Bridesmaid Drama

I think if she can’t go I wouldn’t try to replace her regardless. I think In this case it’s ok to be down a bridesmaid if that happens

It sounds like she’s pretty much given you the answer. If it’s in Vegas, she can’t attend. I think it’s reasonable to ask for a definitive yes or no by a certain date, but I wouldn’t replace her either way. That’s very rude and hurtful toward your replaceable bridesmaid and the runner up that you want to replace her with.

It seems to me like she is just saying she can't make it out of spite. There is absolutely nothing wrong with replacing a bridesmaid. However some people might get offended that they are a second choice and just a replacement. I had to replace a bridesmaid but I asked someone who didn't know I had already a bridesmaid that I got rid of. I would ask her if she could make it sooner than later so that way if she can't you can replace her and the bridesmaid who is replacing her will have time to get a dress and get time off and maybe join in on the fun.

I wouldn’t entertain that at all with her. Give her a date to give you an answer if having a replacement BM is important to you.

Based on what you wrote, I feel like in part she is being spiteful for you not attending. That sucks, that people are that way. As for you wedding, it's in October and who knows what the quarantine will be like if there even will be one. I agree with each of the PP - no matter what you do it's a tough choice, I'd give her a date to let you know one way or another and if you have someone in mind to replace her, great, but I don't think I'd force that person to have to purchase the BMs gown and accessories, I'd pay for it as they would be your now back up BM if you go that route. Otherwise, you could leave that spot open and no one would have to know.

I don't think she's being unreasonable. If her work finds out that she lied, she could get in trouble.

If she is just being spiteful, that's truly a shame. I wouldn't replace a bridesmaid regardless of when she confirms, just because I wouldn't want another friend or relative to feel like "2nd choice" or "backup" - that could offend them, even if you don't mean to and the circumstances are certainly unusual.

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I agree with this 100%. At least in regards to your bachelorette sounds like she is being spiteful. I will agree with another pp that she basically gave you an answer. It is fair for her to forego as some people cannot afford to lose two weeks of work as some jobs may not cover that time and definitely if that is the case something you should respect that because if the situation were the reverse you would want her to understand. I would not add a replacement bridesmaid as it will feel just as that. If that person was not important enough to add at the start then I would not do it later just to keep numbers. No one will notice if the sides are uneven. I will say while this is frustrating please do not let her attendance or lack there of affect your happiness for your day. If she is there great and if not then oh well.

Thanks ladies for your thoughts. The thing I hadn't mentioned is the person I would ask is my other sister. I hadn't originally asked her because she was supposed to be in New Zealand for college during my wedding and she didn't know if she could make the trip back to the states for it. Due to COVID her school abroad was cancelled and she is now attending the wedding. She has mentioned to my other sister how she kinda feels left out of everything and so this is one way I could bring her in.

I would 100% ask your sister regardless of your friend’s answer. Life in general (and especially in the times of Covid) is too short to worry about having even numbers, or what people are wearing, etc. Hopefully both can be in the wedding.