Bridesmaid disappointment

I had a problem with one of my bridesmaids in my first wedding. Not only was she absent for almost everything we did, she was really uncommunicative for most of the time. She was plannign a wedding of her own for shortly after mine, so i chalked it all up to that, but then when I tried to talk to her about her own wedding, and try to make it not all about me, she was cold and short with me. I tried to get excited for HER wedding, and she was like "yeah, i'm not looking forward to it".

Whenever she did show up for something, or we talked about what I was planning, she was super negative about EVERYTHING. Like when I told her what I was doing for colors, she got all pissy and said, all snotty like, "you had said red before?" (this "before" was about 6 months before i even got engaged, so, yeah, ideas change...). Then she complained about the dressed i asked them to wear, which I told her had to be one of two colors, or a combination of those two colors, and could be ANY style she wanted, from any designer or store that worked for her, but that was still apparently an issue? ok, whatever, let's move on. She proceeded to be late to the wedding, only wear her dress for the ceremony (changed into ratty clothes after, not even a "nice" outfit...) and left about half an hour into the reception... I haven't spoken to her since.

some people can be real buttheads...

No, i haven't really spoken to her since then (2011). I tried reaching out shortly after but it was more of the same; like I was annoying her and she couldn't be bothered with me. Whatever. I'm not sad she's not in my life lol

Unfortunately, you need to remind yourself that nobody will be as excited for your wedding as you are. I'm sorry the second BM didn't even send a text!

When I got my wisdom teeth out I was really messed up from the medication that puts you to sleep. It bothered my stomach so I spend days throwing up and sleeping because of the pain and exhaustion from getting sick. There was no way I would have been able to send a text saying I couldn't make it to something. So I'd say that the wisdom teeth thing could be a valid excuse. However, I feel like that's not really the problem here. Are there other reasons you have to feel like the friendship is hollow? Wedding related things aside, are you still good friends? How close were you before you asked her to be a bridesmaid? A lot of times brides ask friends of many years to be bridesmaids but they actually haven't been close with that friend for the last few years so the bridesmaid really has no interest in being around.

Asking her to not be a bridesmaid anymore will end the friendship. So I'd definitely think about whether or not this friendship has been naturally coming to an end or not before you make any decisions.

It does seem odd she wouldn't reach out prior and tell you she wouldn't be able to attend? I could see not doing it after the surgery, you're pretty out of it. I'm sorry!