Bridesmaid, Hurt someones feelings or risk being uncomfortable at my wedding.

I don't think you have to honor a "promise" made in middle school. Pick your nearest and dearest.

I would think that she would understand that she's not apart of your bridal party due to growing apart. I really don't think a promise you made as 12 year olds holds a lot of commitment since the relationship seemed to fizzle. Your BP is about having those you care about most standing next to you on your big day, and she doesn't sound like she fits in that category.

I've told a lot of girls growing up they would be a part of my wedding. None are.

If you don't want her to be your bridesmaid, then the promise you made as children shouldn't apply here. It's what you want now. It sounds like you don't want her to stand with you. Would you be offended if she got married and didn't ask you?

You don't have to have her on your wedding just b/c years ago you said you would. And esp if it would be awkward to be around her with her liking your FH at one point.

Pick the people you will think make your day the best. It sounds like you should pick someone else.

Haha, Melissa---I mean, if we are getting technical, I thought I was going to MARRY my high school boyfriend, but that shit didn't work out either.

@beutivant I mean, I thought I was going to marry Pete Wentz when I was 14. Sometimes things just don't work out...

Did she assume she was going to be a BM because of the promise or is she possibly under the impression you are still as close as you previously were?

No ma'am don't make yourself uncomfortable on your day for a promise made so many years ago. She will be okay.

Blair, I honestly think it's a little of both. She still refers to myself as her best friend even after us growing apart. She has also brought up the fact that we made that promise to each other back in middle school. I am not the type of person to knowingly make a decision that is going to hurt someone and now i'm faced with having to do just that. I've been having this argument with myself for weeks. I don't want to seem selfish by making a decision that going to hurt her feelings but this is the one day in my life that it should be about what I want. I'm just lost on what to do.

Thank you everyone. This is exactly the advice I needed. I know that what small friendship we have left will be lost after telling her this.

I think you kind of answered your own question when you said "choose who I want to have".

You pick those who are the closest to you and it's kind of on her for assuming that even though you had grown apart she would still be a show in for Bridesmaid.

When I was 12 I made a pact with two of my best friends that we would all be bridesmaids in each other's weddings and made a rotation so we all got to be MOH once. I didn't even get invited to one of their weddings, and the other was a very budget wedding and opted to just have her sister as her MOH and no bridesmaids. She's invited to my wedding, but although I love her still, I didn't even consider making her part of my bridal party.

You definitely don't HAVE to sit down with her. Go about your business and when it gets to be close to the wedding and she hasn't been invited dress shopping or told what she needs to wear or been invited to the bachelorette party I think she'll get the idea. If she continues being presumptuous and asks "what do I need to wear?" Or something you can just say "whatever you want! I don't want to dictate what my guests are wearing." But be careful not to talk about any wedding stuff with her, even the small details could lead her on. If she asks questions just try to change the subject. Unless you're bffs it's rude to assume you're in someone else's wedding

Liz- Thank you, I didn't think about it that was, but your right. I guess in my heart of hearts I know what I want, but I can't get past the thought of hurting someone, even if it's due to their own assumption. Gosh, it's just going to be the worst conversation. It's one thing when you realize your not a bridesmaid after the wedding gets close and you still haven't been asked, but i'm going to half to directly tell her shes not.

A promise in junior high made 14 years ago? Oh for Pete's sake. Pick who you want.

Pick who you want & don't feel guilty for it.

Katie- That's very reassuring to hear. I have actually already gotten my dress. So that hurdle has been leaped. Hopefully she will get the picture, but I can't help but feel like I should just sit her down face to face and tell her.

If the friendship is going to be threatened by her not being in your wedding, then its not a great friendship. I have a friend who we were best friends kinder all through high school and then we grew apart. A lot has changed in the 10 years since we graduated. She asked me if she was going to be in the wedding like we talked about when we were kids and I told her I had a bridal party picked. I wasn't invited to her baby shower, but we are still friends. Pick who you want and if shes unhappy with it, thats on her.

Pick who you want