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Bridesmaid Guest

Amanda, on April 14, 2023 at 10:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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Hi! So I am a bridesmaid in my good college friend’s wedding. I have also been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years (2.5 at the time of the wedding), and she has met him. She has never indicated that he was not invited in any conversation we have had over the course of her engagement, but when I received the save the date his name was not on it. I went onto the website to just RSVP early and neither his name nor “guest” was on there either. I really don’t want to be pushy, but given that this is a good friend of mine, I am a bridesmaid, and I am in a long-term/serious relationship I had just assumed my boyfriend was invited and was pretty shocked to not see a name or a guest under my party. I am willing to think it could just be an oversight, but am wondering if this is something to bring up and if so, how?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Whitney, on April 30, 2023 at 10:51 AM

Super September 2023
Kimberly · on April 14, 2023 at 10:57 AM
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I would definitely bring it up with your friend because you’re both in a committed relationship and a member of the bridal party, both of which warrant you getting a guest or plus one. I would just say what you’ve said here (hey, I went on the website just to get my RSVP in early, and I noticed that it didn’t include (boyfriend’s name). I just wanted to check in to make sure that he’s invited.) Then if she says no, I would push back a little and remind her that you’re in a committed relationship and would really like to celebrate her relationship with him. If she’s not budging, that’s when you’ll have to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you. It’s honestly very rude that she didn’t include him.
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Super December 2022
LM · on April 14, 2023 at 12:56 PM
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Agree with Kimberly. Your partner should have been listed. Some couples use "no ring, no bring" guideline, but that's now old- fashioned, offensive, and frankly cheap. Not every committed relationship aims to be on the marriage track. Should she bring this up, remind her, hers isn't the only valid relationship just because hers is legally binding. Good luck.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on April 14, 2023 at 4:47 PM
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I would double check. If he isn't invited, that a huge etiquette faux pas. She doesn't get to have you celebrate her relationship while simultaneously disrespecting yours. If he indeed isn't invited, I'd rethink the entire involvement in this wedding.
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CM · on April 14, 2023 at 5:01 PM
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While he definitely should have been invited, ultimately they are in charge of the guest list. You can check to see if he was meant to be included but if not I disagree that it would be proper to push back. Your only recourse is to step down and send regrets or go without him. As rude as it is, it’s also rude to lecture her for the faux pas.

Not very long ago it was only obligatory to include partners of those who are married, engaged, or living together.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on April 20, 2023 at 6:57 PM
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You are a social unit and your significant other should have been invited by name regardless if they met him or not. He is not a random stranger plus one you just met off the street yesterday. It’s disrespectful to anyone for the couple to say “come celebrate our relationship while we don’t acknowledge yours”. Confirm with the couple that he is invited. If he isn’t, decline the position and don’t attend.
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Dedicated June 2022
Whitney · on April 30, 2023 at 10:51 AM
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You should ask. It would have been a faux pas for her not to invite him because, as a serious couple, you are a social unit. That said, if the slight was intentional, I probably wouldn't push it. Yes, she was rude, but some people don't know better.
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