Bridesmaid refusing to wear dress, i need advice.

In the kindest and most tactful way your friend needs to suck it up. It's not her wedding. No one's going to be looking at her in her bridesmaid dress anyway.


Adding sleeves and a fuller skirt would make me think it's more bridal than bridesmaid. I've never seen a bridesmaid dress with a poofy skirt.

Is it a possibility to simply pick a color and let your bridesmaids choose the style of dress they feel most comfortable in? It is more modern and I think this is being done more than matching dresses these days. I agree, I wouldn’t want my friend to feel uncomfortable/self-conscious,while standing on display in front of your guests and cameras. These are obviously your nearest and dearest friends, and you want them to look back on your wedding day as a positive experience, not as a day they were miserable. One of my best friends had gained a significant amount of weight due to a medication she was put on, and was forced to wear a bridesmaid dress she felt very self-conscious in. To this day, she refers to it as the wedding from hell. She has zero pictures from that wedding because she feels absolutely horrendous when she looks at herself in them. And their friendship has suffered ever since (because she felt the bride cared more about using her as a prop for her photos than she did about her friend’s feelings).
Ultimately, no one cares about your bridesmaids lol All the focus will be on you and your spouse. So I would focus less on your bridesmaids wearing matching dresses, and more on making them feel comfortable and confident.

Is your wedding May 2024? It is very early to pick bridesmaids and dresses and that may be why she's requesting an alternative. However, that would inconvenience everyone to have another shopping date. I'd table the discussion, and if you don't find an alternative by the fall, tell her to put a shawl or cape on it like below. Stand firm on your design and don't poof out the skirt like she's an antique bride.

Are the dresses that were chosen formfitting on the bottom? I think everyone is envisioning a big puffy ballgown skirt. When I read it, I interpreted it as the current dresses are a bit formfitting, and this particular BM would feel more comfortable in something a bit looser at the bottom, like an A-line skirt.

So have the others already paid for their dresses? If not, then it’s probably not too late to go back to the drawing board (if you want). Otherwise I think it’s unfair on the others to switch things up now if the other dresses have already been ordered. You could also see if she would be comfortable just wearing the dress for photos and the ceremony and then letting her change into something more her style for the reception. Or if some of the parts she finds unflattering could be adjusted slightly in alterations. I do think it could look weird if everyone else matches and she’s the only one who looks different.

Perhaps you can find a dress in the style she likes in the same color.

I would help her find a dress that she is comfortable in. People won't notice if her dress is slightly different and it's important to respect people's comfort levels. I agree that it's too early to be purchasing dresses for a May 2024 wedding also.

You are supposed to consult your party on budget and style ahead of time, which you did, but to be fair, it should have been done individually, not in a group. I would allow your bridesmaids to pick whatever style they like in that line and color.

I agree with everyone that you should let your bridesmaids pick the dresses they feel comfortable in. After all they are supposed to be people you care about, not props. Now I do think you are allowed to be firm on your color choices. My sister didn’t like the color I chose but sucked it up since it was my wedding but I let her at least pick a dress she liked. She wanted long sleeves which was cool with me. My girls did not match outside of having a shade of the same color and jewelry. I let them pick their own dresses, hairstyles, shoes etc. No one is really paying that much attention to them anyway and whether they “match”. When they’re standing next to you everyone is looking at the two getting married. When I look at my photos matching styles is not what I notice. I notice that it was an incredibly happy moment for me and honestly those aren’t the pictures I’d hang in my house lol. It would be the ones of just me and my husband anyway




Also, it is quite early to pick dresses. You may change your mind. I did and plenty of brides do. And the circumstances around your bridesmaids may change (weight etc)

This is the problem with shopping as a group for dresses. It's going to be hard for everyone to feel comfortable talking about their size or body insecurities in front of a bunch of people.

OP, I so appreciate your willingness to make this work for everyone! I would keep the same colour and designer, and then invite everyone to choose a dress in a size and style that makes them feel good. The variations will look great!

Also if your wedding is in more than a year from now, you're very early with dress shopping. People's bodies change, and you may have to do quite a bit of altering of the dresses.

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Beautiful photos, Taylor!

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Thank you! Wanted to give an example of mismatched dresses

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I also love the grey pashmina on the other BM and how it fits in with the suit colour!

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Thanks! Yeah since she didn't have sleeves and the ceremony was at 4:30 in october I mentioned that it might be a bit chilly in the shade and she knew what color the guys were wearing. I didn't know for sure she was getting that color though as I didn't know if she knew remembered the guys suits. And I wanted her to buy something she might want to use again in the future. I figured she would get a neutral color anyway and I didn't really care. It turned out perfect though!

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The dresses weren't exactly form fitting, but they go straight down and have a small train, like this.

But she doesn't like how the material flatters her hips, so she wants a more voluminous skirt to conceal it. I think I'm just going to switch it around because I am paying for the dresses and I haven't even ordered them yet, we are planning to do that later this year around christmastime. She's suggesting something more like this.

I think that's totally doable and the other bridesmaids wouldn't hate it.

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That really pretty! I'm really glad you're listening to her concerns!

Putting a friendship on the chopping block over a dress is not a good look. She has done nothing wrong except maybe needs to learn how to stand up for herself and share opinions.


There is no reason to have everyone match or switch the dresses for everyone. Someone who is visibly uncomfortable will not be in a good mood, and it will show in her demeanor. That is not a valid reason to remove her from the wedding party. Let her pick something she is comfortable wearing and the rest can wear what they decided on without any issues.

I always considered it an honor to be asked to be in a friend's wedding, so I never complained no matter how much I disliked the dress. I have a similar problem and am a little fat up with the whining and complaining, so I just told two of friends that I would not be offended and would not be upset with them if they chose not to be in the wedding. I left it at that and they eventually came around.

View Quoted Comment I think the silhouette that’s she’s suggesting is very reasonable, and frankly expected, if she’s full figured. The only potential concern is embellishment. If the other ladies’ dresses are solid in color , as picture, with no lace, etc, then her dress should be too. Also not a bad idea to see if any of your other bridesmaid like this different silhouette for themselves as well. Then you could potentially have a more cohesive look.