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Tone
Devoted July 2021

Bridesmaid etiquette

Tone, on January 29, 2021 at 9:33 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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Okay so I’m getting married July 1st and I have a childhood friend, lets call her M, we don’t talk much but we’ve been friends for a very long time so I asked her to be my bridesmaid. Now M has always had a poor taste in men but recently her boyfriend asked if he could leave his car at her house while he stayed with his mom for a while. She allowed it and the police showed up and charged her with possession of a stolen vehicle and possession of heroin (which was in the car). No one has the money to bail her out outright and the bail bondsmen want nothing to do with it because these are felony charges in her state.

Now my question is, do I proceed without her? Do I continue to plan the wedding assuming she won’t be there? The trials are backed up because of covid and I was told that if they are collecting evidence that it could take 4-12months before her trial. Is it rude to remove her from the wedding? especially when I can’t contact her to let her know? She hasn’t paid for anything, I bought her dress and accessories, so there’s no loss of money on her end. What is the etiquette for this????

10 Comments

Latest activity by Maggie, on January 29, 2021 at 12:55 PM
  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Oh gosh that's a tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry that you and her are having to go through this!

    If no one has the money to bail her out, then unfortunately you have to just keep planning and prepare for her not to be there. It sounds like there's so many maybe's and what if's, that it would be difficult to try and plan as if she will still be in attendance. You don't necessarily have to 'remove' her from the wedding, but just plan for the possibility that she won't be there. Is there anyway you can return the dress and accessories you bought in case she ends up not being able to attend??

    I don't have much knowledge on this type of situation, so I can only give you my honest opinion.

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  • Tone
    Devoted July 2021
    Tone ·
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    I can’t return the dress or accessories but they weren’t outrageously expensive and I’m willing to just eat the cost on them, I just didn’t know how to move forward on this without stepping on anyones toes
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I wouldn't remove her, but plan for her to possibly not be there
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I gotcha. Just plan on her not attending, and keep her dress and accessories to the side in case she is able to attend. This is something that is out of your control, and you need to keep planning, even if it means she may not be there.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree with pps that if things really happened the way you believe they did, this poor woman is in a terrible position.... I don't think there is any reason to "remove" her, just move forward with the understanding that she may not be able to attend/participate. She's in an awful situation, so I'd just try to be supportive any way you can be.... Yikes! Hopefully, her lawyer can help get her out of this mess.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Oh my. This is awful!

    I wouldn't remove her just yet. Between now and July they might drop the charges or reduce her bond depending on how the investigation goes. As others have stated, I would plan as if she might not be there, but by chance she is, she still has a place.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    I wouldn't have asked her in the first place because you aren't currently close. But play it by ear and see what happens. Assume she won't be there.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree with this.
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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    Agree with the others, plan as if she will be there, but be prepared to not have her there!
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    These are my thoughts, too. You have nothing to lose by NOT removing her. And she definitely has more important things to think about than your wedding right now. That is terrible to think of someone being stuck in jail awaiting trial for 4-12 months for this offense. Smiley sad

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