Bridesmaid drama

What makes Mia your best friend? It sounds like she's only in this for herself. From what I read a lot on these forums your friends true colors will show when you start planning a wedding. My advice would be to not have and her negative attitude surround you on one of your most memorable days.

If you are so "inseparable", Mia should have kept her commitment to go to your dress fitting, unless she had a very good reason. It sounds like you value your friendship much more than she does and she seems very flaky. Your family is trying to protect you from her constant letdowns and it sounds like she is pretty selfish/self-centered. I do not think she is suited to be your bridesmaid.

View Quoted Comment

We have been studying together for 5 years and have shared so so much and there through the best and worst parts of our lives over that time. I also live with her currently (we are in our last year of studying). We both started studying later in life than the rest of our class and so are a lot older than everyone else I think that's what made us become friends in the first place.

View Quoted Comment 100% what Sunshine said!
My best friend literally lives in another state and would drive up here every weekend if I really needed her to. Anytime she's back home she lets me know to make plans.

However I am the crappy friend. I never have time off or a long enough break to drive and see her. But I don't bail on her when we do have plans at least.

Girl, you can love someone and want them there, but completely not want them within the immediate circle for your wedding.
My best friend of 12 years was my maid of honor and early on I should have seen the signs that it was going to be nothing but drama. My final dress fitting had been planned for 2 weeks and 3 days before the final dress fitting, she informed me that she was going to go camping with my FH BIL that she was hard core crushing on q5 the time. I was so hurt that she chose a guy she could never get with (she not his type and he wasn't looking at dating since he was going through an ugly divorce) so last minute over something that I told her was super important to me. And it only got worse in over the next 2 to 3 months. We got civily married in Sept of 2020 and when I needed her help with things, all she cared about was making sure her nails looked good or partying with friend that were a half hour way from the wedding at 3 am. It was a complete disaster and she was such a b word the whole 2 months before the ceremony. We are doing a reception next year and she asked me if I was going to have a bridal party and I told her no, even though I'm going to probably have one, she just won't be in it. A lot of other things happened, but I'll just leave you with a piece of advice: CUT HER NOW IF YOU DONT WANT HER BY YOUR SIDE THE DAY OF. If you think about inviting her and having her flake, then don't. It may hurt now, but it might help you enjoy your day so much more.

If I have learned anything at all from being engaged and planning a wedding, DO NOT include friends who don't make conscious and intentional efforts for you. That's with wedding planning or just life and friendships in general.

I had a bridesmaid who was so flakey and selfish. She made every wedding, and even friendship, decision about herself. I didn't really notice it much until I started deeply planning my wedding. Sure enough, it all came to a head and I kicked her out of my wedding, which ultimately ended our friendship. Looking back, I should have seen the red flags of the friendship well before my wedding was involved and avoided the drama.

My point is, you do not need friends OR bridesmaids who don't love the hell out of you. You don't need negativity or drama on your wedding day, or just during your wedding planning period. I say, trust your gut. If Mia was a true friend of yours, you wouldn't be questioning anything now. If it were me, I would avoid anymore drama and use the wedding party count as an excuse. "Sorry! FH and I have a small number for the wedding party now and just want our other close friends to join as guests"

Good luck!

I agree with prior posters on this. The back-and-forth of "No, I would NOT be a bridesmaid, even if you wanted me to" (also, what?!?!?!?!?!? who says that?!?!?!) then "Oh yeah, I guess now I'm willing to be a bridesmaid".......it's all about her, apparently, and this friendship doesn't sound evenly balanced. I would advise you to please listen to the multiple family members around you who are suspicious of her because they have witnessed her hurting your feelings time after time. Please do not cave in....instead, I agree with MK in the post above about how to phrase it.....maybe you can get a dedicated photo with her at the wedding from the professional photographer, but that's all. Pleaseeeee do not invite this woman to be a bridesmaid AKA create more drama and stress during the getting ready, dress shopping, and other wedding-related stuff. Your wedding should be about you and your future spouse, and everyone around you *loving* and *supporting* you two!!!

I went through a similar experience with a good friend of mine. She wasn't supportive of my decisions as the Bride, and she didn't seem to get along with the other ladies in the wedding party. I tried everything to be understanding, but after months of fighting over every aspect of my wedding I finally had enough. Two weeks prior to the wedding I told her I felt like she was putting her selfish needs above my own, and I was tired of fighting for things which I wanted for my wedding. I explained to her I cared about our friendship too much but I also wanted my wedding to go as planned. I told her the best thing to do was for her to come as a guest and enjoy the wedding without the responsibilities of being part of the wedding party.

She still came to the bridal shower, and I actually had another friend step in as the dress was already paid for and I needed at least 3 bridesmaids. Surprisingly, she was understanding and in fact told my other bridesmaids that she was going through some things in her personal life and couldn't be there like I needed her to. The wedding went perfectly, she was happy, I was happy, and we kept our friendship intact.

If Mia is your best friend the best advice I have is to talk to her. Explain your feelings to her and let her explain hers to you. She may have something else going on in her life that's causing her to act this way. In the end, do whatever makes you and your FH happy. Don't try to please everyone else, for you may end up regretting it. Best Wishes!

This reminds me of a former friend of mine. We grew up together, walking distance to each other's houses, best friends for a decade. Practically sisters. As we got older she got flaky. Started dating a guy and suddenly he was the sun she revolved around. Really long story short, after months of up and down and fights and reconciliations, I "broke up" with her. I loved her but I couldn't deal with her BS anymore. We didn't speak for a very long time then over the years things became cordial again. Happy birthday, hope you're doing well, etc. BUT. On the handful of occasions we're tried to set up lunch, she usually cancels last minute. Even if we were still close, I couldn't imagine having her as a bridesmaid.

I think the writing is on the wall here. Sometimes friendships run their course. Maybe it's time for this friend to no longer be as big a part of your life.

Mia doesn't sound like a very good friend, sorry...

If she cancels constantly and lets you down then she does not need to be a bridesmaid. You do not need the added drama and stress when it comes to your wedding day. She will just have to get over it, and if she doesn't then that all on her.

No. Just no.