Bridesmaid help????

Well I had a MOH that I've been best friends with since 2nd grade and we had this big fight bc she has a lot going on and I told her she didn't have to go but I WANTED her there . She's having a lot of family issues so I wanted her to know she is wanted. Well we aren't even friends now so my BM was like "that's crap, well since she's not gonna do anything for you I'm gonna do all this and that for you" so now I just don't know if I should ASK her if she's still planning on being in it or just wait a few weeks. I'd like to know ASAP . It's just weird to me and I'm not sure if it would be inappropriate to straight up ask.

I'm sorry about all of your drama but a bridal party isn't necessary. Maybe kindly message her again to remind her that she needs to order a BM dress by whatever date and if she doesn't get it then she can be a guest. Don't stress too much about other people. If it was a bigger priority to her then she'd make a point to do it.

Well the thing is we haven't decided on corresponding fabrics , etc. so I was going to bring that up to her but at this point.. I'm not sure what to do. Like, I don't want to assume she's going to be in and she won't. Or the other way around. I would just rather know sooner or later

Anyone who has struggled with anxiety or anxiety/depression knows that every day is not the same. She may agree to something one day and be completely freaked out by it the next.

I would let it go and leave the cards in her hand honestly. Pick out dresses with everyone else (or pick out a color and let them pick dresses, which I see a lot now...) and if she doesn't get it, she's a guest. Give her a date when the dresses have to be ordered, and leave it at that.

UO around here, but I don't believe that you should ever make someone in your bridal party wear a specific dress. The "she wears what you want or she's a guest" is insulting.

Anyway, send an email and ask her if she still wants to be in your bridal party, and ask her what she thinks she'd like to wear.

I asked my sister and my cousins budget, I picked the dress knowing they'd be comfortable in it and comfortable buying it when the time comes. You don't have to technically ask her what she wants, just make sure what you pick is something she will be comfortable in. Instead of consulting her first just pick a dress or two and ask her opinion. You need to talk to her. You need to ask her if she's still in the bridal party. You can't just wait around wondering. If she's not into it then move on but atleast you'll know. I'm straightforward with people. I'd ask her.

I wasn't going to force them with a certain dress, just make sure we're all on the same page with color, length , material , and budget . She just changes her mind a lot and I feel like if I straight up ask, she'll just avoid it and ignore my messages to her. I don't see her in person a lot lately either. I'd just like to know sooner than later if she's not into the idea of being a BM any more

Is she not responding to any of your messages or just things about the wedding? Is this different from how she normally interacts with you?

@Ashely she's not responding to anything . Sometimes this is how she is for a few days at a time but it's been a couple weeks now really. I passed by her yesterday in the car and she was clearly trying to avoid me and finally just gave me half a wave (she was trying to pull out somewhere to turn and I was leaving her space to turn since I was backed up at a light and we were bedside each other for like a full two minutes)

I would put the wedding stuff aside for a moment and approach her as friend. Ask how she is doing, acknowledge the recent distance and ask gently what is going on between you, how can it be resolved?

I've tried that. I've tried messaging her about multiple different things. And haven't gotten responses. I just don't know how to help if she isn't even trying to let me know how to or giving me anything to work with

How would you approach this situation if your wedding wasn't coming up? Personally, I would give her some space and let her approach you. You don't need to know asap if she will be in your wedding. When/if she does approach you and thing have been resolved you can tell her what color/fabric you selected.

I would drop all the wedding talk and ask her if she's okay. Tell her you feel that she's been a little distant lately and want to make sure she's doing okay and if not, what can you do to help her? Before she's your bridesmaid, she's your friend and that's what a friend should do if one starts behaving differently. If she says she's fine, take her at her word and ask her if she still wants to be in your wedding. If she says yes, great, tell her a color, length and fabric and let her pick a dress on her time. If she says no, tell her you'll miss her standing with you that day, but you understand and you hope she'll still come to the wedding. Then drop it altogether until you need to tell her where to be and when for the rehearsal, assuming she still wants to be in the wedding.

@Karysa, I have PTSD with severe anxiety and depression stemming from it, along with other chronic illnesses. I can't speak for your friend, but for me, I would love to go out to girls night, love to go dress shopping with my engaged friends, love to be spontaneous and plan fun and exciting things. But a lot of times the disease takes over and makes it impossible. I've been dressed and putting on my jacket when I have been hit with a full blown panic attack, passing out from hyperventilating. I would pay her a visit. Bring her some chocolate (or another treat she loves). Mental illness is awful. I know I feel guilty and ashamed for canceling, then feel like a terrible friend and a terrible person, feel selfish for talking about it and it just goes around and around in a vicious cycle. It sounds like she is going through something more that may be triggering all of these flare ups and most likely she needs a good friend. I have found a lot of success with therapy and medication too, and medical treatment may be something that she needs, though I wouldn't bring that up just yet. These sound like warning signs to me that there are some other issues below the surface. Best of luck and I hope she gets the help she needs.

I definitely agree. I've tried just asking her how everything is and everything. I know a lot of people get the blues, depression, anxiety closer to the holidays as well. So maybe it's that. I tried messaging her again seeing how she's been doing. And I'll wait to approach it until after the holidays in case it's that. Just to bring up details for dresses and go from there

I went through a difficult time last year and I distanced myself from my friends. It wasn't right, I learned through counseling that I can't "go ghost", I need to explain how I'm feeling and lean on friends and family.

Did something happen that she's trying to process?

Sometimes it's hard to get through the anxiety and depression. Just be supportive, and let her know you're there for her.