Bridesmaid picking

Since your wedding is not until October 2023, I wouldn’t even worry about picking a bridal party right now. Bridal parties are usually chosen no more than 1 year out. So take the next 7-9 months to see where the relationships with your friends go, then choose only those closest to you.

Wait to choose your bridal party until 6 months before the wedding. By then you probably won't be friends with this person anymore.

Wow! 13 girls is a lot!
I don't think telling her that she won't be in the wedding party is necessary. Give yourself time to enjoy being engaged and doing the initial wedding planning. Then when it's time to pick the wedding party, if you still feel like she shouldn't be in there, so be it! If she asks why you can explain. No need to go out of your way to tell her she's not in.

Wait until 6 months before the wedding to ask anyone. Relationships change so much between now and then. There are many posts of brides who asked the wrong people way too early and it backfired. But make sure they are part of your current innermost social circle. Not everyone can afford the role, nor do they want the emotional responsibility, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t support and love you.

Good news is that it's waaaaay too early to choose your wedding party. Wait about a year, and things will likely be way clearer by then. Things do change, and choosing 13 people right now is asking for drama. Also you don't have to ask everyone that you're close with, I would pick the top 3-4. I don't know anything about your budget but having a wedding party is expensive, so I'd research that a bit too.

View Quoted Comment Definitely second this

Thank you to giving me your advice. I appreciate it all however, I am a type A planner and organisational person. I really don’t have a lot of time to plan this stuff 6 months out, that is too close to pick people and do everything that needs to be done. I have 4 weddings to go this year alone and won’t be able to really plan much and there is a lot of different things that tie into this so yeah I would like to start planning sooner rather than later.

What needs to be done?

It's just the attire for the wedding party. That can be done at 6 months ahead.

View Quoted Comment What needs to be done so early beyond getting your vendors in place? What extra expectations do you have for bridesmaids? Are they able to fulfill them? A bridesmaid only needs to purchase a dress and show up on the wedding day to support you.

Hello sweetheart! I’m sorry that you’re going through this but let me tell you one thing, you are not alone😂so I’ve been engaged for 1 year now and when I tell you that my bridesmaid has been long and then cut short😂I am down to 2 people and I’m ok with that. Because guess what? I know these 2 women support me and my relationship, we have cried together, hit milestones together, laughed together, and everything in between. I don’t have to worry about these 2 liking my man, sleeping with my man, or secretly hating him😂there’s no jealousy, hate, or secret envy. I had to cut my blood sister out my life a few weeks ago because during times like this you see who is truly happy for you and whos not💯DO NOT let her ruin your big day because it’s possible that she will if she’s acting this way. At the end of the day, no one should “expect” a bridesmaid box, or whatever you decide to do to ask them. So I feel you shouldn’t tell her that she didn’t make the cut. And if she ask why you didn’t ask her, well that’s a bridge you cross when you get there, but don’t worry about it now. Good luck 🍀 ❤️

Picking bridesmaids should be one of the last things you need to do. Plan a budget first, pick a venue, see how your friendships evolve. The bridal party is one of the least complicated parts of the planning. It's not the equivalent of booking a vendor who may get booked by someone else on the same date.


I also wonder why you stay friends with someone who treats you so poorly. By the time your wedding comes around, you may not even be extending this person an invite.
Choosing 13 bridesmaids this far in advance is begging for drama

When it comes time to pick your bridesmaids, always pick people who love you celebrate you. That’s what I did and guess what? My sisters didn’t make the cut due to harsh words and how they have always treated me. If they ask, yeah, tell them why they didn’t make the cut. But if they don’t ask, I wouldn’t volunteer the information.

Cherish your engagement, and try not to be stressed. When in doubt, choose the simple option because it will actually get more stressful. This includes nixing suspect friendships. You don't have to tell her anything. Best wishes.

View Quoted Comment

I get wanting to plan ahead, I pinky promise! I technically asked my girls a year out, and honestly I almost wish I had waited until the 8 month mark. Not because I would have changed my mind on any of them, but I would have added another one of my friends.

I personally found 6 months to be too close, as that's when they should be ordering their dresses (and you definitely want to give them time to fully consider and make sure it will fit their budget), so to me 8 months is the happy medium.

You can have bridal party looks/vision boards planned out before you ask, but I definitely think waiting to officially pick them will be a benefit to everyone.

Since your wedding date is so far out, I would take the time to reflect and really think about who you'd want as your bridal party. They're your support and it doesn't matter how long or short you've known them. If they've been good to you and a big support to you, they deserve to be in your bridal party. It is hard to not include some people in your life to be in your bridal party. I would think it over for awhile and make your decisions in a few months.

I wouldn't ask someone who treats you poorly now as it may not improve in the time to come. Also, what if she ends up spoiling your bridal shower, kitchen tea and wedding even because of her attitude and behaviour? Has she said anything like she expects to be in the bridal party? What does your fiance say? I think 12 sounds like a better number than 13 anyway .