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April 2023

Bridesmaid Dresses Debacle sos

Ali, on March 8, 2020 at 10:40 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 8

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Hi! I am currently feel really upset about a recent decision my to-be SIL has made/is making abojt brodesmaid dressses. Before selecting even begun, I had no idea we’d be required to all wear one brand, swatch, material and a selected style of dresses. When I heard, this was her approach it made me really easy and expressed that to her. All of my friends gave us a color and we were able to buy our own. I think this is considerate for many reasons but mostly bc you can find a dress that FITS YOU so you feel comfortable and so you can perhaps recycle the dress.

After looking at them online I knew only one style could possibly work for someone with DD boobs. The bride chose SATIN material. No dresses had any support. And your bra or spanx would be revealed. Only one dress could you wear a bra. I’m typically a size 6 in dresses but it’s hard for me to find something to support my boobs. Anyway, I was open minded and went to the store and tried on all dresses. EVERY woman who worked at the store agreed this was an inconsiderate decision and she has time to change.
We happened to have dinner directly after and I was ready to let it all out but didn’t. My mom agrees with me and mentioned to her it was really difficult to find something, are you sure this is the material you want to go with? She brushed it off and it’s unlikely she would change without more confrontation.
How do I handle this? I CAN NOT wear this to my brothers wedding or I would like to excuse myself from photos bc I’ve never felt so insecure. SOS. Lastly, I don’t care whatsoever if I’m in the bridal party. I just want to be with my brother and family on his day.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on March 9, 2020 at 12:52 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 8, 2020 at 10:45 AM
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"Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find a dress that I felt comfortable in that fit your requirements. I understand that this is your vision, but I won't be able to participate as a bridesmaid."
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April 2023
Ali · on March 8, 2020 at 10:58 AM
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Thank you! I really love this response. She’s going to be my family, I’ve known her for about 7 years and is a sister to me. I don’t think she will react well but I also don’t think it should matter as much for me (grooms immediate family) than her bride tribe.
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Beginner October 2022
Emily · on March 8, 2020 at 12:16 PM
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It is her day, and if that is what she wants I think that’s a fair decision for her to make. I totally think it’s fair to voice your concern and let her know why you are worried about the dress, but it would also be so devastating to have a close loved one choose to not participate in your wedding over a dress. Ultimately your decision, and I understand your struggle (as a large chested person myself) but it’s so hard as a bride to have everyone telling you “it’s my way or the highway” when the day is supposed to be about you and your FH. Hopefully there isn’t too much unnecessary drama over it 🙏
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 8, 2020 at 1:06 PM
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I agree with this! I do 100% see where you’re coming from too. It’s why I let my bridal party choose their own attire. But obviously not all brides are that way, they have a certain vision and so maybe once you voice your concerns she could figure something out for you that would be mutually beneficial to the both of you
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Master May 2020
Kari · on March 8, 2020 at 3:33 PM
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Is it possible to have her go dress shopping with you?
It can be really difficult to understand what works well on other people unless you are similar to them, see a dress actually on them, or dress people for a living. My MOH manages a women's clothing store and even she sometimes needs to dress the same client a few times before she really understands what does and doesn't work for them. If she saw the dresses on you she'd likely form the same opinion as the sales people, and if you were together you might be able to look at other dresses together and find something that works for you but still goes with the overall vision she has for her wedding and bridal party. I don't think this needs to be a huge confrontation, and if you are both reasonable and willing to compromise a bit I'm sure you can find a solution that makes you both happy.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on March 8, 2020 at 10:22 PM
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As a 30H myself, I certainly feel for you. Maybe show her a picture of yourself wearing the dress and then she will realize that she has to allow you to wear a style which accommodates a supportive bra!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on March 8, 2020 at 10:44 PM
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I agree with Caytlyn. If she is not willing to budge on the dress, then I would politely decline being in the bridal party. Maybe you can be a groomswoman since it's your brother's wedding? That way, you can maybe have a bit more say in what you wear. As a fellow busty girl, I cringed when you said satin!
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Expert January 2021
Katie · on March 9, 2020 at 12:52 PM
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Have you tried saying that directly to her? "Listen, these dresses are beautiful but there's no way they'll work with my boobs! Can you help me find a suitable alternative?"
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