Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted October 2020

Bridesmaid Dress vent!

Emily, on February 13, 2020 at 2:17 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 7

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Y’all. It’s been important to me to be the cool bride who is pretty chill about everything. I’ve been easygoing on the topics that have been known to cause fuss. For the bridesmaid dresses, I wanted to let the girls pick out whatever style they wanted as long as it matched the swatch. I REALLY want my girls in velvet dresses but I figured I couldn’t enforce that because they are paying for their dress and not everyone may want to wear velvet. So I did my research and ordered swatches and found 3 that match from 3 different websites. Azazie, jjshouse and cocomelody. I’m totally happy with having only some girls in velvet but we’ll see who ends up with one. I have given my girls 702 dresses to choose from. 2 websites are regular dresses and one website has the velvet. The reason why I’m venting is because one of my bridesmaids is really great but really opinionated and is super into fashion. She’s ordered 4 dresses and none of them came from my 3 websites. Again, I don’t care as long as it matches. So she FaceTimed me wearing one today in a dress that isn’t the right shade but she loves it. We’re going to see what her other dresses look like but I just hate the fact that I’m put in the position to tell her no if something doesn’t work. You’d think if I gave over 700 options I wouldn’t have to be in this awkward position. I’m not even mad about the fact that her dress has a train y’all. A TRAIN. But it is cute and not really long so it’s whatever. Right now I’m waiting to see if her other dresses match before I have the conversation about needing to choose from the websites I gave. So I’m just here venting. It will be fine and if I have to tell her no then it is what it is. I just wish bridesmaids didn’t have so much pushback on what to wear. It’s not like I’m giving them 2 dresses to choose from or making them wear one really unflattering one. Now I’m worried that I’ve given so much room for choice that no one is going to end up in velvet even though that’s what I originally wanted. It’s a fine line between being assertive and too picky. I’m beginning to see myself as a doormat during this planning process like in regards to my bachelorette party too. I just want to make sure everything is within budgets and is what everyone else wants to do but I’m losing sight of what I want on somethings. So anyway, good luck to any other brides going through this. Here’s a picture of some of my swatches. They’re so pretty! 😍 Bridesmaid Dress vent! 1

Flag
Hide content

7 Comments

Latest activity by Mandee, on February 13, 2020 at 11:29 PM

Expert May 2021
Chantal · on February 13, 2020 at 2:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
Oh my, that is definitely frustrating! I understand how you feel 100%. I paid for my bridesmaid dresses, but I found them on Amazon so it wasn't a huge deal.
I can imagine the vein I'd get in my forehead if a bridesmaid wanted to wear a dress with a train... you are far kinder than I am. As hard as it is, I think it's best to just gently tell her no, particularly if she didn't order from any of the dresses you listed. As someone in fashion, she should understand the importance, and should also acknowledge that this is your wedding and you are being very generous in allowing them to choose the style.
If you have your heart set on the velvet, I think you should at least let everyone know that it's your preference. Don't be entitled, of course, but they're your bridal party and undoubtedly love you and want you to be happy.
I LOVE YOUR SWATCHES TOO. So pretty!
- Reply
Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on February 13, 2020 at 2:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
You need to be direct with her and just say in a pleasant way that you have always had a vision for your wedding and this is what it is and it would meant a lot to you if as a bridesmaid she kept to your vision. Having a train and using a different color just screams that she wants to standout. This is not the time for her to shine. This is your day. I was very direct with my bridemaids I gave them many choices all in the same color and thankfully they have been very receptive and anything they objected to we were able to change without changing my vision but if you have a bridesmaid that’s trying to compete with you or change your vision for you day is just say that’s fine if you don’t feel comfortable wearing what I envision you can just be a guest. No love lost.
- Reply
Expert September 2021
Dayna · on February 13, 2020 at 2:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
That color is gorgeous! I would be frustrated too if I gave so many options and someone went with a completely different choice. Even if they are paying, as the bride I feel like you get a pretty big say in what your BMs wear. Do you have a MOH? Maybe you could ask them to choose a velvet dress and have everyone else in non-velvet.
- Reply
Devoted June 2020
Kimber · on February 13, 2020 at 3:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with PPs. Kindly tell her no. You offered lots of choices, hopefully she can find a similar style (sans train) on one of the approved websites. Did she order those 4 before or after you listed the websites? That could be the sticking point. If she ordered those 4 after you said here's the selection, then it is really on her. If it was before, it's a tougher sell.
Also, be direct. Say you prefer velvet, but have provided 2 alternative sites for those who can't vet on board with the velvet. I think just being direct will be the best bet.
- Reply
Master October 2019
Meghan · on February 13, 2020 at 6:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would just let her know that unfortunately, the dress she chose is not one of the 700 options you gave her, so she can’t wear it.
As far as the velvet dress(es), would your MOH be willing to choose a velvet dress? Could you talk to her and tell her you really have your heart set on a velvet dress and ask her if she would be willing to choose one? That way you get your velvet dress and the MOH stands out a little.
- Reply
Devoted August 2020
Lauren · on February 13, 2020 at 11:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
That is tough but I hope you are able to stick up for your vision and say no! If other bridesmaids have a tough time with too many options, you can ask everyone's budget and then pick a smaller selection within that, say 10-15 dresses you like within everyone's budget. It may be easier for them and for you to get what you envision!
- Reply

Devoted September 2020
Mandee · on February 13, 2020 at 11:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
We have the same dress color lol! My girls were given three rules about the dresses. They had to be floor length, the same fabric, and not sweetheart necklines because that's what my dress is. I'm in Florida and I wouldn't ever ask my girls to wear velvet because it is hot as Hades down here in September! That being said, if you want velvet then you should have velvet! That is the part and parcel of being a bridesmaid!!
- Reply