Bridesmaid not invited to bridal shower

Wow! I couldnt imagine having a shower without my bridesmaids there. (Unless of course there was a conflict that they could not help!)

I really dont know if its standard. I was in a freinds wedding a few years ago and she had two showers. One thrown by the BMs and another by one of the women in her church. The BMs were all invited to both. I find it strange this extra shower wasn't mentioned to you. Maybe the host didn't think you would come b/c you live oot but its still rude not to at least ask. Are you friends with the host? Even if you don't know each other well I'd think you should be invited since you are obviously a friend of the bride. IDK i'm a paranoid insecure crazy person so my mind immediately goes to someone is hiding something, doesn't want me involved for w/e reason, has a grudge IDK. Not sure if you should say something to the host b/c could be awkward at other wedding related events but at the same time I'd want to know and i'd rather have it out in the open if this girl dislikes me for some reason or if I did something to offend so I can attempt to make things right, or not depending on the situation.

Yes, it is standard to invite all BMs to the bridal shower. If there was a plan to host a small shower that should have been agreed upon by the BP rather than hosting two (bride only and a joint).

I default to inviting people to things, even if they live way out of town - for example, my aunt lives several states away but I'm still going to invite her to my shower, despite the fact she probably won't come.

They may not need to be invited, but you should at least know about it!

That does seem strange and I can see how that would be hurtful. They probably assumed since you are throwing a shower you wouldn't need to be at two. My aunt is throwing a family only shower for me. My BM's are cousins so they are invited but if they weren't family I wouldn't have demanded they be invited. Sorry you are hurt.

@Kiera

The BM/host of last week's shower used to be a good friend in elementary school, but we drifted apart because of taking opposite cheerleader and nerd paths in high school. There have never been any issues between us, but she still has some of that mean girl snobbery leftover from high school. For years I have run into her occasionally at parties, and she was always polite even if she would quickly move on to talk to other people. She gives off the vibe that she is socially superior, but I may be reading too much into her lack of engaging in conversation with me.

I will admit to immediately blaming her for choosing not to invite me. I have heard through mutual friends about the friendship ending drama with one of her BMs when she was a bride a couple years ago. She has been through the wedding/shower rolls many times before and should be very aware that all BMs get invited to every shower. I am 99% that she put the guest list together without input from the bride because there is a group of them from high school that still live in our hometown and only interact with each other. I have no idea if the other BMs outside that group were invited or not.

I am sure that the bride would not think that I would be hurt by this. She never participated in their petty games and likely assumed there was nothing amiss by me not being there because I have moved away. I won't bring this up to her. I am very glad that I could express my hurt here amongst people who understand the dynamics of bridal parties and be able to get over it.

I will add, though, that I am sooo glad I did not cave to guilt and past family relationships with her family to invite her to my wedding. If she had invited me, I likely would have. I also cannot wait to have her be a guest at the very large party I will be hosting.

Were you the only BM not invited?

@Kirackle- did you invite this person to the shower you are hosting? She sounds spiteful. I thought maybe they just didn't want you to feel like you had to host one and attend one but maybe she's a mean girl.

This could possibly be a etiquette translation, too. They may not have invited you because you were already hosting a bridal shower for her. I know that some people believe it is "bad" etiquette to invite people to multiple showers.

Please don't take it personal. They may have thought it would be more polite not invite you knowing you were already hosting and would have to travel.

I was BM for a friend and I wasn't invited to her shower - none of her BMs were, I think it was a family affair

@Kiracle, thanks for the clarification. I'd be hurt also in your position, unfortunate some people peak in HS and never change. If you can find out if any of the other BMs outside that circle were excluded, maybe even chat em up at your party. I'd also go out of my way to be super nice to her when your hosting (But not let it take away from other guests or the bride) just to show that you are the bigger person and if she thinks shes above you and all that crap it will super annoy her.

If others outside the circle were excluded maybe it has nothing to do with social superiority and she just wanted to relive days gone by somewhat with their close circle. However if that isn't the case then i'd def come up with some kind of subtle pay back. But i'm a vindictive btch like that. I'm sure your party will outshine hers in every way!

@Erin

The wedding is not until September, so this was extremely early for a shower. The one I am co-hosting will be in August and of course all the BMs will be invited. Because of the practice to have 5-6 people co-host showers, it will not be that much of a burden to host. I will be providing the venue and setting up for the party, while the other ladies will organize the caterers, alcohol, and invitations.

Thankfully, a different BM is planning the bachelorette party or else I would have to be proactive and find out the details directly from asking the bride.

I'm a BM in my brothers wedding and because i'm the only one that lives OOT the other BMs forget me. I'm the only person that didn't get an actual invite to the shower, even tho the bride told them to send me one, twice. And they decided who was doing what for the shower, sending me a list, and are now complaining that the cost wasn't split evenly. And because of them changing dates last minute, I won't be at the bachelorette party. I'm just going to grin and bear it for the brides sake.

Expectations ruin relationships, break hearts, and instill within us resentment and bitterness. Weddings give us 100s of reasons to be offended and selfish. Make a commitment to not be offended or resentful. If you are going to be happy in this world you will have to find a way to lower your expectations. The only way to remain happy will be: going forward don't expect people to have manners, behave well, consider your feelings or make life fair for you. The Host wanted to keep it small, didn't invite you since you are out of town, doesn't like you much, or it could be any number of other reasons, whatever the reason you gotta let it go. Don't ask anyone about it, gossip or get mad. Don't retaliate or keep a record and stew over it. Be hurt alone, understand that this is just one of many times you will be excluded, or you will exclude others. It happens, and it hurts, but there is no way to make it better, and talking about it will surely make it worse for you, the person you unload on, and anyone else who hears about it. You will only seem butt-hurt, pouty and an instigator of drama if you talk about it. Lower your expectations, like way way lower them. Don't expect people to show up, invite you, consider your feelings, pay for anything, be helpful, volunteer, or act well...then if people do behave well, it will be an unexpected bonus. Use your manners and graciously forgive this person going forward. Consider that they may not like you, consider what the reason could be and try to change it. When you see this person again try to win them over and make a great impression, repair anything you may of done to turn them off and use it as a motivation to be a better more likable person. Perhaps make it a goal to go out of your way to make sure this person likes you. Don't talk about this hurt, rather determine to be a person of integrity and humility. Understand that life sucks, people are rude and you only have a short amount of time on this earth to try to change that.