Bridesmaid question

Unfortunately, being in a wedding party is not a tit for tat deal. Your bridesmaid is not obligated to have you in her party. You are absolutely allowed to feel bummed out, but try not to take it personally.

Just because you've asked someone to be in your wedding party does not obligate them to ask you. And to assume so is immature and childish. They have the power of choice just like you did.

Being a bridesmaid is a choice and not an automatic reciprocation. Honestly I’d actually be happy because being a bridesmaid kinda sucks (lol) and costs too much for it not to be your own wedding. Some see it as a privilege but I see it as a burden (and therefore I’m not having a bridal party and not putting that burden on my friends). I want my girls to enjoy the wedding as guests.

Have you talked to your friend? Maybe she didn't want to add extra stress for you since you'll be busy planning your wedding. Maybe she wanted to make sure her party focuses on her wedding and needs (which isn't wrong, just a choice).
Still not a great feeling tho 😞

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Next part of my question - does it mean u have to still travel to destination bachelorette party (if they are going to yours- but you’re not in theirs)?

View Quoted Comment I agree with the other pps. It sucks but don't say anything. She doesn't have to make you a bridesmaid. To answer your question you're not required to attend anything. Honestly the only way I would spend money is if I were in the bridal party. If you don't want to spend your money for that then don't.

I would think, "yay, I'm so glad my close friend is getting married!" It's not about me.

My feelings may be hurt but at the end of the day, it is their wedding and their choice to include who they want to. I would try not to take it personally. Maybe express to them that your feelings are hurt so that you aren't holding it in but I wouldn't ask them to include me later since they would only be doing it out of guilt.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Next part of my question - does it mean u have to still travel to destination bachelorette party (if they are going to yours- but you’re not in theirs)?

View Quoted Comment

If you are invited to the bach party, then it is your choice to travel for it. Not being party of the bridal party doesn't necessarily leave you out of the wedding festivities (bach party, showers etc), you just don't have to worry about buying a special dress for the big day lol

This may or may not help you but my fiancé is in the same boat with his groomsmen. His cousin asked my fiancé to be in his wedding. Now we’re engaged and my fiancé feels obligated to have him in his even though he’d rather someone else. You just have to decide if it’s worth the drama of having someone or not having someone in it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yikes. I mean, just because you ask someone to be in your bridal party doesn’t mean they have to ask you to be in theirs... but... I’d probably be hurt too :/ I’m sorry

Your feelings are totally valid! I would be hurt too! I would just assume she knew that being a bridesmaid my run into your wedding plans, honeymoon plans, or that it may be too much financially on you. Try to think positively about it, I'm sure it wasn't to intentionally hurt you! Think of it this way, you get to have a fun first wedding outing as a married couple with your spouse, don't have to buy an expensive bridesmaid dress, and you DON'T have to travel for an expensive bachelorette if you don't want to! You get the freedom of choice that comes with being a close friend of the bride, but a guest!

One of the reasons you may not have been asked is because of the financial obligations that come with being a bridesmaid. She may not have wanted to overload you especially with your wedding so close.
As far as the destination bachelorette party, if you can’t swing it or just don’t want to go, you don’t have to.
I would talk to her before you make any decisions. And maybe ask her why. If you don’t go to her’s, it may create an awkwardness for your bridal party festivities.

I would be pretty bummed too. Is there a chance she just hasn’t asked you yet due to timing? I have a friend that asked her bridesmaids a few months a part because there were situations some of the girls were going through (babies and graduations) that weren’t appropriate in her eyes to shine the light on her.

I would assume my friend didn't ask me because I would be too busy planning my wedding to give her the bridal attention she deserves for her big day.

I asked my FH cousin to be a BM and then she got engaged and picked a date 3 weeks after our wedding date.

I told her she could absolutely choose not to be a bm anymore if she needed to focus on her wedding. She said she could swing it.

She asked me to be a BM and I said yes but reminded her that a lot of our showers and bach parties were going to be around the same time and I wasn't sure how much attention I could put into hers. She said no prob.

What is the problem? People do not necessarily choose those whom they have been BM for, to be in their wedding. Nothing strange there. You chose people you felt closest to, whom you also thought would be able to handle the finances, travel, and have the time. She fit. But her friends D's include other friends and family besides you. I was in 12 non-family weddings, and 6 of cousins, and one brother's, in the three years before and including mine. Should I have had these 19, for starters, in mine? Silly. And I have 4 sisters, and 35 female first cousins within 5 years of my same age. But I picked 3 people and my Godmother. People with a limited number of long term friends, and small families, more often reciprocate. But someone with many possibilities, can only choose a few. Be happy for her, go to her shower. Don't resent your not being chosen. You have enough going on .

It sucks but I agree that it doesn't necessarily mean they have to have you just because you had them