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Just Said Yes November 2021

Bridesmaid obligations

Hannah, on November 14, 2019 at 12:36 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17
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I’m going to try to make this long story short.

I already have 8 bridesmaids picked out and that’s already more than I wanted. My fiancée wants his two cousins (he is close with them as they grew up together) as my bridesmaids but I don’t want them to be. He was a groomsmen in one of the cousins wedding. It’s not that I don’t like his cousins but 1. I’m not that close to them 2. I already have more bridesmaids than I already want. 3. If I ask them then I have to ask my cousin too. I have to draw the line somewhere.
I don’t think I should feel obligated to ask them even though he was in one of there weddings. If they were boys then he could pick them to be groomsmen. I really don’t want to offend them but I can’t cut out my family and girls that I’m close with for his two cousins that I only see twice a year.
i told him we can include them in other ways and that it doesn’t mean they can’t participate. They can always be in charge of the guest book and programs. He doesn’t see it my way. I also think my mother in law is offended that I don’t want to have her nieces in the wedding. I’m trying not to be selfish and I’m trying to make everyone happy but this is really stressing me out.

Am I wrong for thinking this way??

17 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on November 15, 2019 at 1:41 PM
  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    8 bridesmaids is already a lot. Let them be his groomswomen and stand on his side. Your fiance and MIL are being unreasonable if they won't take your compromise offers. Your bridal party should be people who are close to YOU.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Your bridesmaids are your choice, no one else’s. If he wants them in the wedding party, he can put them on his side.
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  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    I’m going to echo PP. If it means that much to him to have them stand up with him, then he can have them as groomswomen on his side. My FH is having one of his close friends, who happens to be female, stand up as his Person of Honor. It’s 2019 (almost 2020); wedding parties don’t need to be divided up by gender any more.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Super October 2020
    Megan ·
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    You don’t need to go by stereotypical gender norms. They can stand on his side if he’s so desperate to have them in the wedding; they don’t have to stand on your side just because they’re female.
    If you don’t want them in the wedding (or at least on your side) stand your ground.
    • Reply
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I agree with PP if he wants them in the wedding then they can stand on his side as groomspeople. No one should be telling you who you need to have standing by you on your day.

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  • T
    Devoted May 2021
    Trinity ·
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    I agree with you, 8 BMs is already a lot. Have you thought about having his cousins as bridesman or groomswomen? Whatever you call that. It's so trendy right now, and I think it would solve the problem.

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  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
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    He can have them as groomswomen if he really wants them to be in the wedding. People on your side are the people that are important TO YOU.

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  • Brianna N
    Super October 2019
    Brianna N ·
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    Another option would be to have them both do readings during the ceremony and still be part of the "bridal party" as readers, but not as bridesmaids! They don't have to be long. Just a short and sweet poem or something! I am native american and we had a native american poem about love read and a short bible verse because my FH is religious.

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I would definitely stand your ground. Don't include them in your bridal party if you're not close to them!

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Your BM's are you choice only. If your FI wants them in the wedding party, then he can have them on his side! There's nothing wrong with mixed sex wedding parties or uneven numbers!!!

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    You're not being selfish, and you're not looking at this the wrong way. BMs are chosen because they are close to you, and you want to share your day with them at your side. They're not supposed to be chosen out of "duty" because they'll be in laws.

    That said, if these were FH's sisters, I could almost see FH's and FMIL's point, but they're cousins. You're not even having your cousin as a BM, why in the world would you have his cousins?

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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    Bridal parties do NOT need to be gender specific. He can have his cousins stand on his side.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think you're totally valid !
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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I agree with what has been said already. If he wants them in the wedding party then they can stand on his side. There is no reason for you to make them your bridesmaids. Only you should be able to decide who your bridesmaids are and they should be your nearest and dearest.

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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    I understand that your bridesmaids are YOUR bridesmaids, but it is not just your wedding. My FH and I chose our party based off who was important to us - one of his best friends is my bridesmaid even though we only recently became friends and one of my cousins will be his groomsman cuz he is like a brother to me. I think it is important to make sure your party reflects you as a couple, and not just the bride side and groom side.

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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    No, you are not wrong! If he wants them in the wedding, he should ask them to be groomswomen or get them involved some other way. You don’t want people you are not comfortable with in the same dressing room as you seeing you in your underwear. That’s how I see it.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree 100%!! Your side of the Bridal party is your choice!

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