Bridesmaid For a bride with no etiquette

I’m a little confused. If the budget range she gave you was $150-$200, why was the dress $300? Also, unless she’s requiring that you get your hair and makeup done, she didn’t do anything wrong by asking for you to all let her know if you can afford it.

Wow. I would have spoken up since she went over the range she provided and just for the fact that she wants you to wear heavy material with long sleeves outdoors in June! Sounds like she's more worried about looks than your comfort.

Is she requiring you to have your hair and makeup done? If she is, she should 100% pay for it.

Sorry she's being inconsiderate to your budgets.

If the dress was over your budget you should have let her know that when she presented it, as well as the concerns about the sleeves, etc. Just let her know you'll take care of your own HMUA. She's a little blunt in the way she is handling things but if nobody speaks up she probably just assumes it's fine with all of you.

View Quoted Comment I don’t know. I would like to know that answer myself. I think what happened was she had set aside five dresses for us to try on only to realize she didn’t like them and then the sales ladies gave her another option she preferred more. I think the way she asked was condescending. She could have said “if you would like to get your hair and makeup done with me, let me know and I’ll book you an appointment” versus “let me know if you can afford it”

View Quoted Comment She hasn’t explained what she wants us to do for hair and makeup but wants us to have floral accents in our hair. Whether that will be a pinned flower, flower crown, or flowers braided into our hair is beyond me

View Quoted Comment Everyone just kept saying how beautiful it was even though we said the dress was pretty heavy and we would be hot. She just assumed it would be fine.

No one can make you spend money. It was up to you to speak up and say "That's more than I want to spend."

If someone handed me a dress that was outside of my budget, I would hand it back without putting it on, and say “sorry but the price doesn’t work for me. Let’s look some more”. Did no one notice the price?

She could have been less blunt about the hair and makeup thing, but she’s not breaking etiquette by doing that as long as she isn’t requiring it.

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Yep and you should have pointed out it was $100 over the amount agreed upon. I'm sure the other BMs would have appreciated someone speaking up.

I think if it continues you should just let her know it’s too much. I think she’s innocent in knowing that until it’s brought up. I know it sucks bc you don’t want to “be the one” who says it but someone’s got to

View Quoted Comment No one noticed the price until after she had said it was the one. I was changing out of the dress while they were discussing how much it was

Well it is their wedding. When I attend someone else's wedding, I don't think about how the couple's decisions make ME feel.
I do understand about how expensive it can be, maybe just have a heart to heart with her.

I don't quite understand "The dress range cost she gave us was $150-$200." If none of you wanted to spend that much, why didn't anyone say anything? If the saleswoman gave her another option that was even more, why didn't you or any of the other BMs say that you don't want to spend that much on a dress and that none of you are comfortable in long sleeves?

As for the H&MU, yes, I agree that's a weird way to convey the message but if she's not requiring it, what's the big deal?

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Sorry for beating a dead horse, but you all had to know how much it was before putting a deposit down.

I am almost in the same situation with my FSIL, only she didn't bother to even ask anyone their budget. We paid ($200) for the BM dress my FSIL chose. I won't tell you that you should've spoken up in the moment, because I personally did not. I now regret it, but it's extremely awkward and embarrassing to have to bring up your finances in front of a bunch of people (some you may not even know) and decline wearing or purchasing a dress because of cost.

In my case, they would not place the order unless everyone put at least 60% down that day, and only 1 person wasn't able to put down the whole amount, so it seemed like the two of us were the only ones concerned with cost in the moment. Mine went on a credit card because I just didn't want to deal with it at the time.

Did you purchase the $300 gown yet? If she said that dress was "the one," and you didn't have to purchase it that day, I would definitely have a private conversation with your FSIL about how it's out of your budget and if she's unwilling to work with your budget, that you'll have to step down. If you paid for it, I think your stuck with it - but don't let this happen again. If she's expecting too much financially, you'll need to call her out on her extravagant expectations, as it will likely happen again with upcoming festivities.

She cares more about how everything looks than your comfort and budget.

If she’s requiring you to have your hair a certain way, flowers, pinned, whatever, she needs to pay for it. If you can do whatever you want to your hair and stick a flower in and that’s acceptable, then do it. She didn’t demand money for hair and makeup, she gave you the option, she did nothing wrong.

When you tried on the dresses, someone should have said, “this is much too heavy for an outdoor June wedding, we are going to be so uncomfortable.” If she assumed it was fine, it’s only because everyone told her it was beautiful and they’d be fine in long sleeves. She’s not a mind reader. If someone tells me they’re fine, I’m not going to worry about them being dishonest with me.

Regardless of not not knowing the dress price until after you were all out of them, when the sales lady said the price, someone...anyone...everyone... should have said, “oh my! That’s out of the budget we agreed on. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize. Can we please look at a few more?” I wouldn’t care if I said that in front of everyone, especially if we all agreeed on a budget. Not saying anything and just paying for it implied to the bride that everyone was okay with the higher price. She’s probably oblivious you’re upset considering no one said anything.

I really don’t think she’s breaking any etiquette rules here. It sounds like there’s a lack of communication on the BMs part.

I’ve been in 6 weddings and never once was asked a budget- i’ve been blunt enough to provide it for people however bc well- i just won’t spend that much on a dress. for my wedding i didn’t ask for budgets but i allowed the girls to pick their own from 2 reasonably priced places. i think she just got excited and liked the dresses & figured someone would’ve said something if it was too much, i expect adults to speak up for themselves & she probably was just excited. for the hair & makeup- is it really that serious for her to have said it that way? could she just be blunt & trying to be considerate & not meaning to come across rude? idk- i’m pointing these things out there just in case. also if it was via text or email things are often misconstrued so i’d take that into account too.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for understanding. It’s incredibly embarrassing to bring up financial concerns in front of others. Everyone was “fine” with it and I didn’t want to be that person to say I couldn’t afford it. I paid for it on my credit card but I think I will skip the makeup and hair.

I have been a bridesmaid 10 times. I have had to wear the most awful dresses and the some over the top expensive ($380) ones. Now that I am a bride I have literally taken lessons learned from every wedding I have been in to make it easy on my bridesmaids (3 of which I have been in their wedding). There dresses are $130 or less. They got to choose the style from azazie.com as long it was the color, length, and fabric I picked. I am on tight budget so I told them hair and makeup was an option for them, but if they wanted their makeup done that I would pay half of that, but their hair is all them to pay for but not a requirement. I think so brides get to focused on "it's my day" and forget how much they are asking of their girls. I want my bridesmaid to enjoy "my day" just as much as I am so if I make them miserable that won't happen. I am sorry you are going through this, but maybe if you talk to her she will be more understanding.