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Ashmarie
Just Said Yes November 2020

Bridesmaid dilemma

Ashmarie, on December 29, 2019 at 7:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3
So I have 6 members of my bridal party, one Maid of Honor, One Matron, and 4 bridesmaids. So far everyone has been great and I haven’t had issues for the most part, but I was a bit wary before asking one of them to be a bridesmaid because she can tend to be a bit flakey. Mind you, before I did a “proposal” to her to officially ask, I gave her a disclaimer to see if she could manage it, and she assured me she could. So I asked her.


Well all my party has known since July that they were part of the wedding, and told to save accordingly. Well. My maid of honor was texting the girls to get the money to book the location because she was going to have to pay the $1500 out of pocket and get reimbursed. Before the price was even on the table, she gave everyone the option to pay half now, and half come July or to pay it all up front. Between all the girls that would have been $252 total per person. ALL the girls agreed to pay full price and just get the payment out of the way. Mind you, during this whole process, every group text where we take a group consensus we always have to specifically state her name in order for her to even reply to a text.
So breaking it down, this bridesmaid agreed to pay the full price now. Then when the money needed to be paid, now she doesn’t have it because of the holidays, but then she told me that she had just paid for another bachelorette party. Sooo the story didn’t necessarily add up and she lied about my MOH offering the half now/later option.
Now she wants to back out of the bachelorette party, but still be part of the wedding. So at this point I don’t know what to do. I don’t necessarily want to offer to pay for her either because if I start offering with the smallest cost of this obligation, then she’s going to expect it for every other aspect as well.
I just need some advice because at this point I don’t want to be a bridezilla, but I also want someone who actually follows through with what they agree to. I do understand money is tight and that the holidays did just happen, but then she shouldn’t have agreed to pay the full price either when it was first mentioned.

3 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on December 30, 2019 at 9:17 AM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I don't think that is a good enough reason to kick someone out of your wedding. She obviously thought she would have the money, but her circumstances have changed. These things happen. I lost my job 4 months prior to the wedding. I certainly wasn't expecting that to happen, but it did. I also had a bridesmaid I thought would attend my bachelorette party, but her husband surprised her with tickets to Florida for their wedding anniversary. We had my bachelorette party planned like 6 months in advance, but I understood that she wasn't able to make it. They had put off celebrating their anniversary so she could be at my bridal shower. I get being upset she won't be there to celebrate with you, but these things happen. The only real requirement your friend has is being there at your wedding in the dress you agreed upon. Everything else is just extra. Kicking her out would also be a friendship ending move.
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    I second this.
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    I think that these things can be a little awkward. If it was asked in a group message whether everyone was good with paying upfront, she might have felt embarrassed to say she couldn't afford it. I'm not paying for dresses or H/MU for my bridesmaids so I made H/MU optional, texted the group message the price of it, and then individually texted each girl to see if they wanted to pay for it. She probably felt backed into a corner. As far as the other party, maybe that one is happening first so it's the priority for her right now? I definitely wouldn't kick her out. Maybe just text her and say "Hey girl! I know the holidays have been CRAZY and money is super tight for everyone this time of year! I'm booking this trip and it looks like I don't have to pay the full cost until closer to the date. *This might be a lie* Would you want to come if the money was due a little bit later (I know the date change was a HUGE help to me)? If not, no hard feelings! I just really want you to be able to come if you want to! Let me knowSmiley smile" And then pay the cost up front and have her pay you back closer to the date.

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