Natasha
Beginner September 2020

Bridesmaid Is Ghosting Me

Natasha, on August 7, 2020 at 11:12 PM Posted in Planning 0 15
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One of my bridesmaids is not answering any of my texts, phone calls, or IG messages. I have reached out to her at least six separate times since the last time we spoke.
There are 42 days until I get married. How do I let her know that I need to plan the ceremony, and if she is not going to answer me, she cannot be a part of it. I would still like for her to be there, but she has not even RSVP’d. Should I assume she’s not coming and plan for her not to be there?
I know she already bought the bridesmaid dress though. So weird?! I need advice!

15 Comments

  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I think if she wasn’t planning to be there then she would probably say it otherwise why else did she buy the dress. But I can see your frustration of her not answering though
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    How long has it been since you last spoke?

    • Reply
  • Natasha
    Beginner September 2020
    Natasha ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    It’s been about two months.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Savvy November 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    I would give her a fair chance at responding to you or reaching out on her own .... if you don’t hear from her and she doesn’t RSVP I (personally) would plan my ceremony as if she wasn’t going to be there. Maybe that’s rude, but you can’t read her mind! Did something happen between the two of you? I wonder if she’s okay?
    • Reply
  • Cherie
    Savvy August 2020
    Cherie ·
    • Flag
    I would plan the ceremony with out her. She is not being considerate to you or your day. I just had a bridesmaid tell me yesterday she will not coming it’s so much drama with her it went from not coming the the bachelorette sleepover with us four to I’m not coming to the wedding. She paid for her dress and alterations and she was making my veil. I was so upset because she will not be making my veil either! she is petty and I can’t see out friendship getting past this. It’s my wedding day knowing everything I have been through with my date changing from April to August. Family members passing away one because of COVID. I have learned who my real friends are during all of this. Don’t worry about her because you have so many other things to check off your list Write her off and move on!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Although you have not talked in 2 months, have the other 6 times been phone calls? If not , call her. Texts and emails can be put til later when you get time, then forgotten. But she make just have taken a couple weeks and gone away. Unless things for a party, I have never been contacted before the last month for anything about the rehearsal or RD if there is one. Many , many weddings. And BM don't generally plan out what to do. The couple does, with officiant or music person. Usually the BM hear at a rehearsal or an hour before the wedding. So maybe she does not think she is missing anything bridesmaid at all. What planning do you need her for? She got the dress, and shows for the wedding. Nothing else is important enough to drop her over, just out of touch. Call her.

    • Reply
  • Camisha
    Savvy May 2022
    Camisha ·
    • Flag
    In my opinion, that’s a long time not to answer this close to the wedding. First, I’d make sure she wasn’t sick or something, maybe through a mutual friend. If not, then I’d try to call her a couple more times. The first would be a general “checking in about...” If she doesn’t respond to that call by 30 days ahead of the wedding, that last call would be letting her know that she hasn’t answered my calls/previous texts/etc. and that I love her but am assuming that she won’t be there as a bridesmaid. I’d also let her know to do a general RSVP by xxx date if she plans to attend as a guest. Keeping it generally sweet, but moving on.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    How often do you usually talk? Have you checked in with her non-wedding-related to see if she's doing okay?

    You need to remember that this is crunch time for you, but not for her. As a bridesmaid, your wedding is an event she's participating in in a month and a half. She already has the dress, so she's basically good to go. If there is something specific you need to know from her at this point (e.g. if she wants to get professional hair and/or make-up done), ask her and let her know by when you need the answer. If your RSVP date hasn't passed then she's not wrong for not having RSVPed yet, and with your wedding ~40 days away it probably hasn't. She might also assume that she doesn't actually need to RSVP because her attendance is a foregone conclusion since she's participating in the wedding, so if she misses the RSVP deadline just contact her and explain that you need to know her meal selection or whatever it is that you need to know from her RSVP. Basically, don't worry. Things are strange these days and a lot of people are struggling more than usual and dealing with things because of this pandemic. Reach out to your friend and check on her as a friend, then go from there.

    • Reply
  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Karen ·
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    Well said!

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  • Destiny
    Savvy October 2020
    Destiny ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry. But if she’s a bridesmaid why does she need to RSVP? It should be a given that she’d be there right?
    • Reply
  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    Dinner selection or plus 1 is my guess?
    • Reply
  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    This is excellent advise.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Savvy November 2020
    Megan ·
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    I 100% recommend this advice Smiley laugh Super well said, Vicky! Sometimes friends go silent, not to hurt us, but because they are trying to work through something. So I agree, I think a call about non-wedding-related things would be a good idea. Check if she's okay, ask her how she has been/what is new, etc. The worst that can happen is she doesn't answer your calls or doesn't return your call... but you will kind of have your answer then.. I truly hope everything works out for you and your friend!

    • Reply
  • Niki
    Devoted August 2020
    Niki ·
    • Flag
    How strange! This is really odd, and kinda rude. Do you know anyone that speaks to her often, like her boyfriend or something? If so, maybe you could find out what’s going on. Vendors need numbers/head count so she should tell you ASAP if she’s coming or not. So sorry this is happening!! Best wishes to you!!
    • Reply
  • L
    Expert September 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    Maybe theres something going on in her personal life. I would reach out one final time and say the weddings coming up and you need an answer of whether she will be there or not. Thats not a very hard question to at least answer. Seems like shes planning not to and just doesnt want to confront you, it could be shes not comfortable attending anymore cause of Covid but doesnt want to tell you. If she still doesnt answer, take it as a no. Pretty childish of her to ghost you like that though
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