Bridesmaid Drama

I would have your fiancé talk to them. They're his sisters, after all. Maybe they can stand on his side as groomswomen, so they don't have to interact so much with your bridal party. Normally, firing a bridesmaid is seen as a friendship-ending move, but since these are your future in-laws, you will have a lifelong relationship with them. If I were you, I would really try not to start off on the wrong foot.

If you read through past posts, this is a common thing: brides ask the wrong people too early and then want to fire them while still maintaining a relationship.


Bridesmaids should only be asked 6 months before the wedding, and they should only be those in your innermost social circle. Sisters and sisters in law don’t always have the closest relationship or get along period but they are chosen as honor positions out of obligation regardless. You can remove them but be aware that you will be dealing with a lifetime of hostility from them unless you go no contact. You and fiancé need to set and maintain boundaries with them as a united front.

Regardless of who you choose as bridesmaids, none of them will have the same enthusiasm as you because it is not their wedding day. Also, the reason they are not asked before 6 months before the wedding is that they have nothing to do with planning beyond purchasing a dress of your choice and showing up on the wedding day to support you and have fun.

Remove them. I would say, i realize you haveore important things going on and dont want to put this responsibility on you, so i am relieving you of your duties 🤷‍♀️ it will cause damage, shoot they may not come, but not anything that cant be repaired later. They will be okay, and talk to your FH first so he isnt just in the middle

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All of this. Asking early is just a recipe for drama.

If you kick out your future sisters in law, you'll face awkward family gatherings for years to come, probably for life.

I don't really see what they're doing wrong. You're not getting married for 9 months. Let us know what you're expectations are of them, and maybe we can help you. Frankly, they just need to get a dress and show up.

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I would normally want my fiance to step in, but I was trying not to bother him with the drama, although he knows how I feel and respects it. I might just need to let this go.

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Maybe my expectations were too high. I was hoping for there to be cohesiveness between the girls. But the other bridesmaids don't want anything to do with the SIL's now. I guess this shouldn't be my problem. I just don't want the phone calls, comments or texts from them voicing their negative opinions about the other girls, the wedding, the planning process, the fact that it will be cold.

I am thinking from these comments that I should let this one go and not worry about them.

View Quoted Comment What are your expectations specifically that you expressed to them and what are they not happy with? You do have the right to put your foot down and say “don’t bombard me with your negativity” when they come at you. This applies after the wedding as well when they don’t agree with other decisions you and fiancé make.

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That would be a time to put up healthy boundaries. Just clearly say "I'm sorry about your feelings, but I don't want to be triangled in. I think it's best if I stay out of everything in all ways" to anyone that tries to complain to you. If they persist say "I don't want to hear it". End of story. If you stay out of it, chances are hopefully it will die down.

I agree with previous commenters - removing them as bridesmaids feels like a bad move with a lifelong repercussion you'd have to deal with, and it isn't the best way to start off your marriage. Like others have asked, I'm curious to know a bit more about your expectations of them so that I can better tailor my thoughts on the situation. In order to handle the situation while leaving them in your bridal party, I would maybe recommend just not communicating with them a whole lot regarding the wedding. If you want to solicit someone's advice on anything wedding planning related, pick your closest girl friend who has seemed really supportive and bounce ideas back and forth with her. As far as your FSILs, keep wedding talk and their involvement to the bare minimum such as organizing their dresses and inviting them to any pre-wedding activities that might occur - you can even communicate in a "political" way that you understand they have a lot going on and if they can't attend your bachelorette or bridal shower, for example, it's no worries. I know that's probably not ideal as I'd imagine you'd like to have a close relationship with your in-laws, but this might be a way to just take the pressure off - perhaps it would even be better for you in the end if they slowly distance themselves so that you hear less about their negativity.

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I agree with this. The less you give them to be negative about, the less negativity you'll have to deal with. I wouldn't remove them since they're a close relation and you'll (likely) have to interact with them frequently in your married life, but giving them less to feed off of is a good idea.

I would definitely tell them in a nice way that you do not want to be part of the negativity. As the bride, no one should me dumping issues or complaints on you, as you have enough on your plate and it’s suppose to be positive vibes only.

There is still time! Remove them ASAP! I had to remove one and a second one before I even asked her due to drama and negativity. Best decision I ever made. No matter what anyone tells you, planning a wedding takes a very long time especially if you want to do it calmly and not lose your mind in the price. It’s important that everyone involved in the process is excited and helpful.

You you have the power to veto anyone that is stressing you out. I fo mean anyone family, friends, and future In laws too. So you want them there then you have to take control of your wedding party. I hope it all works out for you

Could they maybe fulfill a different role other than bridesmaids? Maybe greeter, candle lighter, book attendant?

I don't agree with removing them as it will likely cause family drama for years to come. I don't understand what they need to be helping with at 9 months out. I would just not discuss wedding related things with them, even if they bring it up just a simple "things are really coming along, we can't wait for everyone to see it all come together". Same with your MOH/other bridesmaids, if your FSILs don't like planning events or are judgmental, then they can be left out of the discussion and a simple "hey we planned this shower for XX date, if you'd like to help co-host it's $xx per person and we would want you there by XX time to help set up"