Bridesmaid Drama need advice!

I would keep in her the party, highly encourage her driving down on the wedding day so you don’t have to deal with her all weekend, and not worry about it anymore

Honestly I’d just set her up to maybe remove herself from it. Like “I’m sorry that what I’m asking is too high maintenance for you and I understand that you’d rather come late with your husband and not be in the bridal party. Is that what you want?”

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That's the conversation I was thinking of exactly.

It sounded like she would rather be a guest...she also openly told me and everyone at her party that she hates my FH...and not just one time. That was my drawing line.

View Quoted Comment Yeah seems like she doesn’t want to be there as much as you don’t want her there. I wouldn’t “kick her out” but I’d have an honest conversation about how it doesn’t seem like she wants to be there and it’s fine if she wants to step down.

I understand that you don't want to lose her friendship but honestly someone that would put me down and how I am as a bride on my wedding day I'm not sure if I even want that friendship to continue. She called you high maintenance which to me is rude. Also I don't care for all of my friends friends but I would never put their friends down in front of them as that's just highly disrespectful. I agree with what gen was saying but I feel like you should at least talk to her and tell her that during her bachelorette party you didn't want to cause any drama but her calling you high maintenance and disrespecting your maid of honor was very hurtful and I you didn't appreciate it. Again, it is up to you but I would really evaluate if this is a friendship you want to continue.

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It was extremely hurtful for sure. Left me in shock. I knew she wasn't great friends with my MOH but to straight up trash talk her, then trash talk my FH and me...I wasn't ok.

I'm normally not one to agree with bringing up the idea of stepping out of a wedding to a BM, but if she's not supportive of your marriage to your FH (which she implies when she says she hates him), then I think a very frank and honest conversation needs to happen. I think maybe set up a lunch date or something (without alcohol, as I feel like that always fuels fire) and bring up the concerns you just told us. "Hey BM, I wanted to talk to you about some things you've said about my wedding and my FH. This things have hurt me and I want to see why you've felt the need to say them." Having an open dialogue will allow you both to be heard and could either fix any issues or, like you're concerned with, end the friendship. If the it ends up being the latter, while it would suck during the moment, it would probably end up being for the best. I wouldn't want someone in my life who talks trash about my friends (and probably me behind my back) and who doesn't support my marriage.

I would take a step back and think about what she adds to your friendship. What aspects do you value from this relationship with her? Right now she doesn't seem to be a supportive friend (complaining about money/other people). If you want to continue a friendship with her you can't remove her from your bridal party, that will likely result in a fall out. But if you value her friendship you should definitely talk to her about how you're feeling.

View Quoted Comment Now that's not cool at that happened and no one deserve that. I would definitely stay in order for the Friendship to continue you should definitely just have an in-person conversation with her to let her know how much that hurt.

Yikes. I do wonder if she’s like that in general? Is that her personality or was that out of character for her? Just wondering because if that’s not how she’s usually like then was she just cranky that weekend?

Is she talking about arriving on your wedding day because of transportation logistics? It sounds like you want her to come earlier but her husband can't come until that day, and she wants to travel with him.

How early are you asking them to have their hair and make up done?

View Quoted Comment It’s not that she has transportation issues it’s just a long story. The venue is 6 hours from where we live and there are 12 of us doing hair and make up. Photos start at 3pm on the nose. Additionally, we need all of our bridal party at both rehearsal and wedding. ALL other events are optional except for those.

We had a conversation over lunch and she is going to decide if she wants to stay in the party or not. I guess she is going through some things mentally and all the alcohol at her party exasperated the situation. Thank you everyone for the advice!

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That's too much. I'd put her out of the party and seriously reconsider having her on the guest list.

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Oh yeah... if she was bashing my FH, I'd be giving her the boot. That's completely unacceptable.

Thanks for the update but let me tell you alcohol didn't make her say those mean things. secondly if she hates your FH then why do you have her in the wedding? That's crazy if you hate my FH I wouldn't choose you to stand by my side as I marry my best friend.

as far as her not liking your MOH that's fine because you don't know her reason you could just talk to her about how it makes you uncomfortable. Just because your MOH is your best friend doesn't negate the fact she could just have been awful to her. I think you need to re-evaluate what a BM means to you. because to me it is the ladies who I couldn't see myself marrying my mister without. ladies who fully support our union, who wishes us both the best. Not someone who blames their bad behavior on alcohol and who hates my fiance and calls me high maintenance.