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Just Said Yes August 2019

Bridesmaid Lack of interest..normal?

Renee , on January 10, 2018 at 1:38 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 22

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I am currently struggling with the lack of interest that my bridesmaids are showing in my wedding. I am the last to get married...leaving all my bridesmaids having babies and mortgages now. I have been certain to not talk about my wedding unless it was asked about... which has been once in 6 months between three of them. (Two of the five are my sisters and have been somewhat helpful.)This wouldn’t be such a big deal but I’m a tad heart broken because I was constantly checking in and being with them every grueling step for their big day when I was their bridesmaid. Am I being overly sensitive or is this normal? One of my BM’s who will have to travel to be at my wedding has even stopped responding to texts asking about how her baby/job is! Thinking about giving them an “out” especially since my wedding was just pushed back to 2019. Has anyone experienced this/have an “out” how did it go?

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22 Comments

Latest activity by Amber, on February 20, 2023 at 12:29 PM

Master September 2018
Jennifer · on January 10, 2018 at 1:42 PM
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No one will be as excited about your wedding as you will be, remember that and you won't get your feelings hurt.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on January 10, 2018 at 1:43 PM
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Chances are good you’ll ruin any friendship you have with these women if you attempt to “give them an out”. No one will be as excited for your wedding as you are. They all have lives and are busy, and just because you behaved a certain way toward them when they got married doesn’t mean that behavior will be reciprocated.
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Dedicated June 2018
EML · on January 10, 2018 at 1:43 PM
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Your wedding isn't until 2019. As PP said no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are. I'm sure that when it's much much closer they will be more interested.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on January 10, 2018 at 1:44 PM
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They're busy. At the end of the day, you're throwing a party. Yes, it's an important life milestone and I am sure they'll be thrilled for you when it comes, but in the meantime? It's your party to plan.
Especially if they have babies, it's just not as big of a deal to them.
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Super August 2019
Future Louie · on January 10, 2018 at 1:45 PM
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It's normal for your friends to not be as excited about your wedding than you are. But it does seem odd that the one isn't responding to you about you asking about her job and baby. Is it possible that she just might be super preoccupied with other things going with her life? Since your wedding got pushed back to 2019, it won't be on the forefront of anyone's (besides yours and FS') until a couple months leading up to the wedding, so that's normal.
I don't have advice on giving them an 'out' but I would probably just hold off on talking to them about their role until much later. They may end up coming to you on their own terms to back down. They don't need to be doing anything right now and you don't need to expect anything of them until late 2018/early 2019.
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Expert June 2018
LeeAnne · on January 10, 2018 at 2:10 PM
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I am having the same issue because I am pretty much the last one to get married as well & I am with you I am a little hurt as well because I was there constantly checking every week is there anything I can do to take some stress off your plate? Any running around, anything to pick up? But they are not being that way & it's very much hurting my feelings my moh has been on the ball on top of everything she has to take care of but everyone else even my mom it's like pulling teeth... I have expressed my feelings to my mom & she has been alot better & just said she wasn't concerned because we still had 6 months, I explained i want everything done way ahead because I know how I am when I feel pressured on time. so I am debating if I should do that with my bridesmaid as well?
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on January 10, 2018 at 2:37 PM
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Alas, once you ask them, it's too late to offer them an out. But their only duties are to get the dress and stand beside you.
And realistically, a) it's way too early for them to take much interest, and b) not everyone is interested in weddings at all, much less ones 19 months away.
I'd focus on the one who won't talk about her baby/job. But the focus there should be on figuring out whether she's okay, and working to maintain the friendship. The fact that she's a BM is definitely secondary.
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Super August 2017
Hannah · on January 10, 2018 at 2:38 PM
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I wouldn’t expect anyone to be excited about my wedding really. I think weddings are kinda silly anyway lol. They have their own lives, kids, etc. no don’t give them an “out” (however you were thinking of doing that) unless you want to ruin your friendship
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Expert May 2018
Charli · on January 10, 2018 at 3:04 PM
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Yeah, I wouldn't be too worried about it right now. You still have a while. I'm 4 months away from my wedding and I honestly try to change the subject when someone brings it up because I'm exhausted with the whole thing. They'll probably get more excited and ask more questions once you're a few months away.
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Super October 2017
Emily · on January 10, 2018 at 3:09 PM
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Don't give them an out.... that's just going to damage those friendships. Honestly, and I think it's stupid to say this, but if I'm being honest I was in your position a little. Last to get married apart from my sister and for any number of reasons my bridal party was less "involved" than I was in their weddings. It is okay to be a little disappointed but then you have to remind yourself of why these women are in your bridal party. Because they are your closest friends, because they know and love you (despite knowing you sometimes) and because you wouldn't want anyone else there. They will not be as excited as you are especially with your wedding so far away so just reset that bar and focus on what really matters here. Your wedding will be over someday and life goes back to how it was before so don't ruin anything now based on a very artificial reality for you.
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Master October 2017
LillyBean17 · on January 10, 2018 at 3:11 PM
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I'm going to ask you a serious question without snark or attitude: why should these women care about a wedding that isn't theirs? Why do you have these expectations for someone that isn't your fiance? I think you need to consider why you expect something so unreasonable and then let it go, realizing that if it's not their life, people likely won't be as excited about your milestones as you are.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on January 10, 2018 at 5:30 PM
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Just put the whole thing on the back burner for a while, as far as they are concerned. There is really nothing for them to be doing right now.
One of the hardest things to learn in life is to stop measuring people by either our own past performance or our expectations.
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Dedicated May 2019
Lynn · on January 10, 2018 at 5:40 PM
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I am going through this with my potential bridal party (I haven't asked them yet). Yes it is very heart breaking because this is something we always wanna talk about because its new fresh and exciting. I know at some point to people it will get annoying, but to us it never will. Honestly I come on here and talk about my wedding with the other brides. I feel like I get the best advice and the same excitement from the other brides here then I do my friends in person. This may be a situation where you might have to see if they are even still interested in being apart of your big day. Good luck
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Master March 2017
BlueHenBride · on January 10, 2018 at 5:47 PM
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With your wedding not until 2019, it's understandable no one's really asking about it. Right now, there's nothing to be done for your wedding but book vendors and pin inspiration for flowers, decor, and colors. Those aren't things anyone besides you and your FS need to be concerned with. They've all planned weddings; they know that this far away, the answer to the question "how is wedding planning going?" is not going to change much month-to-month.

