Bridesmaid is doing all of the moh duties, while moh is sitting on her hands.

I think I would just leave the titles and get your bridesmaid an extra gift or something

Agree with Melle. Wouldn’t want to ruffle feathers this close to the wedding. The small extra gift can be given on the down low. My sister in law who is not even in my bridal party has gone above and beyond with helping with the wedding so I’m giving her a thank you gift, corsage, and a big shoutout in the wedding program.

I would not change the titles as that can cause issues. Sometimes bridesmaids do more than MOH's. My friend and I planned a bit more the wedding festivities than my best friends two MOH's but one was out of state but also that was not apart of their culture. I agree to get her maybe a nicer gift and maybe in private to thank her for all her help.

You can absolutely have two MOHs! This is actually becoming pretty common. And it sounds as though FSIL deserves the title! If I were in your situation, I would definitely promote her to co-MOH. That being said, you do need to remember that there are no requirements or set duties that a MOH is expected to do for a bride, other than purchase the attire the bride picks out and stand with her on her big day. Planning parties, etc. is completely optional. So while it is awesome FSIL is doing these things for you, it wasn’t necessarily required from your aunt either, so I wouldn’t be upset with her. As far as being nervous to plan the bachelorette party... is there a large age gap between the two of you? Perhaps she was afraid she wouldn’t know what is “in” or trendy in terms of bachelorette parties these days. Each generation seems to tweak the rules to these things, so she may have just been nervous about not living up to your expectations of the event. I would definitely cut your aunt some slack. And enjoy having 2 MOHs!!

I agree with Melle on the extra gift idea! Maybe also write her a really nice thank you note to express how grateful you are for all her help and for going above and beyond?

Throwing you parties, making your invitations, etc. is no one's responsibility. It's great that your FSIL offered to do those things for you, but that doesn't make her any better of a MOH than your aunt. Give her a hostess gift, like you should anytime throws you a party, and write her a sincere thank you note. Making her your MOH a month before your wedding because she threw you a party is sure to hurt some feelings.

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Thank you for responding! I thought about getting her a spa day but I just feel like that isnt enough! I wanted to have her standout at the wedding some how.

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Thank you so much for your response

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Thank you Lisa!!!

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Caytlyn, thank you so much for your response. I should have clarified that my aunt had agreed to planning the bach as her one and only task when I asked her to be my MOH a year in advance. We were 4mo out from our agreed bach date and nothing had been planned yet so I was a little disappointed. My SIL came to the rescue!!

I really appreciate your honesty!

Just so you know, The only duty bridesmaids and MOH have is showing up on wedding day in the agreed upon dress. Everything else they choose to do is extra.


That being said, I think it would be fine to have 2 MOHs. I had 2, there were no issues

Having 2 MOH is fine. I did. Usually, brides choose to honor either someone they have known longest ( often relative) or someone current closest to them. There osnothing a MOH does that cannot be done by a BM, or a close friend or family member, like volunteering to plan and host parties, assist with odds and end of .planning or shopping. None are specifically MOH duties. They do not supervise BM, and what they volunteer for depends on their time, money, interest, and basic personality. So never frame in in terms of what the other MOH did not do. Because getting her own dress, showing at the wedding, and often signing your certificate, are all MOH has to do. But to note that you did not really know or spend a lot of time with the other bridesmaid, and since wedding planning started you have closely worked together, and enjoyed time spent together, it is nice to recognize the change in friendship. Not a change due to the deficiencies of one, but in recognition of a growing relationship with the other. That is a positive thing, and something to make clear to the other MOH and all who ask.

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Mrs. Coakley, thank you for your honesty, but I think you missed the point of my post! When my MOH offers to host the bachelorette a year in advance then changes her mind 4mo before the wedding that can be a bit frustrating so I want to honor my SIL for taking that on.

I think having 2 MsOH is fine as long as the dresses are the same as the bridesmaids. At this late date, I think it would be a bigger headache for FSIL if you asked her to move into that position if she needed to get a different dress. Otherwise, I think she'd be happy to be asked!

2 moh's is fine

I think if you want two MOHs it’s no big deal! I almost did that as well!

Acts of service is my love language so I wouldn’t mind “ruffling feathers” if it meant I got to celebrate and show appreciation for someone that stepped up and helped me when it she wasn’t obligated to. In my eyes your aunt has proven she doesn’t care - but I’m pretty black and white though which comes off as harsh and unforgiving


I say make the switch. Make her the MOH. She earned it
If you’re afraid to ruffle feathers though make sure you give her a shout out when you and the FH make your thank you/welcome speeches at the reception and maybe also give her a little gift

View Quoted Comment Well, we are in the midst of a pandemic. Perhaps she was nervous, as you relayed to us, because of that. I wouldn't hold it against her, corona had changed a lot of things. You should've asked her based on your relationship and not what she can do, and if you did, then there isn't anything "not cool" about her "still claiming" it.
Choosing a MOH is exactly that, an honor, not a duty. You ask because you want them beside you as your closest person(s).

I agree with Caytlyn- bring a hostess gift and express your gratitude in a thank you card, note, or letter.

Yeah, I’m not sure where this idea that the MOH HAS to do this and that to be a MOH exactly comes from. I mean, what were your thoughts when you chose her to be your MOH? I certainly didn’t pick my MOH because I knew she’d do this or that. I picked my absolute closest and best friend, who happens to live 8 hours away and so I explicitly told her I wasn’t expecting her to do certain things. I mainly told her this because she had been telling me she didn’t have to be in the wedding she would just come. And unless you had your aunt sign a contract agreeing to certain duties, then you certainly can’t take the title away now. One of my other bridesmaids planned a bachelorette weekend, solely because she wanted me to have one, not because I asked or expected it. My mom hosted our wedding shower, with the help of some family and my bridesmaids. There’s also no rule that you can only have one MOH, but my thought is what’s the point of the Honor title if all the girls are elevated to that? Kinda like if everyone is special then no one is. But I do think you could give your FSIL an extra gift to show your gratitude.

Probably an unpopular opinion here but I'd switch them or cut her...or have two MOH if you don't want to deal with drama. I live in a fairytale lol and I believe your bridal party especially the MOH should be doing any and everything to make you feel special because they love you and hopefully want to.....if not why'd you say yes??? Not sure where the magical wedding rule book comes from BUT if it's such a big thing to pick important people to stand next to you and we go through this whole bridesmaids proposal thing for them then they should be doing things that are helpful to the bride and not just claiming the title or JUST buying the right dress. 🙄 If that's the case then you can just ask one of the cashiers at your local walmart or your mail carrier to be in your wedding. Maybe do a spa day or nice lunch with a sweet letter letting her know just how thankful you are!