Bridesmaid drop out

As brides we hate to hear that the people we love can't or won't be a part of our special day. It's something we have to just get over and try not to hold grudges about. I'm sorry you loss money but when planning a wedding we take that risk of people not showing up. Your day will be special regardless. Try not to let it worry you.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks, I'll get over it, just hurt for now, a little i guess. I have 9 other bridesmaids that I know will be there for me on our special day.

I am going to be real. I would not consider her a true friend. You can keep her in your life but even if she wanted to move, she could have budgeted for your wedding. Not once has a bride ever paid for me to get my hair and make up done so you made it very easy for her. She decided that one of the happiest days of your life was not a priority to her. If you choose to keep her in your life that is fine but I feel that your relationship with her maybe has changed. That sometimes happens, especially when we get older. It has happened to me and to other friends when we realize that some people are not worth having around. It is up to you if you still want her to be there as a guest but maybe offer the hair and make up to your MIL or another girlfriend since you paid for it. I am so sorry that this happened to you but IMO she showed how she really is.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks Kristen, I mean I agree she has until August to budget for it. I will see if my MIL can use it. I was going to throw her a housewarming party also with one of my other friends.I am absolutely not doing that now. Not going out of my way and spending my money on her that's for sure.

View Quoted Comment

And here is my perspective. You can keep her as a friend but a distant friend. Meaning like you said do not go out of your way for her and if/when she gets married and if she asks you to be a part of her bridal party, decide if you want to spend that money and help with events or just be a guest. You do not have to cut her out but I would not make her a high priority because you clearly are not one to her.

It's rough my bridesmaids just bought her dress today a whole month after everyone else. I've been pissed for a month. Buuuut she called me today n said she had the money and made sure she was purchasing the right dress. She came through. I'd be hurt if she didn't. You gave her a lot of outs n yet she still chose not.

View Quoted Comment Yea that’s frustrating but I’m glad your bridesmaid came through in the end. I tried to accommodate her and it’s just hurtful but I’ll be ok. Kind of just makes me realize things :/

Wouldn’t it be great if all bridesmaid picked up second jobs for our weddings?? Then they could do everything we wanted!

Is it me or are there a lot of trolls on this website? I think you have been very accommodating and it sound like she's not a good friend. I think this is a blessing in disguise. You do not want her to tell you she can't get time off for your wedding from work the week of your wedding. You don't need 10 bridesmaid but just have 2-3 good friends can give you as much love as 10. I would give yourself time to be upset, then after 1-2 weeks shift your energy back to your wedding!! It's amazing, you are getting married. Sometimes weddings are hard for friends, it forces them to take stock of their own lives.

Is this something totally out of the blue for her, or does she normally back out of things? Maybe there’s something else going on and she’s too afraid to say. You said you have nine other bridesmaids, was there behind the scenes drama you don’t know about? Wouldn’t be the first bride to be sheltered from bridesmaid drama, and with that many girls it’s to be expected. You said she’s moving out on her own, is this a planned move, or has something happened that she has to move? Maybe she’s pregnant or maybe her parents kicked her out. I could be way off base with all of this, but if it were one of my besties and this was abnormal behavior for them, I’d be asking more questions.
At the end of the day, being a bridesmaid only requires buying a dress. So for $100, I agree it’s odd for her to step down. If it really is the money, you’re going to have to accept that as her trying to be financially savvy even if it’s not what you would do. You don’t get to judge her on where she is moving to or when, because that is a long term decision and she should not hold back her quality of living for a wedding.
This does really put you in an awkward position and isn’t something I would ever consider doing to a friend. But there really isn’t anything you can do to change it. Just make sure she’s ok (as in she didn’t come up with a lie to back out to hide something bad in her life) and start moving on. You’ve got half an army by your side still, and come your wedding day, you won’t even miss her.

One reason I have been against the recent trend of BM proposals long before the wedding, or in group settings - surprise! is because so very often, one or more friends or family asked to be in the wedding party, cannot do it. And the further out people are asked, the more frequently it happens. The traditional time recommended to ask a BM is less than 9 months before the wedding. Because people just do not know how much their finances, jobs, living location, and relationships will change in a year. What happened to you is not rare. It is very, very common. I think a lot of people are too embarrassed, so they do not talk about it. Your friend may not only have to watch her spending for a year or two to take this place. There may be things she is not saying ( and should not have to) about working extra hours or a second job, to afford the place. Just accept her assessment of her own situation, and move on. I have twice been asked to be in wedding parties way in advance, where by the time it got to 6-8 months, 2-5 ( of 5) BM who originally said yes, no longer could. And though I have been in a huge number of weddings through the years, I have said no to multiple brides. Better to say no, or withdraw very early, leaving the bride time to ask someone else, than to say yes, then do a lousy job of keeping up commitments. Money itself may not be the only thing, just the only one she wants to talk about. However much you have put in to being there for other people, seem by cosmic measure, should come back to you when your time comes. Doesn't happen that way, though. No matter how many concessions you make financially, if money is a real concern, AND something she is keeping private, no need to tell anyone. She can decline, giving no further reason. So just accept that it is something that happens very, very often, to lots of people. My hubby's first choice for Best Man took a vacation o er the weekend we got engaged, to see a fairly new girlfriend. And hubby and friend each wanted the other to be BM. On the same date. 5 months later. We married 7 miles away, they were not even guests at each other's weddings. And two women I asked said no because they were pregnant, and having had advanced stages miscarriages before, had not told people everywhere about their pregnancies. But 4 and 5 months along, when I asked, 4 1/2 months out. I am simply happy the other people said yes. But for all I had given a lot when they married , gave showers, made gown for one ( as gift), 2 years later, their lives were in different places. Just accept it and still be friends. She let you know way in advance for next August. If you made plans for details like HMU, or gifts, so far in advance, that is on you. I am sorry. It does sting at first. But all in all, who is your Bridesmaid, an honorary position for 1 day, is not such a big deal. It will not change much.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input Judith. Like I said, I’m not mad about the money. I actually was trying to accommodate her so she had minimal financial responsibility other than just to stand by my side on our wedding day. I’m just hurt now which I think my feelings are validated And I’m sure it will be fine in the long run but I can be upset if I want to for a little

View Quoted Comment Well I wouldn’t expect it but I have haha

View Quoted Comment No she’s really not flakey. She has a boyfriend that lives in another country so her extra money goes to flying out to see him. I’m not judging her, let her live her life. She can come as guest. Im already over it lol, I just needed to vent somewhere bc I didn’t want to talk about her to my friends lol. 😂

View Quoted Comment Haha, well I don’t know why people are telling me how I should feel but whatever. I feel like if you’re not upset, than do you even care about that person ? Whatever, she’s my friend and I’m already starting to get over it. I just needed to vent somewhere Because I didn’t want to go around talking crap about her behind her back to my friends. Thanks for the positive vibes 💕

View Quoted Comment

Always! I think some people come here to hate but weddings are so fun AND stressful, I want everyone to have the best day! My cousin who couldn't be a BM because she had a baby 3 months before my wedding. She felt so guilty for turning me down. What I did to make her feel included was that I asked her to help with a few things on the day of the wedding. She felt useful and I actually needed her help. Could you do something like that with your friend so she's part of your day while not being a BM? Hopefully she realizes that she really hurt your feelings. Things will work out!!

I think that right now, you should just focus on your wedding and maybe have a conversation about her actions at a later time. Sometimes people do things that don't make sense. I think that if she is a good friend you will make it through, if not leave her in the dust.