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Just Said Yes May 2022

Bridesmaid help

Megan, on February 22, 2022 at 5:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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I NEED HELP!!! I DONT KnOW IF I Should have My friend as my brides maid!! She has Never Even Met my fiance!!

So originally my fiance and I were going to have a very small very quiet wedding. Pretty much like just a living room wedding. I was only going to have my three little children which are 14 and I have twins that are 12, My dad, his mom, his stepdad, his grandma, his aunt and he was going to have his two very best friends and their wives. When we decided it was quite a big group to do it in the living room we decided to move it to the church. At that point we decided that we were going to have an actual wedding but still keep it fairly simple and small. When I announced to my friends that I was getting married, I had one friend that came over to celebrate with me and then kept asking me who was going to be the maid of honor? I kind of insinuated that if we were going to have an actual wedding party then I would consider her as a bridesmaid. At that point she also decided that she wanted to plan a bachelorette party for me but as time went every time we tried to talk about the plans she kept asking me what we were going to do for My bachelorette party. I told her it was completely up to her, I reminded her that she was the one that made the plans and the arrangements and the first place, but she had not yet made those plans. Instead she has dropped it completely and she not talked to me about it since. Then she started asking about when she would be going to get a bridesmaid dress with me. My fiance and I hadn't really talked about everything just yet and I was starting to feel that I didn't even know if I really wanted her to stand for me. Especially since my fiance has never even met her!! She is One of My Very Best friends but the fact that I have fun with my fiance for 5 years and she has never even met him has been kind of triggering from my fiance...But As plans progressed I asked her if she would be involved and if she would like to come try dresses on? Once again we went back and forth about when, dates, and times. I tried to make accommodations for her, but only she kept ghosting me or she would not be available even though originally she would tell me she was available. I've only got 73 days until my wedding. I have the wedding attire all figured out except for her. I've kind of set it in my head that it's okay Not to have another bridesmaid. Or I should just have somebody that actually knows my fiance. There's no hard feelings against her Our universes aren't aligning right now, But I don't know how to tell her that I'm either going to have somebody that is a mutual friend for My fiance and I or I am not going to have anybody stand for me besides my two daughters and my son. Please help.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on February 23, 2022 at 9:38 PM

Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 22, 2022 at 6:40 PM
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Considering that it has been difficult during the pandemic for people to get together for various reasons, I don’t see this as a reason to cut her off or not pick her since you say she is your best friend. It sounds like you both are on different wavelengths of what defines a friendship, which needs to be addressed first. Is she able to chat via FaceTime or Zoom to meet your fiancé?

Keeping in mind that many women accept the role of bridesmaid while actively disliking the fiancé, which they should decline if they aren’t supportive of the relationship and that is worlds apart from this. Since she is under the assumption that she is a bridesmaid, there is no way to ask her to step down without ending the friendship.
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Just Said Yes May 2022
Megan · on February 22, 2022 at 7:34 PM
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Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply... There is more to it than what I was able to put down. But I have been with this man long before the pandemic... And now it's to the point where my fiance doesn't even want her in the wedding. Because she is been unavailable multiple times and the years that we have tried to get together with her.
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Dedicated April 2023
Ashley · on February 22, 2022 at 10:58 PM
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We're skipping the WP. I wouldn't have made someone who hasn't met my fiancé a bridesmaid/bridesman, including a BFF, but that's just me. While I also think your fiancé is right that " my fiance doesn't even want her in the wedding. Because she is been unavailable multiple times and the years that we have tried to get together with her" , the decision is up to you.
And if you're having someone standing behind you: you don't have to have someone that is "a mutual friend for My fiance and I" , I would say as long as the person met your fiancé at least once before you got engaged, it's definitely fine!
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Just Said Yes May 2022
Megan · on February 22, 2022 at 11:11 PM
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Thank you. I just feel like after the multiple attempts to plan vacations, then she ghost me, then we try to make plans and she would ghost me, then she was going to plan my bachelorette party, then nothing again, and to just "get together" as a Couples or even just she and I and even it's been so difficult. And tho we still chat on the phone, she hasn't been available in person whenever I've "Really" needed her to be. She was really pushy when I first got engaged and kept asking me about being a maid of honor and I said I would definitely want her to be a part of the wedding IF I we were going to go that route, but the fact she hasn't been available since even when I did ask her if she could be..and then she backed out once again when we were supposed to find her a dress...ugh I know life is difficult but I only kinda considered her bc I thought she was going to more available. Then, when She backed out on dress shopping and said she would just order it online. I didn't say anything, yet...I just think my fiance is right and Now...how do I tell her the truth🤷🏼‍♀️
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Dedicated April 2022
Rachel · on February 23, 2022 at 12:20 AM
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Hi there. i don’t know the whole situation but from what you have mentioned, I wouldn’t feel obligated to have her as a bridesmaid. If y’all have been together that long and she never took the time to meet your fiancé, i think that shows that she didn’t make an effort until now. It sounds like she just wanted to be a part of the highlights of planning and then never followed through. I don’t think, especially w covid, it would be unreasonable to tell her you have decided to only have your children stand up with you. If you don’t have a big bridal party, I don’t see it as kicking her out. It’s not like you have four other girls with you and you’re singling her out and telling her she isn’t a bridesmaid anymore. Idk I just feel like if she was your best friend, she would of made an effort to meet this man before the wedding 5 years later. Then again, I don’t know the whole situation or if she is super far away and can’t travel or something. Just my opinion cause you asked
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Dedicated April 2023
Ashley · on February 23, 2022 at 12:38 AM
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In this situation, I would tell her something along the lines of:
"I was sure at the time that the 2 of us were going to spend time together and bond throught the planning , I also thought you would meet my fiance, get to know him a bit but none of these has happened.Sorry if I hurt your feelings but it's not working out. Hope you'll still join us to celebrate."
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Dedicated April 2023
Ashley · on February 23, 2022 at 1:22 AM
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AND this (sorry but I've not finished yet LOL 😀🤭);
" The fact you're never available is an issue. I know you have your own life and it doesn't revolve around my wedding and it's planning but it's an issue because we couldn't do what we were supposed to. I don't wanna hurt your feelings, don't take it personally. I hope and you can still join us, it would mean a lot to me".
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 23, 2022 at 1:55 AM
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Taking the wedding out of the equation, you need to decide if the friendship is something you want to work on keeping or do you feel it’s run its course and don’t care if it ends?
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on February 23, 2022 at 9:38 PM
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So do you want this friendship? If not, I guess go ahead and drop her. If you want to keep the friendship, then dropping her from the wedding party will not be a good friendship move.
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