to make a decision.

Friend #1 has been a close friend of mine for around 5 years, however the last year and a half we have not been as close which has slightly hurt me. She is also getting married relatively close to my date which may hinder her helping me with my wedding preparation.

Friend #2 I have been friends with for around 15 years and has been a steady friend for that time. She is very reliable and organized, and although I am not as close with her, I have been consistently good friends with her for the past 15 years.

My issue is that for years I would have chosen friend #1 but now I am second guessing myself for the above reasons... I always imagined her in my wedding but now I am finding it hard to make that decision. Should I go for the friend who would be more helpful but I have been slightly less close to in the past, or the friend who I have closer history with but that has changed recently? Any advice would be greatly received!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on May 31, 2019 at 6:37 PM

Expert October 2020
Soon2BSmith · on May 27, 2019 at 10:09 AM
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The fact that you're having second thought, means you should go with Friend #2.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on May 27, 2019 at 10:14 AM
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I'm not sure you need to pick someone based on how helpful they will be to you. However, if you are going to be expecting a lot from a bridesmaid, I wouldn't pick the friend who is getting married around the same time as you. She will probably be really busy with her own wedding. Good luck!
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Super May 2019
Jessica · on May 27, 2019 at 10:19 AM
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I would counter and say the fact that you're having second thoughts means you don't need to pick either. You definitely don't pick based off how much they can help you. You pick based off those you can't imagine not being by your side. Neither of those seem to fit the bill if you can easily see replacing them with the other. Go with the 3 you're sure of and be assured a drama free wedding. 😁
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 27, 2019 at 10:40 AM
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Is there a reason you need to pick between them and you can’t include both in your day? If you are second guessing having people in your party, is probably not a good idea to include them.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on May 27, 2019 at 11:06 AM
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If you can decide I say pick neither. To me your bridesmaid should be automatically who you think of. Not a certain number.
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Dedicated October 2021
Robert · on May 27, 2019 at 1:37 PM
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Sorry if this is a silly question, but is there a reason you can't choose both of them? (Or a reason you need to choose either?)
From the sounds of it, someone who has always been a good friend and will be there for you is probably a better choice than a friend who has grown apart from you and won't be around much. You'll know better than we could who you would rather have with you, but from what you've said, and the second-guessing, #2 seems to be the way to go. If you're only considering #1 because you've always imagined her in the wedding party, you don't want to be including her out of obligation.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on May 27, 2019 at 4:03 PM
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Please only choose who you feel is your nearest and dearest
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on May 31, 2019 at 6:37 PM
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I liked what these comments said about not picking either of them. i have experience with both types of wedding party members - one of our groomsman is getting married the week before ours and he's definitely really busy and he had to leave the bachelor party early to prepare for his own wedding stuff, that's fine but i can see what you mean by hindering their duties but if they're organized enough they can find time for both.
second, i see what you mean by wanting someone who is organized because my bridesmaids are not organized at all ahah but i love them.
basically, i'm saying go with people you imagine up there with you. because despite my girls being unorganized, they are the ones i want there and i cannot imagine anyone else i would share my big day with like that.
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