Right now, I'd continue to focus on your friendships. When your wedding gets a lot closer, they'll probably show a little more interest.
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Dedicated June 2018
Bride2beeee · on January 10, 2018 at 6:45 PM
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I got engaged in 2016 and my BP didn’t start asking or making suggestions until the end of 2017. So give them time. Now I getting phone calls and text messages from my MOHs like crazy
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Super June 2018
NinjaBride · on January 10, 2018 at 8:28 PM
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There is a lot of time before your wedding, I think you’re thinking too much into it.
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Just Said Yes August 2019
Renee · on January 11, 2018 at 1:26 AM
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I should tell everyone... my bridesmaids don’t even know my wedding is pushed back a year. They all thing it’s 8months from now. Which is still awhile away, but not one check in.
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Super October 2017
K squared · on January 11, 2018 at 8:43 AM
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Even 8 months out is a lot of time. My own family didn't even start to get really excited until a few months out. What do you honestly expect from them this far out? How many wedding related conversations a week would be enough for you to be assured that they were excited enough about your wedding? What help do you need from them at this point that you can't get from the person you're marrying? These are honest questions and not trying to be snarky.
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Just Said Yes June 2023
Amber · on February 20, 2023 at 8:58 AM
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My wedding is less than 4 months away and only have 3 bridesmaids, one is my 14 year old daughter and the other two have pretty much ghosted me. And whenever I try to ask them to get together to talk about any planning they either ignore me or find excuses. Is it time to end these friendships? I have other friends who aren't even in the bridal party offering more help and really think they are more deserving and actually want to be a part of my day.
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CM · on February 20, 2023 at 12:21 PM
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This is an old thread. You might get more advice if you start your own discussion. But briefly, your bridal party are not responsible to help you plan your wedding. The fact that you think they are may be a clue to what's going on. It may be time to reexamine your own expectations.
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