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Devoted May 2021

Bridesmaid Dilemma

Melissa, on January 7, 2020 at 9:10 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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I am having a destination wedding in Mexico. I asked 3 of my best girlfriends to be my bridesmaids. All 3 said they wouldn’t miss it! My 1 BFF & I have the sort of relationship where months can go by and we don’t talk but pick up where we left off. She’s completely family! Since booking the wedding has started and deposits have to be made she’s become radio silent. I’ve text her and nothing. My mom has text her and again nothing. My birthday is a week before Christmas and this year I didn’t even get a Happy Birthday. First time in I don’t know how long. It really hurt my feelings because there are only a few people I expect to remember. My BFF since 12 (we are in our 40’s) is definitely one of them. I text her again to let her know that the radio silence is hurtful. I also explained if they couldn’t come to Mexico I’d completely understand, although everyone knew this was the plan for years. Everyone needs to be booked by January 17th and we haven’t heard a word. Like if you don’t want to be in my wedding or can’t afford it just tell me. I’d be disappointed but would completely understand! I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot by way of communication! Do I move on without her? I don’t want to be a nag although as much as Ive tried reaching out maybe I’ve become a nag. Please no negative comments.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on January 8, 2020 at 12:17 PM

VIP September 2020
Neeva · on January 7, 2020 at 9:22 PM
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So she agreed and then stopped communicating or never agreed in the first place?
I think you have tried and there is not communication on the other end so move on without her. Invite her like you would any other guest and she's an adult who can book if she wants to come. I'm sorry this is happening to you!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 7, 2020 at 9:25 PM
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So sorry but mover on our site isn't communicating and just work with the bridesmaids.
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Devoted May 2021
Melissa · on January 7, 2020 at 9:32 PM
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Oh no, she agreed! Said of course she would never miss my wedding. I’m afraid that’s where I’m at with the whole thing. If you go to book outside of the group and the resort is sold out that’s your loss is kind of how I feel at this point. It just saddens me really? Like who doesn’t say anything at all yah know?!
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VIP September 2020
Neeva · on January 7, 2020 at 9:34 PM
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Yeah that's really disappointing!
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on January 7, 2020 at 10:35 PM
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I hate to be this person but, if she's not been communicating with anyone... are you sure she's okay? Have you seen social media posts or something from her?
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on January 8, 2020 at 5:03 AM
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I’m sorry this is happening because I’m sure it’s very hurtful. Luke the PP said, are you sure she’s ok? Maybe she has something going on in her life that is not good. Maybe send her another message saying that you are worried about her because this isn’t like her and just want to know she’s ok. Leave all wedding discussion out of it. Then you will know and if she’s ok and nothing is said about the wedding then move on.
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Devoted May 2021
Melissa · on January 8, 2020 at 5:55 AM
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I don’t know that she’s ok but she is constantly posting on FB. She’s always doing stuff with her son & I even wished her a Merry Christmas on a post and still nothing. Sent her a Happy New Year text and nothing. I’m at a loss!
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Expert May 2021
Jaime · on January 8, 2020 at 9:23 AM
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It seems like you have done your due diligence to check in with her and gave her ample opportunity to back out if it is going to cost too much. My guess is that she can no longer afford it and is ashamed to tell you since she committed to going. I agree with another poster who said to do a final check in with her and ask if she is ok, completely devoid of all wedding talk. I'm so sorry for you - this stinks to have a friend completely drop out of your life.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on January 8, 2020 at 11:31 AM
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Honestly, from your OP, I legit thought she could have been in the hospital or worse.

Agreed with PPs, I'd reach out one more time with absolutely no mention of the wedding to check in with her in the vein of "I'm a bit worried about you--is everything okay?" If she doesn't reply, it'd just move on completed without including her going forward (wedding and friendship). She may be unable to afford things and she may be ashamed, though it's quite telling that she's perhaps decided to just "ghost" you, effectively. It definitely sucks, but this kind of unwillingness to communicate is not a trait anyone needs in a friend.
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Devoted May 2021
Melissa · on January 8, 2020 at 12:17 PM
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I took Megan’s advice and simply sent a text asking “Are you ok? It’s not like you to go silent.” She responded today, has things going on that she wants to talk about and we are gonna make plans for next month just her & I when she’s home. She also stated she’ll be booking soon as well. Thank you all for the advice. Throughout the text exchange, other then what she mentioned, there was no talk of wedding because I didn’t want to make it all about me. Thank you ladies for your advice!
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