I met the bride about 10 months ago. We became close friends quickly as we had very similar personalities. She was already “engaged” when I met her. It actually became a running joke that she and I were dating each other, but sleeping with our respective guys since hers is in Japan, and mine is a police officer with a totally opposite schedule from mine. She and I talk all day every day, starting with good morning texts, we try to do weekly date night, etc.
A little back story on the couple, she is marrying this guy she knew in high school. He left for the military after graduation and they more or less lost touch. After about 4 and a half years, they started talking again, though he was stationed in Japan, and she lived in the US. He came home for 3 weeks that Christmas, then 6 months later she flew to Japan for 10 days, where they got “engaged.” I put this in quatation marks, as they werent telling her family they were engaged, so she had to hide the fake ring for months. He came home for Christmas this last year for 3 weeks (so for those of you keeping total, they’ve now only spent 8 weeks actually together) and he officially asked her with a real ring and told their families. Per military, they got officially married 5 days later, for which I took off work to be the witness at the courthouse. Neither are telling their parents.
Now for why I want to drop out of the wedding. Early on in our friendship she lied to me, and to others multiple times to make herself and her now husband look better, nearly ruining my relationship in the process. I cannot stand her husband, as he is controlling and treats her like property, which she has openly and explicitly told me she is okay with. He’ll go days, even weeks at a time without talking to her, even when she was sick and in the hospital. She’ll get mad at him, but as soon as they talk, shes so grateful to hear from him, she forgives him and talks about how happy he makes her. Her whole world revolves around him. As soon as he comes into town, no one and nothing else matters.
I had always known that our friendship wouldn’t last, I decided long ago that I wouldn’t make a huge deal out of her lies and how she treats me, since I knew she would be leaving this June. I figured she would leave and it wouldn’t be as stressful and I could still be a part of her life and her wedding. All of a sudden her hubby and maid of honor come into town, and I am openly excluded from things. Despite the fact that I’m the one who answers the phone at 3 am when she’s had a one-off panic attack (despite suffering from severe anxiety myself). I’m the one who has picked her up every time she’s been down these last 10 months. The one who is there for her at a moments notice when a family member was in the hospital. The one who makes sure her self esteem is in tact every time someone else knocks her down.
I tried to bring her into the reality of being an adult (she’s 24, married, but lives at home with her dad who pays her car, insurance, health insurance, phone bill, checks her bank accounts, etc.) and she wont have any of it. She can trash talk my boyfriend (who I actually met through her) but god forbid I say anything about her jerk controlling husband. Plus she wants her dad to pay for a $50K wedding, which he can’t afford, when she’s already secretly married.
The wedding is a year away, so its not a huge deal if I drop out now, just wondering if I’m in the wrong for wanting to end a friendship and drop out of her wedding after the bride’s behavior.
