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Just Said Yes May 2019

Bridesmaid dilemma

bpandbd, on August 9, 2018 at 1:10 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hi everyone!

I have a dilemma. I have a best friend, lets call her Susie, who has been my best friend since we were 4 years old. We don’t live near eachother anymore and see or talk to eachother on the daily, but we will always have that close sisterly bond. We have always talked about being eachother’s Maid/Matron of Honor even up until last year–she said her boyfriend asked her who her maid of honor will be and she said, of course, it would be me without a doubt. Susie got married 2 months ago, and she decided not to have a maid of honor amongst 8 bridesmaids. Of course, I was devastated because i’ve always thought we would be eachothers MOHs. Neither of us have sisters and we are like sisters to eachother. But, we never talked about it, she never explained why she didn’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor, why it wasn’t me. She did have me and another bridesmaid do a speech as her best friends–so i guess she just didn’t know who to pick between us two. IDK. Anyway I was sad and a little resentful, but still chose ot support her on her day, said a speech. We are still good friends.

Now, I am getting married. I definitely want to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. It would have been a no-brainer to have Susie as my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I just feel petty to be honest. I dont want to have her as a Maid/Matron of Honor because I wasn’t hers. I know, it sounds stupid.

I also have a really amazing friend who i went to college and grad school with, who has been helping me wedding plan, and I would call one of my best friends. She is also getting married this year but it is a destination wedding and they decided not to have a bridal party. I really want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.

I still really don’t want to hurt Susie’s feelings by having my other friend be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I dont know about having 2 MOHs. They are both going to be “matrons” so i cant do the maid/matron thing. And *please forgive me for being petty* but why should Susie get to be my Maid/Matron of Honor when I wasn’t hers?!

Please help. Any words of encouragement and advice appreciated.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda , on August 9, 2018 at 2:43 PM

Master June 2016
Sarah · on August 9, 2018 at 1:11 PM
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My advice would be to let your resentment over Susie’s wedding go. Honestly, if I was Susie, and I found out you specifically didn’t ask me to be your MOH because you were mad you weren’t mine, I wouldn’t participate or attend your wedding. I don’t play childish games like that with my friends so I’d assume that’s your way of saying we’re not friends.
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Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on August 9, 2018 at 1:13 PM
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It does sound petty of you. Either you want her or you dont. Just because she had another close friend and opted to not have to choose between you two, doesnt mean you cant ask her. She was just sparing feelings.
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Just Said Yes May 2019
bpandbd · on August 9, 2018 at 1:16 PM
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Yeah. I understand that, it is just easier said than done. How do you feel about having 2 MOHs?
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Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on August 9, 2018 at 1:17 PM
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Thats fine too, if you have someone else and are in the same predicament!
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Super July 2018
Brittany · on August 9, 2018 at 1:27 PM
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I know it's hard not to be petty. I'm sure I'd feel the same way if I was in your situation, but really thinking about it... I don't think you'll gain anything/feel any better if you make the petty move. I think you should have both girl's be your matron of honor. Forgetting about everyone else's feelings, and what happened in the past, I think YOU would feel better giving them both the title.
Also, perhaps Susie received advice at some point about not picking a MOH and decided to listen to it and maybe now regrets it? I personally almost didn't pick an MOH because I didn't have a sister and didn't want to choose between friends, but in the end I chose a friend that was becoming like family to my husband (fiance at the time) and I and I'm really glad I did.
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Expert April 2019
Elizabeth · on August 9, 2018 at 1:28 PM
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If you just feel closer to the girl from college, just have her. But if you are really doing this just to snub the woman you consider like a sister, I think you should really reconsider that. Itll hurt her feelings, sure, but it's going to hurt you in the long run, too. I'm not having a maid of honor simply because I dont want one person to feel pressure to do anything. And, all the girls are super special to me. I'd think this through more.
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Super May 2019
c · on August 9, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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Super petty TBH, but you seem to know that already. I won't have a MOH at mine, although my FH will have a best man. No one in my bridal party is upset about it because they are shy, anxious, hate speeches, whatever their reasoning is.
I would suggest do a co-MOH or just don't have one at all if you're going to hold it against Susie for not having you as her MOH.
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Expert October 2018
ArwenToHisAragorn · on August 9, 2018 at 1:57 PM
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Is it a little petty? Yeah. Do I understand where you're coming from? Also yeah. Lots of people have been having two (or even more!) MOHs these days. If you love her that much, ask her!
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Dedicated November 2020
Mrsjimenez👰 · on August 9, 2018 at 2:03 PM
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So I personally think you should have a sit down heart to heart with "susie" and discuss your feelings that way yall can be on the same page and you can understand what her thought process was about not having a MOH so you don't take things personally if they weren't meant that way. If you say yall are practically sisters I don't see why yall couldn't have this discussion. I think your mind is cloudy on what to do because you weren't clear of her motive but if yall just communicate it will help you decide what to do about your MOH.

Goodluck!
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VIP October 2018
queenbee · on August 9, 2018 at 2:35 PM
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Yes, it’s petty, but I also see why you’re hurt. It seems like she was just trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings in her wedding by not picking a MOH. You can definitely have 2 matrons of honor in your wedding! It’s common anymore to have 2, and then this way you don’t have to hurt Susie’s feelings by being spiteful and not asking her because she didn’t ask you. It’s not worth losing a friendship over, is it? It’s not like she snubbed you and didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid for her 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Dedicated November 2018
Amanda · on August 9, 2018 at 2:43 PM
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Honestly I would just make both of them your MOH who cares that you weren't Susie's. She is your best friend and she clearly had a reason not to make either of you her MOH so respect her dicison and move on.
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