bridesmaid in need of help

Tell them that you can't afford the huge financial commitment to be in their wedding party.

Just be honest about the expense. Try not to go into the irritation of your presumption that she's trying to go big, though. She may really just not be thinking about the cost or what she's asking of you all. Some people are more absent minded than others

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Hey, Kerin! Thank you for your advice. I was thinking the same thing. Her and her bridesmaid are probably unaware of the proper ettiequte for this particular situation.

Just let her know that you are unable to attend the shower. There is no written rule that says you must attend the bridal shower just because you are a bridal party member. The fact that you 1- live far away and 2- the current state of our country with Covid and travel restrictions... I'd say you have valid excuses to skip.

Good news, the bride does not get to demand parties. If you decide to graciously host a party for the bride then you decide where and when and how much (as with any party). The bride may only comment on the guest list (who to invite, not how many). As the cost to be part of this wedding is high, I agree with Caytlyn, decline the position and enjoy as a guest.

Oh wow....sounds very selfish. I would just be honest with her, and say hey I definitely want to be a part of your big day and the costs associated with the dress and hair/makeup, but unfortunately I can’t afford to fly out for all three events.

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Hey, Meghan! Thank you for your advice. Would you still give the money for the bridal shower though? I already do not plan on attending the shower and for that reason feel as though I shouldn't be paying.

I would decline the offer to be a bridesmaid in this situation and just attend the wedding as a guest. Just say that you don't have the budget to participate, because she really is asking way too much. Nobody should be demanding specific contributions to bridal showers, and if she is requiring you to have professional hair and makeup done, then it's her obligation to pay for it. Honestly all of this sounds like a mess and I would opt out

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PERIODDDDD HANNA!!!! I feel the exact same way... it sounds SO messy. I definitely agree with you that if she's requesting those things that she should be financially responsible. Her and her maid of honor are definitely asking for the most...

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No, I would not pay the full amount. I would maybe chip in a smaller amount? I personally think the $350-$400 is ridiculous to ask for to begin with. Another option is finding a way to chip in somewhere else during the planning stage (bachelorette party maybe?).

The nano-second I could use the word "demand" to describe something a bride or groom is doing/saying to me after asking me to be in the wedding party, I am automatically, irreversibly out.

I think that'd be a good policy to adopt, especially in this case. Adults earn the right to be in each other's lives (family, friends, significant others, everyone). Family does not equal any kind of obligation.

Side note, as a wedding expert, she's breaking all kinds of hard-and-fast rules.

$350 per person!? That means it would cost u $350 to pay for ur portion of the shower or will it cost 350 per guest? I would come to her and explain the expenses & that its going to be a financial burden. And whose dress are u paying for, thats not fair if shes asking u to buy another dress just for the shower + professional hair & makeup

I'm copying and pasting my response from your other thread:

The nano-second I could use the word "demand" to describe something a bride or groom is doing/saying to me after asking me to be in the wedding party, I am automatically, irreversibly out.

I think that'd be a good policy to adopt, especially in this case. Adults earn the right to be in each other's lives (family, friends, significant others, everyone). Family does not equal any kind of obligation.

Side note, as a wedding expert, she's breaking all kinds of hard-and-fast rules.

Wow I agree that that’s kind of a lot to expect for a shower so I would either say you can’t financially attend or suggest it being done differently

Your cousin is acting like an entitled brat. The bride does not get to dictate the circumstances of her bridal shower. She should also be considerate of budgets when picking dresses, and if she requires professional hair and make up, it is her responsibility to pay for it. I would opt out and attend as a guest cuz she sounds like bridezilla central. Save yourself the stress now.

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To me, these extreme demands for money go beyond not knowing proper etiquette. Just being a nice, considerate person should stop someone from demanding a $4,000 bridal shower and attendance at every pre-wedding party from people who live across the country.

Obviously, you know you can't count on her to be considerate, so you are going to have to stand up for yourself (and your finances) and decide what you will and will not participate in.

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Hi, Monica! It's $350/$400 per bridesmaid to put on the bridal shower, and there's 12 women total in the bridal party. Also, I'm responsible to pay for my bridesmaid dress for the wedding (which I'm totally fine with), but I definitely know I'd have to get a new outfit to wear for the shower as I'm sure the whole bridal party would want to coordinate on an outfit color. Sorry those points weren't made clear enough in my initial post! Professional hair and makeup is only for the wedding, but not for the bridal shower. I'm great at doing my makeup so at least I won't have to worry about paying someone to do it both times, however, I am having to pay for my own professional hair for the wedding from the team she hired.

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Hey, Megan!! LOVE your words of advice!!! "Family does not equal any kind of obligation" really ties this whole situation together LMAO. I definitely don't like the way my cousins fiancé is handling her wedding situation at all. I appreciate you commenting on this discussion as it's helped me to validate my thoughts on the situation. Thank you!!

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Hi, Hannah! Your post had me so dead! My cousins fiancé definitely isn't being considerate of anyones budget AT ALL... and I completely agree that if she is requiring those services she should be responsible for the bill for the WHOLE party; or at least offer to pay for one of the services (hair or makeup). I just need to think of a way to politely inform the bridal party that I won't be giving money towards the shower. Maybe I'll include something about how inconsiderate her and her maid of honor are being in regards to the budget per bridesmaid? Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate it!

Wow that's alot. I would be staright up and tell them the price is too much ...