Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy April 2022

Bridesmaid Issue

Flag
Hide content

Cassie, on February 25, 2022 at 9:05 AM

I have a bridesmaid that I've only known for a couple years, I thought I knew her well enough but I'm learning I completely misread. Thus far every request I've made for help she's said she's unable to do unless it's done on her terms and schedule. She's also gotten an attitude with my MOH over the...

I have a bridesmaid that I've only known for a couple years, I thought I knew her well enough but I'm learning I completely misread.

Thus far every request I've made for help she's said she's unable to do unless it's done on her terms and schedule.
She's also gotten an attitude with my MOH over the outfits. Essentially I don't care if they match and have expressed that twice, she didn't pay attention and when my MOH said they were going to wear something they already had she got catty and informed my MOH that they couldn't wear something they already had in spite of them telling her I had already approved.
She also objected to one of the things I want the bridal party to do when we enter because she "doesn't want to look bad in the pictures"

For further backstory she was recently a bridesmaid at another friend's wedding a few months the ago and spent a lot of time criticizing and talking badly about them leading up to their wedding and while we were actually sitting at their reception. She acted like everything the bride asked for them to do was an inconvenience. Including the rooftop after-party she had arranged for the bridal party, which personally sounds pretty great to me.
All of that being said I'm getting tired of this behavior we're all in our 30s and this all just feels childish. And I certainly don't want that attitude on my wedding day. I'm a very low drama person and as a result I have a very small group of friends and in normal circumstances don't have any issue cutting people out of my life that cause me stress. Unfortunately she is roommates and pretty close with another of my bridesmaids that I've been friends with for more than 10 years.I'm just trying to consider all possibilities here and get advice. I hate dealing with this sort of drama from "adults". What would you guys do? Go ahead and try to politely cut her out or try to grin and bear it?

Show all

32 Comments

Champion November 2054
Jacks · on February 26, 2022 at 1:43 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Comments to posters happens frequently here, and I simply asked for her interpretation of how that would go. She answered me just after.
- Reply
Super March 2022
Candace · on February 26, 2022 at 9:18 AM
Flag

Hide content
I feel like all the things you mentioned would personally not offend me separately, like not participating due to her schedule, not wanting to do whatever you're asking after the entrance for fear of being embarrassed, or speaking up for herself to your MOH about buying something new for your wedding; however, I could certainly see how all these put together would drive me nuts. And I wouldn't want someone opposing everything and causing a riff. I do agree that all a bridesmaid needs to do is buy a dress and show up on the wedding day. So if you can grin and bear it enough to only accept the minimal participation, you would have to have zero expectations. It's your wedding though and you can certainly tell her you misjudged your relationship.
Just out of curiosity, what are you asking them to do after the reception entrance?
- Reply
Just Said Yes April 2022
Brenna · on February 26, 2022 at 9:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
I have been dealing with nonstop drama from my moh since the day of our engagment party. She feels like all of the other girls dont like her and honestly that has nothing to do with the wedding. None of the other girls say anything about her and they have gone out of their way to help her. I think she is jealous of my other friends but I chose her to be the MOH. Our wedding is in less then 50 days and im to the point I dont even want her to be the MOH anymore. I dont like drama and its been crazy. We just had our bridal shower last week and all of the bridesmaids were together but the moh sat alone in the corner looking miserable. If thats how the wedding day is going to go i dont know what ill do.
- Reply
Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on February 26, 2022 at 10:00 AM
Flag

Hide content
I agree to cut her out is a friend-ending move. However, maybe in your discussion you can give her an option to opt-out. Something like “I’ve heard you several times you’re so stressed with many other things. Would it be easier if you were a guest and not a bridesmaid? I don’t want to stress you out.” If she says no, then maybe you can set ground rules. “Ok, great. I’ve noticed you’ve been complaining a lot (2 EXAMPLES). It really stresses me out when I’m already dealing with a lot. Would you be able to be more supportive (or whatever you need)? I could really use your positive support right now.” And wait for her answer. Work it out from there.
- Reply
Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 27, 2022 at 9:42 AM
Flag

Hide content
Can I ask what you were intending for them to do that she doesn't want to look bad in pictures...? That caught my eye. I think there may be more to the story.
- Reply
Savvy April 2022
Cassie · on February 27, 2022 at 9:57 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
It's literally just for the entire bridal party to enter go to our table and take a shot.
And to be clear this isn't a person who doesn't drink.
I also feel like caring that much about how you look in photos at someone else's wedding is a bit self involved
- Reply
Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 27, 2022 at 10:15 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
It could be she's concerned a photo like that might get around to her employer/prospective employers, unless she has other photos of her drinking. This isn't something I would be comfortable doing or would have asked my bridesmaids to do.

The more I see your replies, the more I'm sympathetic to the BM. People often reply to each other's comments on this forum (and pretty much every forum I've ever been on), that's just how it works. But go ahead and kick her out, it's probably better for both of you.
- Reply
Savvy April 2022
Cassie · on February 27, 2022 at 10:31 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

She works in an industry that in no way discourages drinking. She also did not express that and said she didn't want to make an ugly face in a photo.

And to clarify I very politely asked her to attend as a guest yesterday. She then proceeded to within the hour cry to my other bridesmaid, blatantly lie about what I said to her and then had that other bridesmaid quite literally call to scream at me on the phone and try to force me to put her back in the wedding. A conversation in which this bridesmaid made hateful comments about this being my 2nd wedding.

But if you would like to sympathize with the bridesmaid you can

In regard to the commenter, I understand how forums work, my point was their comment was unproductive and simply aiming to start a fight.
- Reply
Dedicated January 2023
Nicole · on February 27, 2022 at 11:47 AM
Flag

Hide content
Nope! Kick her out! I know she’s your friend but YOU ARE THE BRIDE!
- Reply
VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on February 27, 2022 at 3:40 PM
Flag

Hide content
Hi Cassie is this bothers me alot we asking someone that we care about to share in our special day. And if you are trying your best to please everyone you know that s not going to happen. This why we have to have some control of these decisions. Now what I have read you cant always soft when it comes to putting ppl in the places and letting them know that their behavior is not tolerated amd you know that she she begin catty. Try and pull her aside and ask her what the problem is and if your not satisfied with her behavior cut her. And the other roommate friend see that's she not cooperative at all oh well. Your sanity and its your Wedding but I hope that she can stuck it away and be there for her friend. And stop the childish behavior everything can get better and not have to cut anyone. I have cut ppl out bc of this reason and I don't feel bad
- Reply
VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on February 27, 2022 at 3:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree with you she needs to be cut why have someone there in your wedding party and on your day that is rude and not even trying to help you with anything or participate in anything that she asked she will BE OUT!!
- Reply

Just Said Yes April 2022
Ashley · on February 27, 2022 at 5:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would pull her from the wedding. This day is about you! You most definitely don't need that kind of negativity before or on your wedding day. This is your day to be happy and she sounds like she would make your special day miserable. I hope this helps love and CONGRATULATIONS!
- Reply