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May 2021

Bridesmaid Etiquette

Ashley, on January 17, 2023 at 1:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hello all, so I need some advice. I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up and they have asked all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen to prepare a raffle basket ($100 value) for a Jack and Jill. I have agreed to prepare that, but the day after Christmas, the mothers and maid of honor have now asked us to send another $100 to a Venmo account to pay for the Jack and Jill venue. My fellow bridesmaid and I have communicated to the maid of honor that we unfortunately cannot contribute more because we still have to pay for our dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, gift, etc. but she has ignored us continuously. The bride does not want to be involved in planning, so we are unsure if we should talk to her or just let it lie. What are your thoughts? TIA!

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Leah, on January 20, 2023 at 10:17 AM

Legend July 2022
Lisa · on January 17, 2023 at 1:54 PM
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I would not send money for something that you didn't agree to help pay for. Since you already expressed to the MOH that you are unable to financially contribute more than you already have agreed to, I don't think you need to say anything else. If they reach out to you again to request the money, repeat what you have already told them. I would avoid discussing this with the bride. If you want to, you could offer to help in other ways that do not include financing the party (such as, showing up early to help decorate, planning a few party games, collecting RSVPs for the party, etc), but that's certainly not required.
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Expert October 2018
Janet · on January 17, 2023 at 3:21 PM
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I agree with Lisa. You are not an atm. The only time I would get the bride involved is if they do not leave you alone and start to harass you. If you didn't agree to pay for it, don't. That does not make you a bad or unworthy friend.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 17, 2023 at 3:25 PM
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Oh helllllll no. Just say "no that won't be possible". Don't apologize or explain. This MOH doesn't have the right to spend your money. Also? You're really only responsible for your dress expense.
I would try to leave the bride out of it, but you may need to be clear about what you're budgeting for in terms of expense overall for this wedding.
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Master October 2023
Michael · on January 17, 2023 at 3:48 PM
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Certainly if the plans were not coordinated with the you and the others beforehand, you are not at all obligated to contribute more money to this. Also, the event should be hosted by the person wanting to set this up. That would include venue costs.
I'm thinking also the requests to be part of the bridal party should include an explanation of the anticipated expenses.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on January 17, 2023 at 6:28 PM
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Agree with Lisa and Janet. If they keep asking, just say “I will not be able to” and only go to the bride if they begin to harass you.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on January 17, 2023 at 6:34 PM
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Agree with this. The only expense you are responsible for is your dress and hair/makeup if the bride is not paying. Plus your own transportation and lodging on the wedding day. But you are not responsible for paying for parties because the hosts are unwilling.
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Dedicated September 2023
Anna · on January 18, 2023 at 4:01 PM
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I agree with all the above statements. When it comes down to it, this is their wedding, and they are responsible for financing it. It is not fair or acceptable to request that much money from your bridal party when that was never agreed upon. I’m uncomfortable with the first $100, but I get every circumstance is different. But all that on top of the dress, shoes, Bachlorette party, etc? 👎👎
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Just Said Yes June 2023
Adriane · on January 19, 2023 at 4:46 PM
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If it was me as a bride I would just want you to be a part of my celebration not to make a burden on you doing it. I would want to know
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Just Said Yes October 2022
Leah · on January 20, 2023 at 10:17 AM
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Oh no, that sounds like a tough situation. It's understandable that you and your fellow bridesmaids are feeling the financial pressure of being in a wedding, especially with the added expense of the Venmo request. It's important to communicate your concerns to the maid of honor and let her know that you are unable to contribute more at this time. If she continues to ignore your messages, it may be worth reaching out to the bride to see if she can help mediate the situation. Remember, it's okay to speak up for yourself and your finances. The most important thing is to be honest and open about your limitations. Best of luck!
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