Bridesmaid help!

I would be direct with this one. It’s kind of hard to try to mend things, but mending only works when both parties want to mend. It never works when the middleman tries to mend themselves.
The best way to handle this is to not beat around the bush. Just be direct and tell her that you’d like her in the wedding but you don’t want the other one there.

I think you should address this before you ask her to be a bridesmaid. Asking her to be a bridesmaid first and then having issues or even a falling out with her over this is an avoidable situation. Maybe wait for her to bring it up again, then have a conversation. Say, "I know you want us to make up, but I don't want to / I'm not ready / etc. I will not be inviting her to the wedding. Please respect this." See how that goes; if she backs off and doesn't bring it up again then just ask her to be a bridesmaid like normal.

“I have no interest in mending fences with W” next time she brings it up. End of story. If she’s pushy about it after that, I wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she accepts your response, I think you can ask her.

I would be honest with her that you'd really like her to be a bridesmaid, but to please stop trying to push you to invite or make up with W because you have no interest.

If she is one of your closest friends, I would ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she continues to bring up W, I would tell her nicely, but bluntly, that W will not be invited and you have no intentions of changing your mind. Your wedding, your guest list. End of story.

I agree with others! I think you should ask her if she is one of your closest friend - but just be very blunt and forward about your stance with your former friend. A wedding isn't a social experiment, you are totally right in only wanting YOUR people there.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Being direct is the only way to handle this one. Let her know you value her friendship and would love for her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, but it comes with the contingency that you do not want to hear W’s name mentioned at all. Just make it clear that you have enough on your plate planning your wedding, and that joyous occasion is what you want to focus on, not on trying to mend relationships with W.

I would straight up tell her that I have no interest in mending things with that other person BEFORE you ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she can't respect that you don't want to be friends with that person again then it would probably be a bad idea to ask her to be in your wedding as I am sure she will continue to push it on you and you don't need all that!

The way to ask any bridesmaid, is not with proposal gifts and things that cloud the issues. It is with a private discussion first of all to see if there are any conflicts. This is one, as much as her being busy on important dates. Present it as a dilemma that is serious to you. On the one hand you would like her at your side. But on the other you have strong feelings that you stay in control of your wedding, without feeling pushed by other people's agenda's. And that brings you to mutual friend. Say that since your broken off friendship, you realize you do not miss her, and do not want any reconciliation. Knowing she is friends with others does not bother you. but the thought that a friend like her might start to try to get them together would bother her, and mess up the bridal party. So, does friend want to be bridesmaid? Is she able to come to wedding day and stand up with you? Can she agree to simply not discuss the mutual friend? BM can be her friend, but you do not want to. Be clear, though nice, about it.