Bridesmaid Had To Ditch

Is it possible she just didn't realize she wouldn't be able to take time off? It's 100% okay for you to be sad about this, but I would try to remember that this friend clearly wanted to be there for you and life circumstances just aren't allowing her to be.

Accept her decision and be supportive of her. Your feelings are valid. At the same time, she is not required or obligated as a bridesmaid to attend pre-wedding parties/events. The only requirement she has is to buy a dress and show up at the wedding to support you.

You can be disappointed, of course, as anyone would be if a close friend couldn’t be at their wedding, but I’m not sure what you’re asking. How to deal with logistics? There’s nothing you can or should do. Sides don’t have to be even so that’s not an issue. She was never obligated to host parties if that’s your main concern, no one is. How to handle your feelings? Remind yourself that she’s just as much of a friend and this too will pass.

I'm sorry she can't make it! I'm sure she's sad about it too.

I would try and keep in mind that this is a wedding invitation, not a subpoena, and she has a right to decline and an obligation to her own commitments.

Part of the problem with asking a wedding party really early is that complications and life changes do happen, and not everyone can predict things.

View Quoted Comment Her friend can't attend the wedding either.


OP, I'm sorry your good friend can't be there to celebrate with you. And while it still stings, her non- participation doesn't mean she's not happy for you.

View Quoted Comment Yes it was more how to deal with the feelings

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Do you have evidence that she knew all about this conflict when she agreed to be in your wedding months ago or that she didn't have every confidence she would be able to work things out? If not, then I don't think it's fair to assume she wasn't being transparent.

View Quoted Comment It’s something she’s been planning for almost a year going to this school, she just didn’t know exact start date and how strict it was she couldn’t miss. She said shes sorry she didn’t tell me sooner when she was applying for that start date, etc

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I don't think it would have occurred to most people to think they needed to give you a heads up on possible start dates of a school program. It sounds very credible to me that she had no idea how strict things would be until she got there. I'm sure she's truly sorry that she can't attend, but I would not look at it as if she was trying to hide anything or avoid being up front with you.

View Quoted Comment I definitely don’t think that, i’ve just never heard of bridal party members not being able to go so i’m asking people if they have been through this how to process it and make it all still feel okay when it doesn’t right now because she’s missing something so special that i want her at

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Really? It happens plenty, especially these days. Just think about all the brides whose weddings were postponed or downsized by Covid. People get sick last minute or have an accident, they need surgery, a family member has an emergency, there's a flight delay or cancellation, the friend gets a job transfer far away, or loses a job and can no longer afford the expense, childcare arrangements fall through, the list goes on. The more experience you have In life the more you realize "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." This won't be the first or last time in life you'll have to adjust to something you didn't anticipate. In the scheme of things, this Is disappointing, of course, but minor.

View Quoted Comment I guess you’re right, i just am having a hard time thinking it’s going to be so special without someone so close there, but i’m sure it will pass.

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I know it will.