Bridesmaid Selection

You include the people you want to be by your side. Numbers don’t have to be even and unless the person is harmful your fiancé does not get a say in who you pick. Just like you don’t get a say in who he picks.

Friendships change over time. Include in your wedding party people you are close to and make the effort to regularly stay in touch with now. There are friends I had in my wedding party I had only seen twice in nearly 3 years. We were 2,000 to 7,000 miles apart. Ut not a month passed without each of us writing at least one multipart letter ( whether by post or email) of private conversation. Or a long phone call. Or both. But other old friends I saw briefly at a holiday party at their family or my relatives homes, and maybe saw for coffee or a mix it months apart, I did not choose. We saw each other off and on when convenient. I do value them as friends. Which is why I invited them to the wedding, went out of my way to assist with airport or driving transportation, sitters, meals. But those I saw less who were always in my heart and mind, whom I took a few hours a month just to communicate with privately, whose letters arrival made me smile and take them aside to read, more than once, they were the ones in my bridal party. The others were honored only in that we had to cut an original list of over 400 principal guests plus about 90 So, down to 120 family and 80 friends with SO included to send invitations to, says they are special. . . And we showed how special by mixing with them throughout the day of the wedding, pulling aside only for one hour earlier in the day for photos, and 1.5 hours to get ready. So we saw guests in twos and threes all day, then were with them all but 10 minutes of pre-dinner cocktails. We did not put getting ready for hours with WP only, or our pictures, ahead of our guests. I danced with every male friend there, at least 40, and sat at tables 10-15 minutes at a time.
Just treat those not in the bridal party as though they are important enough for you to spend time with, more important that primping with a small clique of friends, and more important than your pictures of movies of yourselves. Be there with your guests. I have been to lits of weddings where the couple said 5 words on a table visit to 90 percent of all guests all night, too busy with a small number of their BP, and pictures, and hours of makeup stuff. How you spend your time, shows who you truly care about and honor as guests .

Your bridesmaid should be the ladies that support you and your relationship. They should be the ladies you Can't see your self getting married without them there to support you! You should be very close and friends/family with your BMs. If you don't talk to your old friends and you haven't in years then you guys have grown apart Love is still there but you arent the same high school/ college girls you are adults living life. Invite the ladies that mean the most to you. I think you should do some research on BMs and their duties and before you know it you will have your decision!

I think having your sister, his sister, and your two roommates would be perfect. I opted to go a non traditional route and not have any bridesmaids, but rather have two of my dad’s closest friends as my “attendants” while my FH has his two sisters as his. I have a ton of cousins and a few friends that could’ve easily been bridesmaids, but when looking at our current relationships, only my closest friend would’ve made the cut and I will have her do something that she’s comfortable with (probably be an usher and maybe say something at the reception). People change over time!

Why would you include people that you don’t have a relationship with anymore? I don’t see how that could possibly be foolish.

😍 you guys have helped me out so much! I guess all I needed was an, “it’s okay”! Thank you for your thoughts.

You want your wedding party to be the people who truly support your relationship and will just promote positive vibes all around. While I don’t think FH gets a day in who is in your party, I can understand that he might not want someone who doesn’t like him and may not be wholly supportive of you both in the closest spot to you. I wouldn’t worry about them being upset either; most people understand that not everyone can be in the bridal party.

I wouldn't include anyone who I'm not close to, and I don't think there's a scenario where anyone is obligated to have a certain person as their bridesmaid. I can kind of understand not having someone who FH doesn't like, but still it is your final decision.

If I were you I'd have the two college roommates, your sister and his sister.

Personally, I would pick my sister and his sister and call it a day. Do a search on "Bridesmaid Drama" and other similar topics and you will see the biggest drama is over Cash vs Open Bar, Guest Lists and this very topic. Also, your fiance gets zero say in who gets to be by your side.