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Dedicated September 2020

Bridesmaid drama help please!

Megan, on March 2, 2020 at 7:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21

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So I have 4 bridesmaids all were asked 5ish months ago wedding is coming up in june and everyone has ordered dresses except for one, who was hesitant from the start because she didnt want to spend 40 bucks for her dress. Here it is in March, I talked to her several days ago and said she would order it either that night or the next night... I asked her to say when it was going to come in because one of the girls dresses that ordered it 5 months agos dress wasnt coming until April. I still have not heard from her. I had a heart to heart with her and said if she didnt want to be a bridesmaid that's ok too shes still welcome to come to the wedding, to which she responded she still wants to be a bridesmaid. I am at a loss. What the heck do I do? I am aware cutting people out is a friendship ender and I dont want that, but what the heck do you do with a person that wont take it upon themselves to order their dress?

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on March 7, 2020 at 11:13 AM

VIP March 2015
Nefetera · on March 2, 2020 at 7:41 PM
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I know it sucks that its your wedding you can do serval things but if it was me Ill ask her whats the update and if she hasnt order why? & if she doesnt order it within now asap you may have to tell her she cant be in the wedding party bc it seems as if you have to chase her just for an update with the dress which is not acceptable bc its all about you ..this is your wedding and time is coming short. Im not being harsh just advice.
I hope it works out well for you and congrats
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on March 2, 2020 at 7:45 PM
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I would just let her know if she doesn’t have a dress by the wedding day she will just be a guest and then let it go and don’t ask about it again.
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 2, 2020 at 7:45 PM
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Thanks girl! I just needed some reassurance I'm doing the right thing I guess! My friends said I should cut her out too, just wanted to get another perspective to be sure 😍 it's getting old chasing her for sure!
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VIP March 2015
Nefetera · on March 2, 2020 at 7:46 PM
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Excalty and right i agree...np at all
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 2, 2020 at 7:47 PM
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Thanks! That's a good way to do it too, its wearing me down worrying myself over it!
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on March 2, 2020 at 8:08 PM
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I had 10 bridesmaids and I never asked when they ordered it and they all had a dress at the wedding. I found out after the fact that some of them ordered less than a month before the wedding. It all turned out and it would’ve added unnecessary stress!
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 2, 2020 at 8:16 PM
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Wow! That's quite a few. Haha and true enough!
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Super February 2021
Don · on March 2, 2020 at 11:13 PM
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Hi Megan,
I think you need to cut her loose, I was worried that my girls might procrastinate in ordering the dresses I wanted them in, so I bought them as gifts, figuring that they weren't one and done dresses!
My girls dresses
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 2, 2020 at 11:45 PM
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As annoyed as I was, at the end of the day as long as mine got their dresses by my wedding it was all good by me
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 3, 2020 at 2:55 AM
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Beautiful!
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 3, 2020 at 2:56 AM
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True enough, good point. I will ponder it.
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Devoted October 2019
anna · on March 3, 2020 at 10:48 AM
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Maybe the money is an issue for her and she doesn't want to admit it - could you offer to buy her dress for her since it's only $40? seems a small price to pay if you really want to have her in your wedding.
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Judith · on March 3, 2020 at 11:25 AM
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This. There is no point setting and resetting deadlines. It just leaves bad feelings. She is an adult, she has the info. She gets the dress and is a bridesmaid. Or she doesn't and is a guest, and knows it was entirely her own fault. Sorry, but some things are best if let be. You did what you could.
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Devoted March 2020
Kelsie · on March 3, 2020 at 12:04 PM
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Honestly, you've talked with her and it's her responsibility now. $40 is not a lot to spend on a bridesmaid dress. I spent $150 when I was in a wedding 3 years ago. If her dress isn't here in time, I would tell her "I'm sorry, but you can't be in the wedding since you don't have your dress. You can come as a guest". I thought I was going to have to tell one of my bridesmaids that because the dress she had ordered was a little too small. She assured me that she would loose the weight to fit in it, but whenever I saw her eating she was eating junk. I talked with her about it and after she assured me again I'm like "ok, fine" and I decided that I wasn't going to say another thing about it. If she doesn't fit she can't be in the wedding.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on March 3, 2020 at 5:55 PM
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I completely agree with Kelly. I think you've really done all you can in the department of being understanding and offering her an option to opt out if she needs to. Just inform her that if she doesn't have the dress by the wedding, she unfortunately won't be able to be a bridesmaid, and of course you would hate that. And then see what happens.
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 3, 2020 at 8:25 PM
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Good advice thanks
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 3, 2020 at 8:36 PM
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I would, but I honestly regretted even asking her since every interaction I have had with her since i asked has been mostly negative. I know she doesnt have money none of my friends do, that's why I found an inexpensive decent looking dress. But no one else skipped a beat including my friend that's a single mom of two working as a hairdresser, I would've bought hers in a heartbeat. She ( the one without the dress)has been in several weddings the last couple years as a bridesmaid, so theres no reason she should be surprised when I found a 40 dollar dress... most dresses are over 100. It's on me at the end of the day because I shouldn't have asked her, we hadn't really kept in touch the last couple years. Should've just let it go.
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Devoted October 2019
anna · on March 4, 2020 at 11:10 AM
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Aw I'm sorry! it really sounds like you've done all you can do. maybe just tell her that if she doesn't have her dress by X date, the agreement will be that she isn't going to be a bridesmaid and will be attending as a guest instead. if you're getting programs printed with the names of the bridal party, you'll need to know by a certain date if she is going to be a bridesmaid or not. that puts the ball in her court instead of you feeling like you have to cut her out.
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on March 4, 2020 at 11:07 PM
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Thank you! This may be the best response to this yet! That's an awesome way to put it to get her to know the deal, without straight cutting her out.
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Devoted October 2019
anna · on March 6, 2020 at 10:16 AM
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I hope it all works out for you!
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