One of my best friends is supposed to be a bridesmaid, however she recently got super distant and rarely responds to me and never tags me in things on Facebook (we literally used to talk every day). I asked her if we were okay, and she said she was getting upset that I talk about the wedding too much, I don’t feel like I talk about it that often but I told her I’d cut back and haven’t talked about the wedding to her since. I thought we were good after that but she still hardly talks to me. I took her a boba tea the other day at work and hardly got a thank you, but today her other friend took her one and she posted a picture of it on Snapchat saying “my best friends the best”. She also doesn’t like my maid of honor and hasn’t been responding to anything in the bridesmaid group chat. My MOH wants everyone to write me a letter and she’s going to put them in a scrapbook for me for the wedding day, she messaged me privately saying she didn’t want hers in the big scrapbook and wanted to make her own entire scrapbook. I honestly think shes upset that she isn’t a MOH. I know you can’t ask a bridesmaid to step down without losing them as a friend, and I really don’t want to lose her as a friend but it’s getting to be a lot more stress than I want from one person. I literally don’t know what to do anymore.
It doesn't sound like anything here that can't be worked through. You asked her why she was distant, and she gave you an honest answer. Sometimes we don't realize how much we talk about our weddings (because is it on our mind 24/7!), and need others to give us a check. Using the boards like these is a great alternative for sparing friends and family from non-stop wedding talk, because we love it! Haha. The other stuff is kind of trivial to be honest - not tagging you in FB (??), not participating in a group chat (I DETEST group chats and she may feel the same - maybe she prefers one-on-one communication), and wanting to so something special for you on her own rather than be lumped in to a larger book - all pretty harmless. Making her own scrapbook is honestly a pretty sweet gesture and testament to how she views your friendship - don't lose who you call one of your best friends over that. Go out for tea or lunch soon - when was the last time you spent some one on one time together just talking (not about the engagement/wedding)? Ask her directly how she prefers to communicate and see if you can find a solution that works for everyone.
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I’ve tried asking her to hang out and she just ignores me. I don’t exactly have an issue with her making her own scrapbook, it’s just that she’s doing it for the sole reason of not liking my maid of honor, which she told me, and has also told me that’s why she doesn’t participate in the group chats.
Do you know why she doesn’t like your MOH? I’ve had friends that couldn’t stand each other and tried to make them like each other/be civil and it never worked. This might be a similar case where you have to accept that she doesn’t like the MOH and can’t force herself to interact with her.Childish for sure but I don’t think anything you do will change that so best to accept it and let her do her own thing so you don’t get stressed out. My recommendation would be to only talk wedding when you have to ask her for something needed such as if she’s ordered her dress, and keep trying to communicate/hang out. Getting her a boba tea was a great idea and it’s sad she wasn’t more thankful, at least you know that you’re trying.
I think she's jealous, I'll be honest you can really do anything with a bridesmaid like that. At the same time though I wouldn't take her out of the bridal party because that's the same as ending a friendship.
A lot of my bridesmaids were very nonchalant and uncaring about the wedding as well, and were distant, but they got their act together the closer the wedding came. I literally could not have asked for better bridesmaids, they were pretty amazing.
Your bridesmaid is being a bad friend. Whether or not she likes your MOH has nothing to do with her supporting you and being in your wedding. She's punishing you for her dislike of your MOH, and its unlikely that's just going to pass on your wedding day.
You have done a lot to salvage this friendship. I would have a serious check-in with her. Tell her you value her as a friend but she isn't being a good friend to you and the drama between her and your MOH is affecting your friendship and your ability to enjoy your own wedding planning process. You can acknowledge that you won't bring up the wedding unless its an absolutely important "need to know" detail, but that she needs to communicate with your MOH and the other bridesmaids and you aren't going to continue to be a go-between because she cannot grow up and get over her petty dislike of another human being who you have signified is important to you. Unless her MOH has done something egregious and worthy of being shut-out (which seems impossible since they haven't met), she's just being childish. If her behavior doesn't improve, I wouldn't hesitate to remove her from your wedding party, because she's clearly not able to fulfill the role of supporting you if she cannot get over her petty jealousy and actually be your friend.
Bridesmaid group chats are the worst, especially when you don't already know everyone, I wouldn't participate either. I'm sorry youre hurt by her actions at the moment, but I would just continue to treat her like a friend and leave your wedding out of it.