I want to preface this by saying that I completely understand that it is the bride’s choice as to who she wants standing with her as BM’s on her special day, and I’m not trying to be petty. In fact, that’s why I’m posting this here rather than talking to someone about it—I’m embarrassed for feeling the way that I do, and would never say a word about it to the bride or our mutual friends. It has been on my mind though, and I feel like I need to vent.
The bride is a friend from work who I’ve known for a little over 4 years. Even though we became friends through work, I would consider us close friends in general. We hang out outside of work, and have personal conversations all the time. I was engaged when I met the bride and had already chosen my BM’s, but she participated in all of my wedding events including coming along on my bachelorette trip. Her FH is another coworker of ours who I also consider a good friend, and my husband and I hang out with the two of them quite often. I actually played a part in the bride and her FH getting together, so I was incredibly happy for them when they got engaged.
The bride has a lot of close girlfriends, so being asked to be a BM didn’t even occur to me at first. As she got more involved with planning, though, she solicited my help and opinions more and more. Then just a few weeks ago the bride planned a trip to go wedding dress shopping with a small group of girls including her lifelong best friends (who were BM’s without question), her sister and me. We had a great time and the vibe throughout the day made me feel like this group might be her bridal party, and we were even picking out bridesmaid’s dresses. I have never been a BM and was really excited. I was having a really good time until the ride home when we were debriefing about a bridesmaid’s dress that the bride really liked, and she asked the other girls if they would be okay with wearing it and didn’t ask me. Then a few days later she showed me a dress that I could wear to the wedding as a guest. I was so hurt and a little embarrassed that I had gotten my hopes up! I’m still really happy for her and will be there to help in any way that I can, but I have to say it stings a little that I didn’t make the cut. I guess I’m a little hurt that she invited me with a group that was going to be her bridal party, and then obviously excluded me by asking the others if the dress was suitable. I know it’s not about me, but I just needed to get it off of my chest.
