Bridesmaid Ethics

I’d pick my family in this case because it doesn’t sound like you’re super close. If it was a closer friend then it’d be a different story but in this case I’d just tell the friend the situation and unfortunately you have to back out. I’d also make sure to send her a nice gift. She likely will be upset but overall I think she’ll understand.

I feel like this is a no brainer. You are not close to your friend and realistically will probably lose touch with one day, while the other is family - especially since your family is going.

I am not sure how far away your friend’s Wedding is, but at the very least, you can say you are not able to attend the wedding, but can still help out with anything she needs. This is if you want to salvage the friendship. Or you can drop out. With the wedding date so far in advance, dropping out is not a big deal to where things will be ruined. However, it can end the friendship depending on the type of person she is.

I think if you explain the situation to her, she should understand that you have to go to the other wedding.

Sounds like you want to be at the families wedding so go there. She has plenty of notice. Also if you just feel like you cannot drop out of the wedding you could tell her that your partners brothers wedding is the same day and that you will just be there for the ceremony and then be leaving to go to the brothers wedding and let her decide if she wants you to stay in the wedding party or not.

Talk to her. Are the weddings close, geographically? Are they at the same time? If at all possible, I’d personally try to do a bit of both — honoring my commitment , being part of friend’s wedding and though pictures and ceremony and important stuff (if she still wants that if you tell her you can’t come to the whole thing— id do my best to respect her feelings here) and then joining the family wedding after— family IS important, but so are commitments.
Of course this only works if they’re near eachother. But if they are , have a talk with both about timeline to try to figure out how you can make it work.

I think she does have plenty of time to find a new BM, and I totally understand choosing family over this friend that you aren't really close to. She may understand you dropping out under this unique circumstance, but if she has hurt feelings, that is completely justified also. She could potentially end the friendship, but if you aren't that close with her, maybe it is not that big of a deal.

Just be honest with your friend. Let her know that you are devastated to of had to make this decision, but ultimately you feel more obligated to your FBIL's wedding. She should be understanding. If she isn't, then that is on her...you said you don't see her often anyways.

I would pick family in this instance. I feel like you should just politely explain the situation and with this much time out, it is more than enough notice. If you were my bridesmaid I would totally understand.

You have plenttttty of time before your friends wedding, you are not leaving her in a bind & its better to back out now before you become too involved in any of her planning - just explain to her the situation and that as much as you were honored to be asked you need to relinquish your commitment.

This does sound so sticky!

it sucks but it sounds like the family wedding is where you should be at

I would talk to her and maybe make it a point to attend the shower and bachelorette party if she's having them so you still get a chance to celebrate with her. I hope she can be understanding under the circumstance and it's not like you're dropping out last minute.

Definitely talk to her and let her know your decision sooner rather than later! You're giving her plenty of time, I'm sure she'd understand. Family is family, and your opening sentence makes it sound like you and your friend aren't even that close to begin with if you were surprised she asked you to be in her wedding. I'd say follow your heart with this one!

Well you said that you're not extremely close with the friend that asked you to be a bridesmaid... if you don't picture yourself getting closer and STAYING close for many years with this girl then you should definitely drop out of the wedding party and attend your partner's brother's wedding or else you'll always regret it.

Blood (our your partner's blood) is thicker than water any day.

You're not even close with this friend... and since it's in March of 2020... backing out won't be too painful. There's still time for her to ask someone else and they have plenty of time to get a dress.

I don't think you should worry too much about it, but I'd drop out sooner than later, of course. It's eight-plus months before your friend's wedding, so likely she can replace you without it causing too much stress! If you've already been included on planning events, gotten the dresses, etc. it might be harder. At a certain point, dropping out because of a conflict seems more like flaking, and I get the feeling you're having a hard time because you don't want to do that and possibly jeopardize the friendship.

There is a reason that most etiquette books not by the wedding industry, and people already married, say never to announce ( or ask a bridal party until 9 months or less. There are too many things that can change and whether it be a family wedding, moving, job changes with no time off, or pregnancies or scheduled surgery, people who get excited and ask BM way to early usually lose a BM or 2. Just appologize, but family takes precedence over someone you are not caring about enough to really matter to you. Sorry it upsets her plans, but as you said, she has plenty of time. There is never anything a BM needs to do before 5 months out. And you are giving 8 months notice. Just about the right time to ask a bridesmaid to begin with.

Go with the family. I would definitely explain fully why and she should understand at least somewhat. Chances are likely that you would regret missing the family wedding a lot more than you will feel guilty for backing out of the other wedding.

You also said that you only see each other 3-4 times a year so it sounds like you guys arent that close anyway so it should be even easier for her to understand.

You are fine, your friend will make other plans. Tell her sooner than later, it is way enough advance that she'll understand. Just don't sit on it for a few months. Tell her you took the week to think about it and you're so sorry but family comes first and you have to be at this other wedding. Tell her you love and support her and would still love to help out in any way if she's a very DIY kind of gal, and you and your partner would like to take them out to dinner after things have settled down after their wedding and you want to hear all about it

Apologize and go to your families wedding do it sooner rather than later.