Kate
Just Said Yes June 2021

Bridesmaid help!!

Kate, on November 4, 2019 at 1:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Okay everyone I need your help! I’m only have my two best friends be a part of my wedding party, however my SIL (soon to be) have been getting close and I want her to be a part of my wedding, idk about the “honorary” bridesmaid title... but I do want to ask her to be a part of things and the process but I guess she doesn’t have to wear a matching dress(for me ideal... but I don’t want to hurt her feelings)
how do I ask her to be a part of things ... type of bridesmaid proposal without the title? I’m afraid if I just don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid and don’t address it at all, and still chat about my wedding with her I will be rude. Someone help me! Or let me know if you ran I to this issue. Thanks

11 Comments

  • M
    Savvy October 2021
    Megan ·
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    Why can't you just make her into a bridesmaid? If your wedding date on your Wedding Wire account is correct, your wedding isn't until June 2021. You shouldn't have asked anyone this early to be in your wedding party, as any relationship can change (it's usually recommended to wait until about 9-11 months out from your wedding), but you can definitely just put her in the wedding party. I'm not understanding why you wouldn't want her to be in the same dress/stand up at the altar with you...?

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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    The "honorary bridesmaid" title is kind of a slap in the face to me personally. Just pointing out that they're not an actual bridesmaid. Unless you want to ask her to be a bridesmaids, I would just invite her to dress shop, bridal shower, bachelorette party, stuff like that.
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  • Neeva
    Devoted April 2020
    Neeva Online ·
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    You could have her be an honorary guest as just being sister of the groom. She can wear her own dress and you can have her be included in the processional or entrance as you want. At my sister's wedding, she had me and her groom's brother walk in together but I wasn't wearing what the bridesmaids wore.

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  • Kate
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Kate ·
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    I know. And I would def have her stand with me, but my fiancé has two girl cousins that I’m close with but we only want to have two people on each side. So it’s like if I ask one I have to ask them all... which maybe I will but I was just wondering if anyone else ran into this problem.
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  • Kate
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Kate ·
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    Completely agree and that’s what I’m afraid of
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would just make her a normal bridesmaid or a groomswoman.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey Online ·
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    Could she be an usher or do a reading at the wedding instead? I feel that is better wording than "honorary bridesmaid"

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  • Andrea
    Expert May 2020
    Andrea ·
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    What exactly do you want her role to be? I don’t care for the term “honorary bridesmaid” what does that even mean? She’s not good enough to be an actually bridesmaid but she’s more important than just a guest? I think I see what your intention is, but I think being asked to be an honorary bridesmaid would feel like a slap in the face. Either ask her to be a bridesmaid or don’t.
    What does your fiancé think? I was a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding and if she would’ve asked me to be an “honorary bridesmaid” I would’ve been really offended. And my brother would’ve known that I wouldn’t like that. So maybe talk to your fiancé and see what his take is. And keep in mind she’s in your life forever, my brothers wife is now my maid of honor! So relationships can build and change real quick
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  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·
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    Ok, my first thought is that it's WAY early to be asking your bridal party. Things change, relationships change, and you have no idea where you're going to be with all the ladies you mentioned, two years from now. So, maybe think about this a bit longer.

    My next thought is, why not just have her as a bridesmaid, if you want her to be part of the wedding? There's no rule that you have to have a certain number, or that you have to have even numbers. I know you said you and FH only wanted two per side, but this goes back to my earlier statement--you have plenty of time to decide this.

    Next, you made a comment that I just don't understand. You said you can't discuss your wedding with FSIL unless you make her a bridesmaid without being rude. I totally disagree. Are you only going to discuss your wedding with your bridesmaids and nobody else? Are you going to make everyone you know a bridesmaid? That just doesn't make sense. You can discuss your wedding with whoever you want, or with nobody, if that's how you want it. Just because you talk with someone, and even ask for their advice or opinion, doesn't mean you are obligated to have them as part of your wedding party. Most future siblings-in-law don't automatically expect to have a role in the wedding of their sibling. She might be hoping to be included in your wedding party, but you can still talk to her about the wedding without making her a bridesmaid.

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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    A lot of families believe that all siblings should be in the bridal party so I would definitely ask her to be a bridesmaid. It's best not to conform to a certain number of people on each side. It's silly to leave an important person out just because of numbers

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz Online ·
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    I would just go ahead and ask if she wants to be a bridesmaid. The honorary part might be a bit offensive and make her feel like she wasn't good enough to be a "real" one!

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