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Dedicated January 2020

Bridesmaid dropouts

Amina, on August 16, 2019 at 3:03 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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So I’m currently 5 months out from the wedding and my group of bridesmaids are causing me so much stress, frustration, and making me feel so discouraged. One bridesmaid had to drop out a few months ago because she just got accepted into PA school and didn’t know if she would even make the wedding (even tho she barely showed interest at all in the engagement or being a bridesmaid at all but was able to celebrate her other friends who were engaged after me). Another bridesmaid just dropped out of the bachelorette party which is causing payments off everyone else to increase and now more stress that I didn’t want to deal with about how payments will be made that are due next month. Another bridesmaid who lives in Germany with her husband who is in the Air Force just texted me out of the blue that we need to FaceTime and now I’m stressed that she’s going to tell me she can’t be involved anymore or some other bs. And on top of all that, I’ve been asking the girls since May if they could start ordering dresses by the end of this month, not one person has and half the group doesn’t even know what the dress is after me passing along the info constantly. I’m getting to the point where I just want to cancel having bridesmaids and just have my sister stand with me. What makes everything worse is that my fiancé’s groomsmen have been so involved and excited for the wedding and it seems like my bridesmaids just could careless. Really making this whole experience just really suck for me.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on August 17, 2019 at 2:33 AM

Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on August 16, 2019 at 3:59 AM
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I'm sorry there is so much drama going on. You do have 5 months til your wedding, so maybe giving them an extension til the end of September could work. Unfortunately, when you have a bridal party on the larger side with multiple events and formalities, it can be difficult to corral everyone. Do you think your sister maybe be able to influence then a bit into being more present? I hope things get easier as you get closer in.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on August 16, 2019 at 8:42 AM
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I agree with PP. It sucks so much when brides' expectations aren't met with reality. Especially when they witness other's getting the attention they desire. The best thing to do is concentrate on your big day with your FH and the ones that do show love & support (like your sister).
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Dedicated November 2020
DitchingDiaz · on August 16, 2019 at 9:51 AM
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Do they know your sister? If so, maybe she can start a 'bridesmaids' group chat and she can talk about how you've been feeling. I totally understand what you're going through and I know it's so sad and frustrating, so you have to do what is best for YOU. If having them all attend as guests would relieve stress then go for it, if not think about either calling them each personally and having a heart to heart. (I find that texting them all together only results in them texting each other and getting each other riled up- then it's 1 against +).
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Super January 2020
Rebecca · on August 16, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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Hi date twin!! I'm sorry about all the drama that's going on. I agree with everything the pp's mentioned. Do what is best for you and your FH, it is your day after all! Good luck and congrats!
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Dedicated October 2019
Lindsay · on August 16, 2019 at 10:15 PM
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This is happening to my fiancé as well, luckily you have your sister who is on your side. There is nothing wrong letting the other girls know that you can’t wait to party with them but for your sanity would just like to keep your side of the wedding party small with just your sister. If the stress of having many bridesmaids is ruining this experience for you, then for your mental health cut out the stressful people! This doesn’t mean they aren’t still your besties, but family is family
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Devoted November 2019
Heather · on August 16, 2019 at 10:40 PM
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What did you mean by "payments due". Is that for hotel rooms or a destination wedding? Sorry you are going through this. Maybe this is happening for a reason. A large bridal party can be a hassle but I know you expected more from these girls.
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 17, 2019 at 2:33 AM
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It is usual for BM gowns to be ordered at 4 months or less, because they come in faster than bridal gowns, usually 2-8 weeks, sometimes 10. The closer it is to the wedding, the less likely they will change sizes and spend more than the cost of the dress on alterations. So next month is plenty early. . . . Several hundred dollars is a huge amount for a bachelorette. If they planned it, let them work it out, or cancel and deal with fees . Showers and bachelorette parties are not necessary for all in the BP, and it is common for plans to fall through when they are mini vacations, not just a few hours each and fairly casual, which has been traditional for this reason, so all who want a party can afford it . They can still be good bridesmaids if there is no vacation bachelorette, as long as dresses are ordered within a couple of months.
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