Bridesmaid issue

That's a lot going on! If she can't make the time to be your bridesmaid, then don't give her the time of day to be part of your wedding. To keep her on would be a hard pass for me. What exactly would you be worried about her doing if you removed her?

Honestly, if she’s thrown you under the bus, why keep her? If her ex is friends with your fiancé then there could be trouble if they’re both there. I’d remove her (nicely like you’re helping her).

If you were going through a divorce, would you want to help someone else plan their wedding? Give people a little grace. Be a friend first and a bride second.

I would nicely suggest that since she has a lot going on that you would feel terrible adding to her stress by insisting she be a bridesmaid in your wedding. Make it seem like you're sympathetic and that you're doing her a favor by letting her back out gracefully.

What?! Your finances ex?!
Kick her out.
Just be like I see you have a lot going on and I don’t want my wedding being any more added stress.
Plus if she’s going to be throwing you guys under the bus why are you keeping her around?!

Remove her now!

I did it because I HAD to. She left me with no other recourse. I didn’t invite her
either.

It was one of the best decision that I ever made.

Correction: ... best decisions...

Congratulations and 🍀‼️

I can’t figure out why she’s in the wedding to begin with. Are you friends with her, or is she still friends with your fiancé? Either way, I would ask her if she needs to step down because she has a lot on her plate. Maybe if you make it her idea and give her and out, she won’t be spiteful about it.

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This is exactly what I was going to ask. Because I know there is NO WAY I would be having any of FHs exes in my wedding!! That's just crazy!

I mean, if you're friends with her, that makes more sense (sort of). But if she's acted the way you say, I would kick her to the curb and say good riddance!!! Then I'd be kicking myself for ever thinking having her in my bridal party was a good idea to begin with.

But yes, making it about her and her lack of time/energy/enthusiasm as a reason to step down, it will probably be less dramatic.

If her ex husband is important to your fiance, he can be in the wedding party. She does not need to be. She is not likely to be his +1 and she is not someone you want standing next to you to bless your relationship (especially if this person is toxic which it already sounds like she is). I say she's a guest at best (I would probably uninvite her TBH).

Why was she in the wedding to begin with? I can’t figure that out. If you don’t want her there, kindly suggest that she has a lot going on and you understand if she needs to focus on that.

She’s been a friend of mine, and a friend of my fiancé’s for longer. With the divorce (and my fiancé being best friends with her soon to be ex) she’s asked us to pick sides (I’ve known them both the same length of time, with my fiancé knowing her longer than her husband). It’s all very confusing, I know. But we’ve considered them family for quite some time until all of this. Her asking to pick sides, she’s asked us to keep secrets from her husband and asked us to even keep secrets from each other which I can’t stand anymore. Everything is out in the open now, and while my fiancé considers their daughter his niece, she (said bridesmaid) is refusing to let us see her because she feels like we’re taking her husbands side in the divorce. I’m definitely going to ask her to step down...I tried to meet up in person but she bails so my next option is to send an email or text. I’ve had it composed for months I just can’t seem to find the right time to send it. The problem is, is she holds a secret of ours (my fiancé and I) and if she were to retaliate, it would tear MY family apart. It’s not life or death or anything crazy serious, but it’s the only reason I’m hesitant.