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Beginner December 2018

Bridesmaid Dress Drama

Hannah, on February 11, 2018 at 2:47 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hello! I’m just looking to vent here and possibly get some advice on the situation. This is a bit of a long story:

So last week my 6 bridesmaids came into town to go shopping for their dresses. I had informed them all that I chose the color and they could choose the style. I had also decided to pay half of each of their dresses because I know they are all in very different financial situations. The decision to have them come out here (Phoenix) from NM was made back in November and we discussed dress details at that time too.
Well, when they were all here, two of my future sisters-in-law asked if they could just get a color swatch from the boutique and find their dresses somewhere else. I kindly rejected the idea. When we went shopping, one of my future sisters-in-law took 3 hours to pick out a dress when our appointment was scheduled for 1.5 hours. The entire ordeal was stressful because she continued to complain about finances and not having enough time of decide on a dress. Later that night, at 1:30 am to be exact, she yelled at my fiancé and me that we 1) didn’t accommodate her well enough by rushing her and 2) that she needed to be kept in the loop with all wedding details. I told her that was absurd as it is our wedding, not hers. We did not leave on great terms and now I am second guessing having her in the wedding party. She also informed me that she refuses to get her makeup done for the wedding after I’ve already booked the MUA. Am I being too harsh? My fiancé has already said that it is up to me whether she’s in the wedding party or not. Thoughts?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Hannah, on February 11, 2018 at 11:46 AM

Savvy October 2019
Cynthia · on February 11, 2018 at 3:10 AM
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Honestly speaking, I feel as you have done your part. You are more than willing to help financially yet she doesnt feel you have done enough for her.
Its not her day, its yours.
At the end of the day if you do not feel comfortable knowing she may hold a fake smile/attitude towards on your special day and is stubborn enough not to apologize then i would not allow her to be part of your wedding party.
You're stressing enough as it is because theyre out of state.
You let them know details that required their knowledge thats all they need.
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Savvy May 2018
FutureMThielker · on February 11, 2018 at 3:12 AM
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It sounds like she may have something bothering her, honestly. Have you taken a moment to talk with her privately, one-on-one, to see if you can better understand one another?

Regarding the MUA, is it too late to decrease the number? Where I'm from it's not standard for most bridesmaids to pay to have their makeup done as it adds too much financial burden on the ladies. If you trust that she can accomplish the task of doing her own makeup, I'd let her just to ease the tension on everyone.

At the end of the day, you're still marrying the man you love and you'll have her as a part of your family. It's best to figure out how to handle your relationship with her now instead of later down the line when it may become irreparable. The stress of planning a wedding is real, but take a deep breath and try to put yourself into her shoes for a moment.

"Treat others the way *they* want to be treated."
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VIP November 2017
Nicole · on February 11, 2018 at 3:17 AM
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You already asked her so she's in the wedding. Kicking her out would cause a lot of drama and problems that will probably take a long time for everyone to get over.
Are you paying for the bridesmaids to get their makeup done? If not, you should not be requiring it. They already have financial commitments for the wedding and their every day lives. Paying for makeup may not fit into their budget.
Why did everyone have to travel to Pheonix and pick out their dresses ofntge same day? What designer did you decide on? You could have told them the designer and color and let them shop on their own at a store where they live. Or gone with them individually if they were in town before the dresses needed to be ordered. It seems like an unnecessary trip and expense for the bridesmaids. Will all the dresses be delivered to the store in Phoenix? That seems like it will be more complicated and expensive for the bridesmaids. They will either have to come back to pick then up or pay for them to be shipped to their home most likely.
I kind of agree with your FSIL on this one. It seems like there could have been a better way to handle the whole situation.
Bit, I do not thinknshe needs to be informed on all the decisions about the wedding. Just the ones that would involve her.
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Devoted September 2016
MrsBlah · on February 11, 2018 at 3:59 AM
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If anyone asks me to fly somewhere to buy the bridesmaid's dress, I would drop out of the wedding party right there. If say you have a good reason toake me come and force me to buy a dress on the spot when Im not sure i can afford it, I would also drop out. In my opinion, you're demanding too much.
Also, if you require makeup to be professionally done, you pay for it.
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Devoted October 2018
AbeFroman · on February 11, 2018 at 8:07 AM
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Okay, I'm not understanding why she wants to be in the loop on wedding details. But that is the only part where she is in the wrong.

if you are requiring make up, you should pay for it. She may have been frustrated because she was made to fly out to Phoenix for dress shopping and then wasn't given time to pick her dress. This whole set up sounds inconvenient to your bridal party.

Just keep in mind that if you kick her out, it could damage your relationship, which would be unfortunate cause she is going to be your SIL and you're stuck with her forever.
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July 1993
WED18 · on February 11, 2018 at 9:24 AM
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Her request for a swatch was reasonable, but you "kindly refused" it which might be what started this drama. It's nice that you're paying half of the dress but does that even cover their added cost for airfare? I'd be pretty upset with you too and then to force them to have their MU professionally done? No, just no.
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VIP June 2018
PrincessLawrence · on February 11, 2018 at 9:36 AM
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One, i thinking making them fly in was uncalled for. I think you could of picked color and style and maybe showed an example and let them go pick on therr own. Her wanting to buy else where shouldnt be that big of a deal. As for makeup, as i have been told in this group many times you should pay for it if u want ir done....otherwise jist dont post about it so no one says anything
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Super August 2018
Anvenette · on February 11, 2018 at 9:42 AM
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If you talked about this a while ago and she knew the details ahead of time she should have bowed out then. Thats the whole part of communicating and coming up with a game plan. At this point its your day.if you want drama free LET HER GO
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Savvy October 2019
Katie · on February 11, 2018 at 9:48 AM
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You’re absolutely not being too harsh. It is YOUR wedding and you were already being generous about giving them a few months notice and paying for half their dresses, while letting them pick styles! It sounds like your sister in law is being a princess. I personally would still have her in the wedding as things could rekindle and you may be sad later on that she wasn’t or she may sadly hold a grudge against you. It wouldn’t be your fault but I know that could be awkward since you’re now marrying into the family and you don’t wanna create an uncomfortable situation. Best of luck
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Beginner December 2018
Hannah · on February 11, 2018 at 11:46 AM
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Hello everyone, thanks for your advice. Just to clarify, i did not ‘force’ anyone to fly out here. That decision was made wholly as a group for many reasons. And I will be paying for hair & makeup, I’ve already booked the MUA.
Thanks again for your input!
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