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Savvy September 2019

Bridesmaid issues!

Jade, on August 27, 2019 at 10:58 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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I had my bridal shower over the weekend and one of my bridesmaids called me crying two hours before saying she couldn’t come because she was having really bad anxiety and didn’t feel up to it. I told her that I understood and didn’t want her to force herself to come if she was feeling that bad... My shower turned out super fun and it was a good day! The bridesmaid that didn’t show hasn’t texted me again at all since that phone call.... I texted her yesterday to check in and see how she was feeling and ask if we could talk about if she’ll be able to make it to my wedding but I still haven’t gotten a reply.. We’re a month away (Sept 28) and I don’t know if I can trust her to show up! She has struggled with anxiety in the past and we’ve been friends for a really long time so I understand where she’s coming from. I’m not upset I just need to know if I should plan for her to be there or not. Or if I should just tell her to come as a guest instead so that I don’t have to stress about if she’ll show or not. How do I handle this without hurting her feelings but keeping this stress free?
Here are some of my pics from my shower! My bridesmaids that did show up did a really good job to make sure I had a good day!

Bridesmaid issues! 1

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on September 8, 2019 at 8:02 AM

Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 27, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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Your shower looks so cute! I'd call her again and just say you need to talk to her, not only about your wedding but to check in on how she is doing. I'd also mentally prepare yourself that the day of the wedding she might back out even if she says she won't.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 27, 2019 at 11:06 AM
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Can you call or FaceTime?

do you live nearby?

if she’s really dysregulated it’s not unusual to be unable to respond right away. Give her some time.
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Master January 2015
null · on August 27, 2019 at 11:06 AM
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Maybe you could text her and say something like "You know I would love to have you in the bridal party, but if this is something that is causing you too much stress and anxiety, I would completely understand if you would be more comfortable as a guest instead. Please let me know how you feel about this and I'll do whatever I can to help."
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Dedicated November 2021
Keisly · on August 27, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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Awww that looked like it was a lot of fun!!!... I had a similar situation, I had a best friend since middle school that backed out as the maid of honor because she was going through a breakup, which I understand life happens, but she has basically cut out all ties, basically the friendship is over.... my best advice to you is calling her or maybe meet up with her, it’s hard to tell because she struggles with anxiety, I’m guessing most likely start going towards putting her on the guest list, especially if she isn’t getting back to you.. good luck 🍀
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 27, 2019 at 11:11 AM
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Super cute. I'd just check in with her see how she's feeling and if there's anything you could do to help ease things. Also just understand that even if she can't pull thru, I'm sure she means well and wants to be there but sometimes these things just really take over and are so so so difficult.
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Devoted October 2019
Bridget · on August 27, 2019 at 1:08 PM
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I had the same with my Maid of Honor. She has actually decided to not even be a guest because weddings cause her anxiety. I’m sorry, I at least know what is happening, I would prepare your processions both with and without her just in case. And continue to reach out and tell her it’s ok, that you love her and asked her because of her friendship but at the same time don’t want to cause her hurt.
You guys look so happy at your shower! So fun!!
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 27, 2019 at 3:17 PM
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I'm glad you enjoyed your bridal shower!
As someone with anxiety, I would give her the option to attend as a guest if she isn't feeling well. Continue being kind and patient with her!
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Dedicated February 2020
Julie · on August 27, 2019 at 3:59 PM
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I think it's great that you are prioritizing her mental health. Definitely give her some time, but prepare for anything to occur. It's very possible she says she will make it, but doesn't. Have a back up plan in case!
Also, your shower looks adorable!
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on August 28, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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It looks like you girls had a great time; I'm sorry one of them couldn't make it though. I completely understand how you feel- one of my bridesmaids has also suffered through depression and anxiety for years.
She's been a little unresponsive to myself and the other bridesmaids recently, but I know the reason as to why. A friend of ours, whom she was very close to, passed away suddenly from an accidental overdose. She feels absolutely horrible due to the fact that she was one of last people to speak with her. And in the following weeks, she has been a bit of a rut.
I check with her regularly to see how she's doing and to let her vent. I've learned that with my friend t is best to be a loving and caring outlet. Let your friend know that you love her, there's no expectations, and be there for her when she needs it.
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Savvy September 2019
Jade · on August 28, 2019 at 11:32 AM
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Thanks everyone for your kind replies!!! It made me feel better to hear that I should keep being patient with her 💗 We talked again and she said that she really wants to make it to the wedding and wants to be involved! I told her I will prepare either way so that she doesn’t have to feel stress of disappointing me if she is struggling when it comes up! Hoping it’ll all work out! 🥳
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VIP November 2021
· on September 6, 2019 at 6:34 PM
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Absolutely— she is lucky you are so understanding too!!
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VIP November 2021
· on September 6, 2019 at 6:35 PM
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💛💛 perfect !!!
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January 2014
Pam · on September 8, 2019 at 1:00 AM
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Please don't use the phrase "trust her to show up" as it makes her sound like a flaky person. Anxiety is a real illness and not something that can be controlled at whim. It'd be like telling someone you can't trust them not to break a leg or have a flare up of some disease. I speak from experience.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on September 8, 2019 at 8:02 AM
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Glad you enjoyed your shower.

for someone whose bestie deals with anxiety as well I can tell you that ensuring that you care about her and encouraging her that you understand and are here for her right now will help tremendously. After you do a mental health check up and allow her to talk if the atmosphere feels comfortable I would bring up the option to be a guest but spin it as Amber said that the option is there because you don’t want to cause her any added stress.
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