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Just Said Yes March 2022

Bridesmaid question

Raquel, on January 23, 2020 at 3:37 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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So I have a few friends that I’ve known and been close to for nearly two decades. I never really wanted a giant bridal party and imagined these 3 girls would be my bridesmaids and maid of honor. Well the moment we announced that we’re engaged, one of them, the one I’m actually the most closest to, got a little weird and said stuff along the lines of being way too busy to participate in anything or help with planning. Mind you, this was just the announcement that my fiance proposed (which they all knew was happening because he asked them for advice). I hadn’t even gotten to the part about asking them to be bridesmaids or anything. So it was just a little jarring. I am also relatively low maintenance and don’t want all the parties before the wedding (shower, bachelorette, etc) or anything and was expecting on planning the wedding with my fiance and that’s it. I don’t think it’s anyone else’s burden to try and plan our wedding so I would neverrrr ask that of anyone, my only thing is just having them up there with me the day of. I mentioned this and that I don’t want them to be stressed about doing or planning anything and all I would want is for them to show up the day of in a dress (of their choosing - I literally don’t care what they wear and if they prefer me to just tell them what dress I’m happy to do that too and to help with buying it). She is in law school and is stressed.. and even said she can only do it if the date is after the BAR exam and she passes it, because if she doesn’t then she’s just going to be studying to take it again. Mind you, this wedding is loosely planned for the end of 2021 (To gather finances/finish school). All I want out of the bridesmaids and maid of honor is for them to just show up on the day of the wedding and she is making me think I’m asking for the world. And maybe it’s a bigger deal than I’m making it out to be? I just need someone here to reality check me because I don’t think I’m asking for a lot, but if I am I want to know.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Trinity, on January 24, 2020 at 7:16 PM

VIP September 2020
Neeva · on January 23, 2020 at 3:47 PM
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You're not asking for a lot but some people just don't want to be a bridesmaid and that is okay. She sounds super stressed about law school right now and that makes sense.
It is a commitment to be a bridesmaid whether it's just them showing up in a dress to stand there for you (lowest level of commitment, but still a commitment).
I would just invite her as a guest, sorry!
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Devoted June 2022
Alma · on January 23, 2020 at 3:47 PM
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I don't believe its too much to ask.
But if you really want her standing with you I would give her an open invitation to choose closer to the date.
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Devoted March 2020
Kelsie · on January 23, 2020 at 3:48 PM
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I don't think you are asking too much especially since you've known her for so long. The stress could be clouding her judgement on all of this too. Would she be the maid of honor? Maybe she thinks she will be the MOH, and is stressed that she will have higher expectations even if you're not asking that of her. If that is stressing her, maybe don't make her the MOH (unless she really deserves it), and let her know that as a bridesmaid she literally just needs to show up. You may also approach it from the side of you would be inviting her to the wedding anyway since she's a close friend and so she might as well stand up with you since you aren't requiring anything out of your girls. I assume she wouldn't want to miss the wedding and would try to make it as a guest anyway!
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on January 23, 2020 at 4:59 PM
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I don't think you are asking to much, but I also wouldn't ask anyone yet to be a bridesmaid this far in advance as relationships can change. Personally, I probably wouldn't have her in my wedding if she has already been making a big deal about being in it. To me that is more drama than it is worth. While I totally understand you really want her to be in the wedding, she has made her feelings known and I would just accept that she likely will not be in your wedding.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 23, 2020 at 6:05 PM
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You're better than me because I would never demand this but I would want at least a bachelorette party lol. I agree with the pp's and I feel in her side way she is kind of letting you know that she cannot commit to being a bridesmaid. I would wait until closer to but maybe just have her be a guest. Does not change your friendship but some people have too much going on to be a bridesmaid. Ultimately see where her life is at closer to the day but you have time.
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Devoted May 2021
Trinity · on January 24, 2020 at 7:16 PM
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You are not asking too much, but if you explain everything to her, and she still doesn't want to be your BM, just let it go. I was actually in the same situation as you are. I wanted a 6 BMs girls wedding party because I can't imagine walking down the aisle without these girls. However, before I even asked formally, I talked to all of them, and my bff of 10 years said that she didn't want to be involve even though I told her that I don't expect her to attend any parties besides rehearsal and wedding day. I even told her I will cover hair and makeup, she just needs to buy her own dress and look pretty. My other friend and fiance convinced me to just let it goes since she doesn't want to be my BM. So I will have 5, but I am happy. I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
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