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Devoted August 2022

Bridesmaid regret??

Bride2Be, on December 20, 2020 at 11:00 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
Anyone out there having bridesmaid regret?? I had asked my bridesmaids over a year and a half ago to be my bridesmaids (10) and with covid we are postponing the wedding to be summer 2022! I had let them know that it was being cancelled at first and now we’ve finally decided on a new month and year. Half of them I’m really close to and have kept up with and regularly (at least once a month get together, group chat, etc) and a few of the others are distant sorority sisters (they’re all sorority sisters) but these girls I haven’t spoken with much after college but about a year after my BFF got engaged and married 2 years later and we were all her bridesmaids. We had so much fun getting together again and I felt like they would also be my bridesmaids too but I’m feeling now like I asked out of obligation over being super close to them. I haven’t reached out about the updated wedding plans yet because of the holidays but I’m having second thoughts on including them for our new destination wedding. I’m already dropping a few to make it smaller (basically from 10 to 7) and I’ve already made up my mind with them since it was a bad coworker that turned rotten and a few friends that fell out and don’t support my marriage anymore (so they were no brainers to cut). But now we are doing a destination wedding and I’m feeling like I should only have those closest to me instead of obligation. But I still like them as friends but we’re aren’t as close anymore and they don’t really reach out or talk much to me. Which isn’t bad it’s just being distant friends I guess.


Is it wrong to switch up my bridal party and just invite them as guests now? When I think of doing bridal party things, it’s with my main group of friends, and then I have to remember I have a few more to include. It’s hard when people don’t live near you and don’t keep in contact! And advice?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Kiara, on December 20, 2020 at 7:36 PM
  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Removing people from wedding party is typically a friendship-ending move. Are these people you still want in your life? If so, I would leave things as-is. Maybe try reaching out to them on occasion to see how they're doing, and keep the friendship going. You could always do a check in a little closer to your new date (maybe a year from now?), and send out a group text to say something along the lines of, "just wanted to check in with everyone, I know it's been a while since we had to postpone, and wanted to double check everyone is still interested in being in the wedding party?" This way, they can choose to back out if they feel the friendship isn't as close anymore (a lot can change in a year). Otherwise, if you do decide to remove them, you should offer to pay for their dresses (if they already purchased them) and any other wedding-related expenses they've had. I wouldn't make any decisions now about your wedding party, since there's a still lot of time before your wedding, and a lot can change in a year.
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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    Yeah you’re right. I mean I still want to be their friends and I guess I could also be better about reaching out to them! Is there a point that is too soon to ask if they still want to be bridesmaids? We plan on booking the venue/date in August for the wedding to be the next August.
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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I would ask sometime before anyone spends any money on things for your wedding (bridesmaids dresses, etc), but I would also wait until at least next fall/winter at the earliest to ask them if they're still interested. A lot can change in a year, and next fall/winter would still be 8-10 months before your wedding.
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I think the only way to do this is I reduce your party down to a MOH and possibly 1 other bridesmaid. Just let them know with the postponement you rethought your vision and you want to keep the bridal party small.
    Or as PP suggested ask if they’re still interested in participating. Especially now that it’s a destination wedding everyone might not be able to participate. That may help your problem without being rude/ruining the relationship. Wait a bit to ask 2022 is still a good ways off and things may change for them also.
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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    Yeah they haven’t spent any money on anything yet! We were planning on sending the save the dates in January 2022 so I guess once we book the venue and stuff then I can ask them this next fall. Thanks for the advice!
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I would only ask them to attend as a guest if you're ok with ending the friendship and possibly cutting these people out of your life forever. Asking someone to step down from bridesmaid to guest is a friendship-ending move.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    It's ultimately your decision, just keep in mind that they may not be interested in being your friend anymore
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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Kicking someone out of a wedding party is a friendship ending move. While the role is reserved for those closest to you, relationships do change over time. If you aren't close to them anymore, you can drop them as attendants but be prepared that they won't show up as guests because that friendship has died on its own.
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    I’m an oddball on this one. I think you can change things up, (but tread lightly) if you feel it in your heart. Lots of things have been flipped upside down because of Covid, wedding parties being one of them. I went from 4 bridesmaids to 1. Just like you, it felt obligated, and at the end of the day I didn’t go with my gut and tell myself my FH and I wanted the intimacy of just us being at the alter. No big party distractions, just us. We are having our MOH and BM stand up for vows only.


    My friends were fine with it, but I know my friends well enough to know they’d be ok. Do I regret dragging them along for the bridesmaid ride? Of course, but it was very short lived. They will be with me on the morning for the big dress reveal, ease my nerves and cry a few happy tears, and drink champagne to celebrate the day. They are 100% happy with that. I’ll definitely carve some time to get some nice pictures with them.
    If you do want to cut some girls, try and think how they would react. Luckily I nailed each reaction correctly and knew I would lose my friends out of it.
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    WOULDN’T* lose friends! Gosh I wish we could edit posts!
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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    Yikes yeah I don’t want to end our friendship! I think I’m just over thinking things. I’ll just keep them all and wait a few months to see if they want to still be in it since it’s now a destination!
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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    I see what you’re saying! I would still want a bridal party tho so I think in this case I need to stop over thinking things and just let it be. I’ll reach out to them and see if they would still want to be in a destination wedding as I don’t want to lose them as friends just because if this!
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  • Kiara
    VIP August 2021
    Kiara ·
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    If I was you I will go with who is close really but it wont hurt 2let them know its a destination wedding and see if they are interested. If you just want to just have them as guest let them know that also
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