Bridesmaid issues

Oh and to add my brother was actually with his ex when i was planning the wedding i didnt meet her properly until less than a year before my wedding which is why i didnt have her as a bridesmaid!

You're being over the top. She's not required to make you a bridesmaid just because you're her FH's sister. She doesn't feel like you're close enough and that's okay. It also doesn't sound like she was in your bridal party, so I'm not sure why you think she owes it to you. If your brother wanted you in the wedding, he could have put you on his side.

I dont think you're being over the top. I think anybody in your position would feel that way. I would. But unfortunately shes going to choose who she wants, so I would just make the best of it. If you're close to your brother (which it sounds like you are) then maybe vent to him how you feel. It won't change her mind but at least you got how you're feeling off your chest to your brother. The purpose of these discussions is to be supportive not critical; so I hope that helps!

Your future sister-in-law isn't required to have you in the wedding. If you aren't one of her closest friends or relatives then it shouldn't be a surprise. I also don't think having your brother as an usher is really that much of an honor as they just walk people to their seats. If you want to be upset with someone, you should be upset with your brother because if he wanted you to be a part of his wedding then he would have told his fiancee that you needed to be included in some way either as a groomswoman, reader, etc. My brother was a bridesman in my wedding because I wanted to include him since we have a close relationship. My brother doesn't have a close relationship with my husband and my husband knew who he wanted to be groomsmen so it made perfect sense that my brother was a bridesman. My husband also had a groomswoman so she was paired with my brother.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this statement! Just being you are someone’s sibling does not automatically put you in someone’s wedding party.

So if you’ve only known her about a year and you didn’t make her a bridesmaid in your wedding, why are you expecting to be one in hers? This is on your brother. If he wanted to include you, he could have asked you to stand on his side or do a reading or make a toast. I don’t see why you’re mad at his future wife for not including you but you’re not mad at him.

View Quoted Comment As i said above she wasnt even with my brother when i planned my wedding i only met her properly less than a year before thats why she wasnt included! Its getting the kids ready and watching them they are in the wedding party and i am not so i have to get up early get myself ready and upto the venue in time to get them ready!

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So the real issue is that you don't want to watch their kids? Tell them no.

And i am mad at him never said i wasnt! Im close enough to them when they want me to mind their kids for a week but sure each to there own sit me beside the BAR 🙈🙈

Thanks all ive realised now just to leave it! They can sort their own kids and i can get ready in peace and just show up and have a good time!

My only sibling is also a twin brother. I wasn’t included his wedding party either. I was deeply hurt by that. I don’t know if that’s precisely what set the tone for my relationship with my SIL but that relationship has been tense ever since. Her brother was a groomsman. I was legit the only sibling excluded. I got the message loud and clear.

View Quoted Comment I know Denise but i dont think people understand until they are in the situation themselves! No one knows a twin relationship unless you have one! But i suppose your twin holds the blame too! Im really annoyed and find it so hard to act like everything is fine when its not! But its there wedding I just know where i stand now i suppose!

As a twin myself, I understand that the situation you're in would be really hurtful! My twin sister is my MOH! I agree that some people won't understand the bond a twin has with their twin. You made an effort to include him, he should have made an effort to include you in some capacity (doing a reading or giving a toast). He also is trying to take advantage of you by pressuring you to watch his kids, which I would say no to! They shouldn't expect that you will watch their kids for a week without asking you first!

I understand completely why you would be upset, but you have to let it go. My FSIL isn’t in my bridal party and I wasn’t in hers. I wasn’t offended and I know she isn’t either. She probably wants to have her closest girls around her the day of. If you brother wanted to include you as a grooms woman that’s a different story. Be upset for a day and then move on from it.

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Do you have parents that can get involved? I'm not saying grown adults should still be told what to do by their parents but my husband decided not to have his own brother in his wedding party because they don't get along, but that didn't mean my brother was off the table. My mom basically said it was unfair to not have my brother in just because my husband didn't want his own brother. We did have my brother, and they are closer now which is great. I think she's running her bridal party which she has a right to, but nobody, including your brother, is speaking up on your behalf. If nothing changes, I certainly wouldn't watch her kids for one thing. Not important enough to be a member of her important life event, but trusted enough with her kids? No thank you.

Don't think of it personally. She doesn't need to include you. It's nice you included your brother but it's not always the case for everyone to do vice versa

I personally would be hurt if I wasn't included in my brother's wedding party, since I'm really close to him and assume I would be close to whoever he married. People have different opinions of this but I think the bride & groom's siblings should always be included (unless there is some drama or hatred or something). My brother was a groomsman & my husband's 4 sisters (two biological sisters, one stepsister, and one stepsister in law) were bridesmaids.

That’s a tough one, but it’s her wedding she can pick whoever she wants. Not everyone returns the favor and maybe she doesn’t think you guys are as close as you think you guys are. If it’s that important to you tell your brother how you feel, but I feel like it would be more awkward now to be in the wedding cause you know she’s only inviting you to be in it now because your hurt by it not cause she actually wants you in it.

Im just glad im not the only one who would feel hurt by it. Our mum has made her feelings about the day clear and said she doesnt think its right to not include me. Now anyway if i was to be asked i would say no anyay! It would be awkward around the rest of the bridal party id feel like id guilt tripped my way into the wedding and im not going to he anyones 2nd thought!