Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Expert September 2019

Bridesmaid drama. help :)

Vanessa, on July 16, 2019 at 10:13 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Trying to make this short and sweet but we will see! I get married September 21st that is 2 months away! Ahh crazy but so awesome.
Anyways! My 5 bridesmaids are my cousin who is my MOH, 2 of my cousins who are my bridesmaids, and my fiancé’s 2 sister in laws. Everyone is amazing and being so supportive except for his one sister in law, let’s call her Ashley.
Ashley seems to be extremely jealous of mine and my FH relationship for some reason. She has to make a comment about every little thing, from the cake girl we went with to us buying our first home!! She’s 26 years old and is a stay at home mom of 2 beautiful children who we absolutely adore and her 2yo daughter is our flower girl. In April it was time to go bridesmaids dress shopping, she didn’t have the money so my FMIL paid for her when I begged her not to and if they didn’t have the funds for our wedding they could of politely declined but we wanted them to know we wanted them to be a part of our special day.
fast forward to almost two weeks ago she is saying she has no one to watch her 8 month old baby because we are having no children other than the ring bearer and flower girl at our wedding and she’s known this since we started planning the wedding. To me, it seems like she thinks she is entitled to bring the baby if she doesn’t “find anyone” which it seems like she hasn’t made any effort to ask anybody at all. i stressed to her that we cannot make any exceptions because there are lots of our family members that are figuring it out with children of their own and if we make one exception, my FH and I look like the bad ones.
Fast forward to yesterday I mentioned to my girls that my aunt and cousin from NY are going to do our hair and make up. My aunt does hair for a living and is SUPER down charging for my bridesmaids ($25 each) also my cousin who is a MUA in NY is super down charging too ($30 each). I put the girls in a group chat and asked them if those prices were okay and if not let’s chat. Every single one of them answers except for Ashley. Ashley continued to text in the group chat multiple times but has yet responded to my question. I asked her two more times in the group chat and again is ignoring my question. I texted her privately just now so she wasn’t put on the spot and said “is everything okay, why haven’t you responded to me?”.

i have been biting my tongue with this girl since April about my wedding. I feel that she is being selfish, disrespectful, and is fully stressing me out when I’m TWO MONTHS out from my wedding I need to have my focus on other things.. not worrying and stressed about Ashley.
This is supposed to be a time to just have plain fun and celebrate and for me it hasn’t been because she is my concern.

Please be respectful with your comments. Thanks ladies.

Flag
Hide content

21 Comments

Latest activity by Lady, on July 17, 2019 at 3:55 PM

Champion December 2017
earias · on July 16, 2019 at 10:31 PM
Flag

Hide content
It is unclear from your post but it sounds like you are requiring them to pay to get their hair and makeup done. Even though those are good prices, the general rule is that if you are requiring professional services then you pay for it. This is probably her passive aggressive way of telling you that she doesn't want to pay for professional services.
- Reply
Expert November 2019
Keri · on July 16, 2019 at 10:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
I understand the "no kids" other than the bridal party. We will have our ring bearer who is FH's nephew. That's it. However, I'm trying to put myself in your SIL's shoes. I don't have children, but I can see being upset with one of my children attending the wedding, but not the other. You want her, her husband, and one child there, but not the other? I see how feelings would get hurt/offended. I think you might need to consider this exception.
I'm not sure why it matters if your FMIL payed for her dress. Again, don't know the relationship or the financial situation.
As for hair and make up, are you requiring it? If so, you foot the bill. If not, she can choose to do her own hair and make up.
At the end of the day, all she is obligated to do is show up in the dress. Sorry you are so stressed!
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 16, 2019 at 10:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
She didn’t even pay for her own dress, my FMIL did. This is why I don’t think $55 is asking for too much
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 16, 2019 at 10:48 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Exactly. It’s hard to write this post when no one understands the situation, also the other sister in law who is my bridesmaid has two kids and the 5yo is our ring bearer and their 2yo will not be attending the wedding and they already have someone to watch him. They had no issue with it and said it would actually be easier for them to enjoy themselves.
What I’m saying is maybe it would of been easier if she just dropped out or if my FMIL didn’t pay for her dress. Would of made it a heck of a lot easier on me. I regret asking her to be in my wedding. Also, since she didn’t pay for her own dress I didn’t think that $55 was asking for much.
- Reply
Expert November 2019
Keri · on July 16, 2019 at 10:58 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Were you hoping that if you FMIL didn't purchase the dress, she wouldn't have accepted/bought it/be in the wedding?
I get it. $55 is a steal. She didn't have to pay for her dress so this is her only "required" expense. However, I think you will be way less stressed out if you just let this one go. She doesn't have to get her hair and make up done by anyone if she chooses not to. Tell her the price of the services offered and be done with it. If she wants to bust out the hot curlers and Wet N Wild make up for a little beauty DIY, let her. Hey, maybe your FMIL will pay for it (not that she is obligated to).
- Reply
VIP September 2019
CDickman · on July 16, 2019 at 11:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
But it does not matter. If bride require hair and make up she pays. Raising kids is expensive. So why does it matter who payed for her dress. And yes the sister in law can Work but then the have to find a child care. Which is expensive.
if the rule is no kids that’s the rule. Also remember that half of her family will be at the wedding. So she may be stuck depands how close she is with her family.
- Reply
Expert August 2020
Arielle · on July 17, 2019 at 8:13 AM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with some of the PP. Typically if you require hair and make up you should pay for it. Maybe you dish out the $55 bucks and make it part of her present? I agree that $55 is a steal but sometimes that's a lot for some people.
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 17, 2019 at 9:02 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
It’s my fiancé’s sister in law, not his sister. None of her side of the family will be attending our wedding so this should be easier for her to find someone. She just hasn’t made any effort to ask anyone to watch the baby and is assuming if she doesn’t find anyone that she can just bring him. My fiancé’s other sister in law who is another one of my bridesmaids also has two children and the oldest is 5yo he will be our ring bearer and they already found someone to watch their youngest, he’s 2yo, and both of the parents are on the wedding and they said it is actually easier on them to not have their youngest since they want to enjoy the day too! It’s also an evening wedding and there will be drinking and I don’t think it’s appropriate for kids to be there.
- Reply
Super July 2018
Brittany · on July 17, 2019 at 9:09 AM
Flag

