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Savvy May 2021

Bridesmaid Dropped

Kaelyn, on November 11, 2020 at 5:41 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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I had a bridesmaid that dropped out of the wedding. She unexpectedly became pregnant and they officially confirmed her due date... 3 days before my wedding. I am very excited for her and of course bummed she will not be in the wedding party.


I have two questions.. I have been struggling with:1. Should I add another bridesmaid to keep the sides even or would someone take offense to being added later in the process?
2. She keeps telling me she wants to come and bring her baby. I told her we could talk about it closer to the date. I don’t want her to bring a newborn and potentially be exposed to any illnesses especially with COVID19. She is one of my absolute best friends and doesn’t want to miss the wedding for anything. Any ideas on how to include her without exposing her newborn?
Please do not bash her choices, just looking for some opinions/ideas!


16 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on November 19, 2020 at 9:32 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    1.) replacing one of your closest friends is hurtful to both the original bridesmaid and the runner up
    2.) this isn’t your responsibility. There’s not much you can do to protect a newborn except keep them away from people, which she clearly doesn’t want to do


    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't ask someone else just for the sake of even sides. It's fine to have uneven sides. It's highly likely that the person being asked feels like they are second rate. Also, maybe she can attend virtually by Facetime or Zoom or something. Also, your wedding is a while away so there is still definitely time to figure out how she can be included. At the end of the day, her child's safety is her responsibility, and she (and the baby's father if he's involved) are the ones who make the decisions for that child's safety.
    • Reply
  • Biaani
    Devoted May 2021
    Biaani ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't add someone just to even out sides. I have an uneven bridal party and I don't think it'll matter at all. Also I understand her wanting to attend, seems you guys are super close. But I'm pretty sure when the time comes she'll feel different about it lol Maybe talk to her about how special she is to you and that you'd appreciate if she joined virtually that way you'd be at peace knowing her and her baby are healthy.

    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    1. It is rather hurtful to the bridesmaid that dropped out that she is so easily replaced and it is also hurtful to the person replacing her because that person would obviously know they are just a back up and weren't good enough to be in the first place. I would stick with uneven sides.

    2. If she wants to risk her baby's health that is up to her. I am currently pregnant and we have two weddings we are supposed to be attending next year. One is across the country and my husband is a groomsman in. It is likely that he will attend that wedding himself. The other is a few hours from our house and one of my closest friend's wedding so I really don't want to miss. I will probably ask my mom to watch the baby. I don't really want the baby around a bunch of strange especially with Covid. I also don't want our newborn around really loud music and an open bar.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    It’s not mandatory that the sides are even. It’s totally up to you if you want to add another bridesmaid. I’ve seen a groomsmen walk with 2 bridesmaids & have seen a bridesmaid walk alone. It’s really up to your vision.
    As far as your friend, you really need to sit her down. Explain that the newborn comes 1st & that means making sacrifices. I can understand why she feels so strongly on going but not with a newborn. There’s zoom, FaceTime etc.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    I dont think you should replace her bridesmaid position. If she wants to bring her baby then there's nothing you can do.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Yes there is - she does not invite the baby. Mothers do not automatically get to bring babies or and child. Usually I advocate for young babies to come with mom, but a near newborn should not be at a big gathering, unless covid gone by next May. As a host, one does nothing to compromise serious health and safety issues. This is not a discretionary, let the parent decide issue. It is potentially too serious for a baby with no immunity from mom, at under a week or so old. And I seriously doubt a mom under 2 weeks from giving birth will want to party. Bridesmaid is likely asserting she will still come because reality has not set in yet.
    • Reply
  • B
    Super July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you should replace her. Uneven sides aren't a big deal (we had a Jr. GM, but no Jr. BM, it was fine).

    I really think she'll change her mind, but even if she doesn't she may have restrictions that keep her from coming, or she just may not be up to it. Is this her first baby? She may not realize just how much giving birth is going to affect her body and how much having a baby is going to affect her life. In the end though, this one is her call. (Even if she comes, I would fully expect her to have to leave before the party gets started.) Also, babies don't necessarily come on their due dates - so she may still be pregnant.

    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I think it's crazy to want a fresh newborn around people. Even before Covid when I had my son I made sure to keep him from people at first so I definitely wouldn't do it during Covid. Not bashing her but she definitely should rethink that because their little immune systems can't handle things at that age.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    VIP December 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    I agree with some many PP's on this one!!

    1. Replace her, she will understand.

    2. Coming from a mom of two, the LAST thing most post-partum women want to do is slip into a dress, shoes, make up and a BRA and go to a wedding with their newborn in tow. If she is due 3 days prior to your wedding she would literally be one day out of the hospital. I wouldn't worry about her coming unless she goes very early, trust me...post-partum is a insert BAD WORD here.

    • Reply
  • Meaghan
    Savvy July 2021
    Meaghan ·
    • Flag

    The chance of her being physically able to attend a wedding on that date is nearly impossible so just humor her - I assume this is her first child. IF she actually gave birth on her due date she will barely be out of the hospital - the last thing she will want to do is get dresssed! More likely she will either be in labor or lumvering around way too pregant to care about anything. Just keep reassuring her its her choice so when she realizes she cant make it, she doesnt feel bad.

    • Reply
  • Annika
    Expert November 2020
    Annika ·
    • Flag

    You should not replace her, uneven bridal parties are common and normal (just not on instagram lmao)

    It is up to her on whether or not she still attends HOWEVER...If I was her, I don't think I'd be able to even get out of bed 3 days after birth, forget going to a wedding, especially with a 3 DAY OLD newborn!! Personally, I think she just feels terrible for missing it and I think she will come to her senses closer to the date. I really hope that she wouldn't be that irresponsible with her child.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    Do not replace her.


    No parent takes their child during the first month due to their lack of immunity. Offer to pay for a sitter.
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag

    Do not replace her, no one wants to be second choice Uneven sides are the norm (I had uneven numbers!) and just go forth!!! Beast wishes!

    • Reply
  • Ty
    Devoted July 2021
    Ty ·
    • Flag
    Hi! Smiley smile


    I love that she wants to be there for you, but if the baby is under two weeks that’ll be too soon for both of them to be out. And safety of them is the number one priority. How long ago have you selected the bridesmaids? Do you have someone that would understand if you just be honest and transparent with them?
    I would say include include friend as an “honorary bridesmaid” so that way if she is able to show up, she can still be included.
    You can also leave two guys walk with one girl incase she is able to come that you aren’t over the number.
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag

    I just need to pop in again and say that with a tiny baby (if there is one, she could go over her due date) she will not want to bring the baby to the wedding, nor should she. If it were me I would probably leave the baby with my hubby for a bit to stop in at the reception to say hi, if I felt up to it. (My second was a C section and I would NOT have felt up to it, lol!)

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