Hide content
It sounds like she's always been a little difficult towards you - her negative comments about you home and everything, so unfortunately it isn't surprising that she's not being cooperative now. The best thing you can do for yourself is stop worrying and stop trying. If she doesn't get her hair done, its truly not a big deal. Something as little as that is not worth ruining your wedding planning experience. Leave her out of texts that you think she'd give negative feedback too. Don't give her opportunities to ruin this!
The only thing that does need to be addressed though is her bringing the baby to the wedding. I don't think that she'll respond well if you have the discussion with her so I'd leave it up to your fiance and his mom to handle this. I do understand that beings that her entire family will be at your wedding it would make it more difficult for her to find someone to watch her child so unless your fiance and his mom are able to help her realize she has a good friend she trusts or someone on her Significant other's side of the family to watch the baby than she really might have to bring the baby. I highly doubt anyone would complain because the baby is the groom's niece and so young
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 17, 2019 at 9:25 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thank you Brittany! I needed to hear this! I appreciate your kind words and advice. I will try to not worry about it I just also have a big heart and didn’t want her to feel left out if everyone else was getting “pampered” the day of but I guess it’s out of my hands. Also, it’s not my fiancé’s sister, it’s his sister in law his brothers wife so none of her family members will be attending our wedding
- Reply
VIP September 2019
CDickman · on July 17, 2019 at 9:27 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I said that if that was the tile it’s fine. Is she close with her family?
- Reply
Super July 2018
Brittany · on July 17, 2019 at 9:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I totally get it! I tend to stress myself out trying to cater to others as well but remember this is your day! If she's not cooperating then don't waste your energy! I would recommend that your fiance talk to his brother about who can watch the baby. It'll probably go smoothly if he talks to his brother then his brother talks to his wife. Best of luck!
- Reply
Lady · on July 17, 2019 at 3:11 PM
Flag

Hide content
1) It's rude to split up families (inviting some kids and not their siblings) so I totally get her frustration.
2) It's none of your business who paid for her BM dress. Like at all. Why do you even know? It doesn't matter.
3) you cannot spend people's money for them. If she doesn't' want to pay $55 to have her hair done then she doesn't have to. If you NEED her to have it done (eyeroll) then you need to pay for it.
This is only a problem because you're letting it be one. A baby is not going to ruin your day and the majority of the time babies are the exception to the "no kids" rule.
- Reply
Expert October 2019
Tamika · on July 17, 2019 at 3:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
You need to talk to her face to face so you can make sure everything is fine. I had someone like that and now that person is out but she made it her own decision. One less gift I have to worry about purchasing.
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 17, 2019 at 3:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Oh hello “Lady”

1) it is MY wedding 😁
2) no need for the “eye roll” lol
3) no kids I think means NO KIDS. My rules are no kids, period.
4) I never said I NEED her to pay $55, we can make a way for it to be cheaper on her but she doesn’t even have the decency to text me back after I asked her 3 times for any type of way we can make this work for her.
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 17, 2019 at 3:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thanks so much Tamika!! And unfortunately, I have purchased all the girls gifts 😭 lol
- Reply
Expert October 2019
Tamika · on July 17, 2019 at 3:37 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! LOL, that's okay. I am not purchasing my gifts until a month prior to the wedding to make sure they come on time. My only reason is because the wedding is out of state and I would hate to buy gifts and someone can not attend in the wedding because of money issues or traveling concerns.
- Reply
Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 17, 2019 at 3:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yessss girl 😭😂 and That makes total sense!! If she drops out... I can just keep the gifts lol other than the one personalized gift 😂
- Reply
Dedicated September 2019
Mary · on July 17, 2019 at 3:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
I've got a suggestion here. Since it sounds like your other sister in law has a sitter to keep her 2 year old---how about seeing if this sitter could accommodate "Ashley's" little one also? Unless, of course they don't live in the same area. OR, what about seeing if you could provide and offer to pay for a sitter for her little one while the wedding is taking place? Wouldn't that be less expensive than having to worry that the situation explode into something more costly--like a ruined relationship? I believe that infants of families who are invited to attend weddings are the exception to the "No Children" rule---if I'm not mistaken---so you might be obliged to have your FH's brother and sister-in-law's wee one at your wedding. But, it's your wedding, and you do have the right to lay down the rules. Whatever happens, I pray that things will be resolved for you in a sweet and simple resolution. You don't want to be stressed out before your big day---and I'm pretty sure your FH doesn't want things to get out of hand either. God bless you and give you peace!
- Reply

Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on July 17, 2019 at 3:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
This means a lot, thank you for your kind words Mary! Though, I have already made the suggestion about the person who is watching the OTHER sister in laws little one to watch “Ashley’s” baby, and she didn’t even consider it at all . It’s not like I’m trying, also, my venue does not provide child care. So I keep suggesting other people and family friends ect. and she says that her husband (my FH brother) won’t let just “anyone” to watch the baby, and yes of course I understand that but the people I am suggesting are all close family friends.

I cannot let this eat me up anymore.
- Reply